1. Community
  2. Infections
  3. Cystitis

IC - major flare after first time sex with new man - HELP , I'm desperate - Hope this is not TMI

Posted , 5 users are following.

Kablois
Kablois

Hi,

I split up from my long-term partner 10 months ago and have finally got over my broken heart and met someone I really like (not that easy at age 53!). My IC is well controlled and I haven't had a flare in over 2 years... until last week when I slept with my new partner for the first time. In my old relationship we used to avoid penetrative sex most of the time or kept it really gentle and short so as not to trigger me. It wasn't an issue and we had a good and creative sex-life. So I am in total shock about being in this flare after a fairly ordinary session albeit quite long. It has been 5 days and I am in more and more pain. I am avoiding seeing new man with lots of excuses but cannot do so indefinitely and will have to say something. I am terrified of scaring him off. Not sure how to handle the situation at all. What exactly should I say or not say? If the flare was short-lived I could just put up with it for a while til I get to know him better but I am zombied out on strong pain meds at the moment. Can anyone give me some words of advice, wisdom or hope please. I keep thinking I'm going to have to spend the rest of my life alone because of this sodding illness and I can't bear it.

0 likes, 5 replies

5 Replies

  • sandy43858
    sandy43858 Kablois

    Posted

    hi kablois

    sorry to hear this. the flare might occur because of the sex. this has happened to me before. flares can last upto weeks. my advice would be to have a alkaline diet, drink loads of water have you tried d mannose. that helps sometimes. have you tired a hot water bottle? you should tell the guy the truth about the condition maybe he will understand?

  • anne17735
    anne17735 Kablois

    Posted

    HI

    I started early last year having cystitis every month. it dragged me down and left me feeling in despair, it was a rotten year. I had never had cystitis in my life and I don't know what caused it. However it has disappeared as quickly as it started and I don't know why. I carry antibiotics with me on holiday just in case.

    I hope you are able to find a solution to your problem, but one thing you must do is tell your new man. He will be thinking you are not interested in him and will appreciate the honesty. You cannot build a relationship on lies.

    Hope this helps.

    Good luck. x

    • Kablois
      Kablois anne17735

      Posted

      Thank you so much for replying. Having had this illness for 11 yrs now, I know there is no actual solution except learning to accommodate the needs of my body when it plays up.... Whether my new man will be up for the ride is another question entirely. My cystitis is Interstitial cystitis so chronic and inflammatory and not infectious so antibiotics don't help unfortunately.

      Thanks for reaching out.

  • amanda87611
    amanda87611 Kablois

    Posted

    I am sorry you are going through this I can completely relate. It was hard to talk to my boyfriend about this and even try to help him understand how painful and uncomfortable IC is so much so that sex is not even on my mind when I am flaring. I have found the best thing is to be open about it to have a successful relationship with this condition. I am currently flaring after being symptom free since September. I agreed with my boyfriend to tell him when I am in pain so I did right away this time. I still feel like he cant fathom how awful it is.

    • Kablois
      Kablois amanda87611

      Posted

      Thanks for the reply.

      The boyfriend is still around! So that's a good start 😃

Back to top

Report or request deletion

Thanks for your help!

We want the community to be a useful resource for our users but it is important to remember that the community are not moderated or reviewed by doctors and so you should not rely on opinions or advice given by other users in respect of any healthcare matters. Always speak to your doctor before acting and in cases of emergency seek appropriate medical assistance immediately. Use of the community is subject to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and steps will be taken to remove posts identified as being in breach of those terms.