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Im 24 weeks pregnant and dont sleep well

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marquanda44073
marquanda44073

I cant sleep at night bc im constantly getting up and checking on my 4 yr old and im 24 weeks pregnant and i know i need sleep. Its like if i dont get up and check on him my anxiety will not allow me to go to sleep but if i get up and check on him im able to sleep for maybe an hour then i get up and check on him again this goes on ALL night..i tell myself that hes fine but i still feel the urge to get up and check bc my mind wont stop running..i was diagnosed with generalized anxiety about 6 years ago but i tried to go without medication bc honestly then i couldnt afford it and now im pregnant again and obviously don't want to take anything at all. I feel like a crazy person after a few nights of no sleep bc being pregnant is work enough and not sleeping on top of it is even worse so im so exhausted all the time..i try to tell myself every night that my son is fine but it never works its like my voice of reason is broken or my anxiety is just to much for me right now...any advice?? Dont be judgy. Ive really never done this before. Thanks.

0 likes, 12 replies

12 Replies

  • tess33005
    tess33005 marquanda44073

    Posted

    Hi Marquanda,

    I'm a midwife and mother of four.

    It is usual for women to check on their babies until they're six months old.

    After that it is completely unnecessary. I don't know how much help this is going to be to you, since you have GAD, but perhaps you can try to explain to me why you feel the need to check on a four year old child several times a night. My guess is that you are afraid your child might die if you don't constantly check on him. Any idea why this might be? Has a friend or relative lost a child at that age?

    Have you got an audio-visual baby monitor in his room so that you can see and hear him, without getting out of bed?

    What is your husband's view on this situation?

    And what are you going to do when you have a newborn in sixteen weeks' time? Do you think you'll still want to check on your son? You're going to be exhausted with two of them, darling. In fact you're already exhausted, which is doing your pregnancy no good at all.

    Can you try to concentrate on the current pregnancy and realise that you need sleep and calmness in your life to help to guarantee a healthy baby?

    I agree that medication isn't the answer, but I think that CBT would help you.

    Keep me up to date if you want.

    Love Tess xx

  • g.90572
    g.90572 marquanda44073

    Posted

    Maybe the 4 year old can sleep in your room. Is this what you want?
    • tess33005
      tess33005 g.90572

      Posted

      NNNOOOOOOOO

      He'll never learn to sleep through the night if he's in wih mum and dad!

      I chucked my four out into their own rooms at six weeks old.

      They all slept well, because my husband and I weren't disturbing them. Of course, we had a baby monitor so that I could hear them cry for a breastfeed. But sleeping in our room? That's asking for trouble.

    • marquanda44073
      marquanda44073 tess33005

      Posted

      I know it seems ridiculous and i try every time i get up to listen to myself bc i KNOW that hes fine but my anxiety takes over and i wont sleep at all if i dont get up. I think some of this has to do with the fact that my son is my rainbow baby and i was told i wouldnt carry to term after i misscarried my first pregnancy..Gavin defeat the odds i was also alone and very scared when i first brought my son home..his dad lived else where and never wanted to come help..needless to say im not with him any more..but i was so afraid of doing something wrong..it was never THIS bad until i got pregnant again now im worried ill be as scared as i was with my 1st son or worse when this childs born. Im so worried that ill just be overly exhausted but its like a switch that I cant turn off..my mind runs wild at night and last night i actually fell asleep at like 3am and i woke up to hearing my son cry and when i went to check on him he was going out the front door 1/2 asleep.hes NEVER done that b4 but ive always been afraid of that..thank God it just goes to our locked porch but it still scared the heck outta me..it like legitimised one of my fears and i wasnt able to go back to sleep last night. My fiance is amazing with everything but of course like any father hes concerned about me no getting enough sleep as am i..but u have to understand that i dont do these things on purpose i cant control it i kno it seems nuts to check on a perfectly healthy child multiple times per night but idk how to not donit or not worry..like I KNOW its an issue and im worried about not getting enough sleep for this baby but i honestly dont know what to do..i dont do anything else to put my unborn son in danger at all im extremely by the book just like i was with my 1st son..but this sleeping thing drives me crazy bc i know its ridiculous..i want to stop and listen to my voice voice of reason but i dont know how..and no he does so well in his big boy spiderman room i wouldnt wanna mess that up for him
    • tess33005
      tess33005 marquanda44073

      Posted

      PLEASE discuss this with your midwife.

      I was a bit anxious bringing my first baby home but honestly it isn't so scary the second time round - at least you know what to expect and how to breastfeed etc.

      I think you have time for some therapy before son number two is born - in fact, it's essential, or you'll have a prem baby on your hands through lack of sleep.

      I'm so glad your fiance is supportive but he won't be once HIS baby is born. Men are like that. If they see a helpless newborn baby being neglected because you're constantly checking on another man's four year old child, their sympathy vanishes and there will be great strain on your relatioship.

      Don't let that happen, Marquanda. Get therapy NOW.

      Keep us uodated - would love to hear from you again.

      Love Tess  xx

    • marquanda44073
      marquanda44073 tess33005

      Posted

      My fiance is more concerned with me attempting to be the same with both children and end up wearing myself down. I honestly dont think that i would ever neglect our newborn child, me doing this forum was bc i was worried about his health and wanted advice on this issue im having with my anxiety. i do appreciate your input and reminding me why ive never got on these forums. When people decide to try one of these its not to have people make false assumptions of whats to come or why its happening its to see if anyone else has had experiences like these and what kind of things helped them..but as i stated i really do appreciate you taking the time to write me back bc im sure u are extremely busy with ur family and i know any pregnant woman feels better knowing that they are getting advice from a midwife and i will most definitely get in contact with my OB like i had already planned on doing. Thank u for all of your time.
    • tess33005
      tess33005 marquanda44073

      Posted

      My children are all grown now, Marquenda, and I'm sorry if I worded that last answer badly, honey.

      Of course you won't neglect your new son! I just meant that you'll be VERY tired with two of them to take care of. Apologies.

      I'm glad you're going to discuss this with you OB.

      Let me know how you get on.

      Much love and hugs,

      Tess xxxxxx

  • lisalisa67
    lisalisa67 marquanda44073

    Posted

    What about getting one of those tv monitor things. Youll need two as you have a new baby coming as well you cant really medically treat it right now as you are pregnant but after the baby is born you can get some medication to help you calm the ocd down. I would leave the child in his room as this is all your fears not his and the worst thing you can do is make him a fearful child and it will mess up your own relationship. I think the reason it has intensified if maybe you feel guilty you are having another child and it opened old wounds inside you. Do you see a therapist? 
    • marquanda44073
      marquanda44073 lisalisa67

      Posted

      Im gonna try one of the tv moniters and also talk to my ob. And i wouldnt take him outta his room, he does extremely well in his big boy room. I used to see a therapist but when i got finished with school i lost my insurance through my parents and now through this preganacy all i have is pregnancy medicaid until i finish the program im in now..hopefully my OB can refer me to someone that i can talk to me so i can get help..last night was a little better talking to people on here has worked. Im so excited about having another baby with my amazing fiance, hes gonna be such an awesome father, hes already an awesome father figure and role model for my son..I honestly cannot wait!! I think it may stem from having to do everything alone the first time and just reopening those feelings with all my pre birth anxiety but I wish it would stop plus when i first had my son i never thought it was even possible to love another person like i did him so finding out i was pregnant again scared me..but i know that thats also a common feeling but i feel this little guy moving around in me now and i love him so much and i want him to be just as healthy as his big brother ..i would just like to go back to whatever my "normal" was so i can get sleep for this baby boy and not be so exhausted for my big boy.

    • tess33005
      tess33005 marquanda44073

      Posted

      Hi Marquanda,

      It sounds lie you're beginning to feel a little calmer.

      I'm so glad you have an awesome fiance who will treat both boys as his own.

      \keep in touch.

      Love Tess xx

    • marquanda44073
      marquanda44073 tess33005

      Posted

      Thanks so much. And I do feel better..but it comes in waves at night. Im just trying to stay positive and hope for the best..it scares me awake when my son wakes up at night bc he wanders into the living room..usually he just has to go to the bathroom and he'll go back to sleep fine..how can i help him not wake up and cry..he doesn't cry whenever he wakes up from his nap but when he wakes up at night he crys i usually hear him get up but sometimes he waits til he wanders out to the living to start crying and it scares the heck out of me..i just dont know how to teach him to stay calm bc im sure he doesnt like it either..he goes to sleep in his bed so its not like he falls asleep with us and we put him in his bed..ive always put him to sleep in his bed bc i dont wanna traumatize him but i feel like him waking up scared is just as bad right?? I could be wrong..he is my first.

    • tess33005
      tess33005 marquanda44073

      Posted

      Sorry to have to tell you this, but you're waking him!

      Ignore him if he goes to the bathroom.

      If he wanders to the living room get your fiance to gentlt and firmly put him back to bed - no matter how many times a night he does it. he will soon learn that it isn't worth getting up if all that happens is that he's put right back to bed. Then daddy leaves immediately, saying, it's bedtime now so you need to go to sleep. No negotiations and no interactions with you. what time does he go to bed|?

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