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Im new to this group, support needed :(

Posted , 9 users are following.

Katie070810
Katie070810

I am feeling pretty isolated at the moment and i need to communicate with like-minded people and to know that i am not the only person in the world feeling this awful!.

I have been experiencing on and off depression for a long time, but over the past couple of years it has got much more consistent and worse.

Since April, i have been on a permanent downer and it really feels like i wont ever go back to normal.

I feel guilty for feeling this low -it sounds a cliche but on the outside i appear to have everything :a loving husband, 3 beautiful healthy children, and nice home and  career that i worked hard for. I wish i could shake off this sadness and just wake up and count my blessings, but i have come to realise that it isnt as easy as that.

I have never visited my GP about this, mostly because i have been in denial and also because these depressive periods through the years have resolved, but i am now at the point where i feel so so low and so hopeless that i am desperate for help.

I have a demanding and highly-responsible job which i find hard enough in itself and also having 3 small children to take care of , i am stretched to the limit.

I am fed up of looking in the mirror and finding fault with everything i see, i am sick of having to wear a mask in public and pretend that i am happy. Everyone seems to turn to me with their problems, even complete strangers , i am always there for everyone but no one asks me if i am ok, and i understand that this is probably because i hide the fact that i am so depressed from everyone.

I am too ashamed to admit to my friends and family that  feel like this, i dont want to burden anyone. My husband has admitted that he is very worried about me, when before he was in denial always saying that it more likely to be PMT, or SAD syndrome, etc and he didnt think i was really depressed.

I long to be able to laugh again, even smiling is an effort now, i want to be able to do my job without having to run into the toilet evey 10 minutes to cry. I just want to be able to leave the house without being gripped with worry, and i am sick of feeling so tired!.

Tomorrow morning i am ringing my G,.P, because i cant go on like this.

 

0 likes, 10 replies

10 Replies

  • carolyn88417
    carolyn88417 Katie070810

    Posted

    There's nothing worse than feeling the way you do.putting on a mask is something I think most depressed people do.just because you have a nice family and a good job doesn't mean your immune from depression.i have suffered from depression for over 20 years iv had lots of different medication,ect and even the surgery.hopefully once you have seen your gp and you get started on some treatment you will start to feel better.dont loose hope keep fighting and you will start to feel better.it takes time but it is achievable.
  • julie1111
    julie1111 Katie070810

    Posted

    hi i feel for you...join friends in need you can find it on the internet..some groups in there..i went to one last night..people are lovely and just like us...goodluck
  • michael_37726
    michael_37726 Katie070810

    Posted

    Hi

    You done the right thing by coming on here we all understand. Go to your GP and if you are put on antidepressants then just take them to get you over the hump as they don't help long term and are hard to come off. I am trying to come off mine at the moment and it is hell with withdrawal symptoms. If I was you I would ask for CBT if your not sure what that is your doc will explain. Antidepressant are good but in my experience they are not a long term solution. I have been on them for a very long time and they have just made me worse over the years. So if I was you I would only take them as a last resort and try other things first there are a lot off alternatives. I have found that doctors are all to keen to offer ad's before trying other things to help

  • jo44371
    jo44371 Katie070810

    Posted

    I recognise very clearly the problems you describe, as well as the feelings of guilt about not functioning well. Those feelings will get better with time, but it sounds like you need some help at the moment. Antidepressants are very effective, and I hope your GP prescribes them for you. It is true that for some people there are longer term difficulties with side effects and withdrawal, but my view is that those problems are a sign of improvement in depression - when you are seriously depressed you don't care about side-effects, you just want to feel a bit better, and antidepressants will do that. Is there any possibility of taking sick leave? It sounds as though the pressure you are under at work isn't helping. All the best.
  • sue34151
    sue34151 Katie070810

    Posted

    Hi Kate just wanted to say your not alone we all try so hard to keep everything hidden but it does not go away it just gets so much worse, I think as a working mum we have to juggle everything and as long as it looks like we are managing no one realises we need a bit of support now and then and along with everything else we find our friends are reliant on us for support when they need it but never think to ask if we are okay so first thing is to start looking after yourself because you are the only person who can do this make a doctors appointment and explain exactly how you are feeling and how long you have been feeling this way, when I eventually went to the doctors I couldnt explain for crying because it had built up for so long I couldn't speak. We are only human and can't be perfect all the time you have a career, your a mum and a wife and sound like a lovely caring person don't think you would be a burdon to fiends and family I'm sure they would be upset if they thought you couldn't talk to them when you need a little support.

    Look after youself

    Sue

  • norman42567
    norman42567 Katie070810

    Posted

    Hi Katie,

    Before you get tangled up with AD's, please check out therapy options, NHS, private or self help with CBT for Dummies (eg). Therapy can show and teach you how to look at things in your life differently, in a way that doesn't cause you to have depressive thoughts.  You could always get some light sedative short term support from your Dr.  Therapy will also help you with gaining support from your family and friends, It's well worth a go as it helps many people, including myself.

    Take care

    Warm regards

    Norman

  • paul45160
    paul45160 Katie070810

    Posted

    Gp is a very positive first step and just admiring to someone you need help can take a weight off. There is help and it can get better, even if it doesn't feel like it now.
  • Katie070810
    Katie070810

    Posted

    Hi thankyou very much for your comments, you have all been really helpful and supportive.

    Yesterday afternoon I happened to bump into a friend who i hadn't spoken to in a while and we ended up talking about how down we both are. She admitted that she suffers with depression and anxiety and some days cannot even leave the house. I was really surprised  because like me, she comes across as bubbly and confident, she is also a working mum. It was a wake up call to know that im really not alone.

    This morning I managed to get an urgent GP appointment and I was lucky enough to get one of the best and experienced GPs at our practice. I told him everything and he was fantastic. He's prescribed a low dose of Setraline and given me some numbers to call for CBT, he wants to see me again in a fortnight to increase the doseage of Setraline. He has signed me off work for a fortnight -he felt that my job had a lot to do with it ;I often work 14 hour shifts without a break (im a nurse).

    Ive confided in my 4 closest friends and I have also told my boss. I'm not one to cause a fuss and I can't help feeling guilty and ashamed that I have come across as weak and vulnerable.

    I'm a bit worried also about the Setraline, the side effects don't sound too good, but i trust that my GP knows what would suit me.

    I feel scared that I will never find my old self again but at the same time I also see this as a positive situation, almost like a 'rebirth'. Ive been depressed and low in confidence/self esteem for so many years im secretly hopeful that at last I will learn to find true happiness and self-acceptance for the first time.

    Fingers crossed!

  • sue34151
    sue34151 Katie070810

    Posted

    Hi Kate I am so glad you have found the courage to speak to your friend and have been to the doctors, I have no idea why it takes us so long to admit how we feel and ask for help it's definitely not a sign of weakness, your job as a nurse shows your strengths in compassion and caring for others but we have to learn to read the signs of our own mind and body and recognise when we need help and support and ask for it, there's no shame in that and you are not a failure in any way

    take care

    sue

  • hope4cure
    hope4cure Katie070810

    Posted

    Katie..

    talk to ur dr for a referal to a psycritrist to help u enjoy UR life. It's nothing to be ashamed of we all go thru it one time in our lives. Take the time now life it to short it will get better with a dr help... It's like a broken arm a doctor needs to treat it so it will get better..... Mental health is very important a major concern for u is y health for UR beautiful family and urself... 

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