Im not sure why I even go on 25 living at home

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25 years old living at home have been depressed all my life last year got tinnitus now I cant sleep hear constant noises in my ears its beyond disturbing. The only thing I ever feel like I accomplished was being fluent in speaking spanish rven that doesnt really mater to mr I am.just tired of being depressed Im tired of feeling pain I lost a job recently because of pot I started smoking it when I realized it helped me fall asleep as my tinnitus makes it almsoy impossible without taking some kind of drug I have no goals really except for maybe becoming a personal trainer but I just dont have the motivation being depressed my whole life and feeling different from everyone else having little to no friends through all my school years I just feel like Ive reached the end of my rope. Had a relationship for fivr years but had to end it because she was more depressed than I was and it was bringing me down even more. I jsut dont know what to do anymore I cant remember a single moment in my life where I was happy. Im currently drinking and taking pills to fall asleep have sn interview tomorrow but it pays garbage it doesnt really matter to me nothing does anymore I used to go to church at a young age but never believed in god I wouldnt be suffering if there was one I remember how disappointed my parents were when I stopped singing that day in church but it was for the best I couldnt keep pretending to believe in something I did not. I have prayed to die in my sleep knowing that there probably isnt anything out there but of course Im still here there isnt much keeping me going except a nice girl Ive been going out with and thr thought of my family being devasted if I was gone. I dont know what to do anymore Ive been on depression pills but they havent worked well. Im just ready to go Ive never felt right for as long as I can remember

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  • Posted

    That's pretty much exactly how I feel. It's horrible feeling so trapped & only continuing because you don't want to hurt your family. I don't have any great advice because I can't even help myself but you're not alone in how you're feeling & you've just got to try to hold onto the possibility that things can change at any moment it's not always gonna be this hard. You're probably so much stronger than you give yourself credit it for x

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  • Posted

    That's pretty much exactly how I feel. It's horrible feeling so trapped & only continuing because you don't want to hurt your family. I don't have any great advice because I can't even help myself but you're not alone in how you're feeling & you've just got to try to hold onto the possibility that things can change at any moment it's not always gonna be this hard. You're probably so much stronger than you give yourself credit it for x

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  • Posted

    Been having dreadful anxiety and depression on an off for 5 years, I'm now having therapy but not hel[ping at the momoment. I too get tinnitus, some days it's almost unbearable  I usually manage to sleep as I have clonazepam & mirtazepane and so far these have helped me to sleep but the days are awful, I have to take just one day at a time nothing else I can do.

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  • Posted

    Hi Brandon - so you don't believe in this god of the religious, and yet you are praying to it for relief. Your illness has nothing to do with any god - real or invented. It's a physical, human condition. Depression is becoming more prevalent in society as we teach the young they are not acceptable as they are and must pursue someone elses 'ideal' in order to be of value. You've had medications which are not a one-size-fits-all remedy. It takes trial and error (I've been on a dozen different meds in the last 10 years.) Have you had any psychological support - counselling etc?

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    • Posted

      Yes Ive had psychological support but it just do4snt help me I cant express my feelings well with people let alome a complete stranger who I know nothing about. I just wish I knew how all my life Ive dreamed of a better life different from everyone else a life that isnt mediocre I just dont know what that is though. My mom thinks Im overthinking it and but.I dont know I just want to be happy for once. I cant remember the last time I was I was on anti depressants but didnt help me if anything they made it worse I was like a zombie on them I felt absolutely nothing.
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    • Posted

      Hi again Brandon - thank you for responding and being so open. If you are averse to psychological and psychiatric support you have two options: continue as you are or educate yourself on mental health. A bit of knowledge goes a long way and understanding why we feel how we do can open the gate to a path of recovery. You have mentioned your mum, but not dad? Single parent family? Issues with abandonment/separation/divorce? Stable childhood? Any traumas - physical, psychological and/or sexual? Any family history of depression? Are you exercising? What's your diet like? 

      Answers to these and other questions might provide a view on what is happening. Alternatives to medicine to help calm you: St Johns Wort, Lavender Oil, Camomile Tea. Meditation can help calm the mind, and will require practice for you to switch off the brain and open the mind. 

      We all dream of a better life. We have an image of ourselves and feel we are not complete unless we reach it. But it's the journey that's the prize because life is about understanding oneself and that can't be done without challenges and disappointment. You are 25. Many of us here are of an age that we are invisible to your generation. We recognise that the progress made in the area of mental health awareness and treatment is an asset for the young adult - it would have been a blessing if we had that same awareness when we were your age. The point is you need to reach out for help, you need to embrace it, understand it, manage it in your life, and move on with more wisdom and a set of tools to help you maintain the balance into the future. It's up to you and your attitude. Best of luck - wea er always here to talk.

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