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25 years old living at home have been depressed all my life last year got tinnitus now I cant sleep hear constant noises in my ears its beyond disturbing. The only thing I ever feel like I accomplished was being fluent in speaking spanish rven that doesnt really mater to mr I am.just tired of being depressed Im tired of feeling pain I lost a job recently because of pot I started smoking it when I realized it helped me fall asleep as my tinnitus makes it almsoy impossible without taking some kind of drug I have no goals really except for maybe becoming a personal trainer but I just dont have the motivation being depressed my whole life and feeling different from everyone else having little to no friends through all my school years I just feel like Ive reached the end of my rope. Had a relationship for fivr years but had to end it because she was more depressed than I was and it was bringing me down even more. I jsut dont know what to do anymore I cant remember a single moment in my life where I was happy. Im currently drinking and taking pills to fall asleep have sn interview tomorrow but it pays garbage it doesnt really matter to me nothing does anymore I used to go to church at a young age but never believed in god I wouldnt be suffering if there was one I remember how disappointed my parents were when I stopped singing that day in church but it was for the best I couldnt keep pretending to believe in something I did not. I have prayed to die in my sleep knowing that there probably isnt anything out there but of course Im still here there isnt much keeping me going except a nice girl Ive been going out with and thr thought of my family being devasted if I was gone. I dont know what to do anymore Ive been on depression pills but they havent worked well. Im just ready to go Ive never felt right for as long as I can remember
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