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Im really depressed right now after a breakup

Posted , 4 users are following.

cliveo92
cliveo92

Hi everyone, i am currently finding life really hard and wanted to see if i could get some advice, My ex girlfriend left me 4 months ago after we were living together and been in a relationshp for 8 months, doesnt sounds like long but in that time i feel madly in love with her, i saw her everyday and spend all my spare time with her, we both sacrificed afew things. We were perfect. Very happy and enjoyed each others company but we had a big fight on holiday and after a week of thinking we were okay she came back drunk one night and kicked me out. We split up and the rest is complicated but she basically let me back into her life abit but then threw me away again and done this twice before now blocking all contact and stopping me from seeing her, threatening to call the police if i try.(All very drastic i know) Now your probably thinking fine, theres your answer, Move on and give her up... But as they say easier said then done.

I cant move on, i have been trying to move forward with my life but find everyday a struggle, whether im at work or have the day off my mind is constantly thinking about us. We spoke about our dreams and getting married, children etc. And this runs through my head everyday!

I miss her the world over and i find it hard to even smile anymore, the only time i do smile is if i think about good memories that we had together.. Then i break down and tear up.

I have done everything i can to try and get her to give me a real chance and to start fresh together. I feel like my whole world is falling down and i am constantly missing her and im scared i have lost her forever.

I have had nightmares of her with other guys, i replay the argument and then good times we spent together and vice versa.

My head is in overload and i dont know how to move on or let her go(before anyone says man up and let her go) 

I cant! I love her with all my heart and i dont know how to let go of these feelings and emotions. I believe we are soul mates and if you every saw us together you would think what a lovely couple. 

Lately i have been thinking about ending it all and taking my life to stop the pain. Iknow its not the right thing to do but i sometimes lose myself in my thoughts and the pain becomes unbareable. The only reason i am stll here is because i promised her i wouldnt kill myself but now i feel like she is even holding that against me sad I dont know what to do or how to go about this. Several people have told me to move on and let go, which cant, afew people have told me to ride it out and persevere and believe in love hoping she will realise she has made a mistake in letting me go and come back to me. A couple of people have told me to just give up and find another girl but this isnt what i want. Theres noone else in this world i want other then my ex back and i have tried everything to get her back but it isnt enough. I feel so sad and lonely. I feel lost and hearbroken. :*(

1 like, 3 replies

3 Replies

  • phyllis11904
    phyllis11904 cliveo92

    Posted

    I went through a very similar situation years ago, so I understand your pain and the feeling that you can't move on. You're right when you say: "easier said than done". If things don't change, please see your doctor and explain everything you are experiencing. You mentioned that after the argument you had while on holiday that things seemed to be alright until a week later when she came home drunk and kicked you out. You also said she had agreed to see you a couple of times since the breakup and then "threw you away again". Now you say she had threatened to call the police if you try to see her. I don't know her, or anthing about her, but her bhaviour sounds unbalanced to me. Has she ever had mental health issues that you are aware of, or problems with alcohol? That might have some bearing on her erratic behaviour. Please don't do anything drastic. Suicide is often a permanent solution to a temporary problem. We are always here to listen and nonjudgemental. Please keep in touch.

    Take care,

    Phyllis

     

    • cliveo92
      cliveo92 phyllis11904

      Posted

      Hi Phyllis, Thankyou for messaging and understanding my current situation. And also thankyou for your kind words. Yeah unless you have been in this sort of situation or have very very strong feelings for someone that no longer wants you in there life then you cant really relate or understand what the situation is and how hard it is physically and mentally. I have tried so many different appoaches and different styles and thoughts to moving on, but none have worked long term. Longterm being more then 2-3 days. short term i can keep myself positive and paint on a fake smile but deep down it hurts and after a little while it wares me down so much i feel tired and stressed. Yeah all of what you said was correct and true. I am aware that she was taking tablets for anxiety, i didnt really think much about it when we were together because she would self medicate and she seemed fine, we had a few arguments abbout nothing but i saw them as both our faults, we are both quite stubborn. She told me she was on tablets for it about 3 months into the relationship, i didnt ask many questions because i didnt want to make her feel uncomfortable about it and as i say she seemed to handle it fine. I have only recently looked into anxiety and how it affects people, i didnt really understand before and i was quite naive and thought she was fine. now i worry it had a part to play in our fight. As for drink i knew from the start she had a drink problem, it was okay at the start but there were times when she would go out drinking when i had work early in the morning and come home smashed and i would have to look after her or worry if she wasnt home at a reasonable time. She would always say she was looking after her best friend who had issues with her relationship, whether that was true or not i dont know. There were a couple of times i had work on the weekend and she done a 9-5 and partied some of the weekend and that used to frustrate me alittle but i compromised because i loved her, and still would and do. One time i had to hide drink from her because she wouldnt stop and it caused an argument. I dont think she was as bad as she may sound but she definitely liked a drink and although liked having a drink and enjoying ourselfs together i did look at it as her flaw. So yeah think a combonation of both anxiety/mental health although she seems to be in abit of denial.(not that i have comfronted her about it but i think if i did she would say shes fine)

      And yeah a drink problem but i cant stop her doing that. 

      I think it messed her mind along with her friends and family telling her to walk away from me which she obviously must of listened to and not actually listened to her heart.

      I had a good cry earlier and i feel alittle better. I feel abit silly for what  said earlier but it comes and goes, sometimes the pain is soo severe and deep that my mind starts thinking drastically.

      Thanks again for your comment. Im glad you can understand a portion of my predicament.

  • wayne1962
    wayne1962 cliveo92

    Posted

    Hi Clive - what a pickle you are in. Love is as painful as it is euphoric. Unfortunately the cards seemed stacked against you. Over indulgence in alcohol and relationship matters are never a good mix, but on top of that, you say she has friends and family telling her to get rid of you. I'm wondering how much of the argument on holiday has to do with her decision - was the issue raised one that had been a problem before hand? Did she throw you away again because of the content of that argument?  I can empathise with your feelings because I've been there too. Can I suggest you keep your distance from her and wait to see what happens? Meanwhile, you need to make a plan for the outcome you fear the most - that you are through with her. This plan does not include suicide. The world is grey right now, but it isn't permanent. Hang in there.

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