Impending lonely birthday, brilliant.

Posted , 5 users are following.

I've been struggling a lot more than usual for the last month, to the point where being here doesn't seem worth it anymore. 

Because of this I have cut myself off from people, from almost everyone almost completely. 

It's now August 12th, it is my 21st birthday tomorrow and I have absolutely nothing. My family live 40 minute drive away and have more important things to do, so I may seem them in a week or so, if they feel up to it. I do have one friend that I will see in the evening but, it all just seems so depressing. 

Why do we have to celebrate these things? It just makes you feel so much worse when you have so little. 

I never would have foreseen myself becoming so utterly pathetic. 

1 like, 13 replies

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13 Replies

  • Posted

    I'm in exactly the same situation as you..my 22nd next week and doing absolutely nothing because everyone's moved away. I hate birthday's they just remind me how lonely I am sad this has been the s****est year and what a way to celebrate it! Sorry I know that won't make you feel better but just know you aren't the only one who is doing nothing at all on your birthday! I also never thought I'd become so pathetic
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    • Posted

      At least I know I'm not the only one who is like this! 

      To be honest, it isn't that I actually want to do anything, because all I want to do is lie in bed all day and not see anyone. But, I hate how that's the way I feel. I wish I wanted to enjoy it but, I can't muster that feeling up at all. 

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    • Posted

      I'm sorry I forgot to say before...happy birthday! Everyone on here is wishing you well today I'm sure smile

      Another thing is just try not to take it personally that no on is up for your birthday, I'm sure they hope you have a nice day and wish they could be there but life gets in the way!

      Why don't you just do something that YOU want to do today..run yourself a nice bath, paint your nails, go for a walk in the sun (if it's nice where you are!!)

      And if you want to just stay in, that's okay!! Maybe just watch a film with your friend tonight and get some nice food in?

      There's SO much pressure to do something crazy with alll your friends on your birthday these days, especially with social media you get so many people showing off that their mates have thrown them a supris party or something and that makes you feel worse when you don't get one. But you know what most people don't do things like that and that's okay!! Just do what makes you feel happy and if that's a nice chilled out day then do that! You deserve it ☺

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    • Posted

      It's actually tomorrow, my birthday - not today, sorry :') But thank you for the birthday wishes! :P 

      I don't mind that nobody is around, I didn't ask anyone to be so that is very much on me, I don't even really want anyone to be here to be honest, I just kind of wish I did want them here! 

      It's just another day, it can just remind you moreso of what is going on in life right now which can be a bit tough but, I shall live! 

      A day of Netflix will probably do me!

      Thanks abs smile

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  • Posted

    Hi I will tell you something.  When I was 21 I had arranged to go out with 2 friends.  One by one they both cancelled on me.  I was too proud to go to my family's instead so I sat alone in my bedsit crying my eyes out all night.  

    I determined from then on that on every big birthday in future I would have a wonderful time,  and I have.   You make that vow too and keep to it.  It's not the end but just a beginning.  

    Happy 21st anyway and don't forget what I have said,  Ok?   x

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    • Posted

      Aww I'm sorry to hear that sad 

      It's really amazing that you managed to turn a bad situation into a lovely, positive mindset. 

      thank you Bev x

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  • Posted

    Dear fee,

    Your responses to my post have been so kind, so I wanted to return the favor, although I don't really know what to say to make you feel better.

    I don't know what to say, all I can say is you're not alone. No matter how dark life seems at some days. I've never suffered from depression, but I know how it feels to be in a dark place.

    This friend you're talking about, does he/she know about how you feel? Can you talk to this person about how you feel? Talking can really be a relieving thing to do. I know it can be a big step, but it does help.

    I would like to say something useful to you, because your responses have been so useful to me. You seem like a very kind person to me, and no one deserves to feel alone.

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    • Posted

      Aw thank you Sonia, your reply is so sweet smile

      My friend doesn't know about what's going on, the reasons behind why I feel the way I do are uncomfortable to explain to people - I don't want to get upset when talking about it, or to upset somebody else, so no family or friends know what's going on unfortunately. 

      I do have a meeting today about starting therapy though, so I suppose I will be talking to somebody about it soon. 

      I'm glad my responses in your chat helped, it's nice to know I can come in handy sometimes smile 

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  • Posted

    Hi Fee

    I had social issues as a youngster, so birthdays/ Christmas / new year were times of great stress.

    My birthday is 2nd Jan so I got all three in one go then nothing.

    21st is just another year. It used to mean something like OK now I can get married, the same as 18 was OK now I can have sex but now there seems to be no barrier to anything now.

    Even up to 5 years ago, I'd be in my flat alone during these days.

    Now what I'm doing is:

    Doing somethng physical like go tenpin bowling.

    Have a network game with friends from far away.

    I got interested in Kpop (korean) a while ago; I don't listen to the songs really, but the variety entertainment is really, good. Clever humour, not negative. I watch these on YouTube a lot now and they always give me a lift in spirits. They have english subs which are funny interpretations of what was being spoken. I'm slowly learning Korean in the process which give me the feeling of advancement "getting somewhere" and gaining an new interest in another country.

    This has been the most positive thing I have done, since 75% of my lifetime I have been alone, and living alone.

    So I'm saying try to find something on the net that you like and 'save up' some good shows for the Birthday tomorrow.

    Send a few SMSes out to people who 'couldn't make it' and then you have at least had contact with them on the birthday. (hopefully they will at least send best wishes!).

    Finally, if no one else does fee, BEST WISHES for your 21st :P

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    • Posted

      It's good that you have learnt how to enjoy spending your time and your birthday, having interests is definitely a great way to go - I have plenty of things I am (or was) passionate about but, I just don't have the ability to concentrate anymore, I can't even get through a 30 minute TV show most days. 

      I didn't actually attempt to plan anything for my birthday, I haven't spoken to the majority of my friends for a long time and to be honest, all that I do want to do is lie in my bed, under the covers and see nobody - I just wish that I didn't feel like that. I wish I did want to go out and see people and celebrate life and I wish I was the same person that I used to be, but I am not. 

      Thank you for the birthday wishes! And thank you for taking the time to reply to me

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    • Posted

      Nah worries.

      Interesting about concentration - same here. I have the concentration of a goldfish - 7seconds :P

      It's not that I'm doing a lot, but I'm involved in a lot if that makes sense.

      eg I've got two model railways i'm trying to build, a personal library database, two magazine articles I'm trying to write, a games story AND theres work stuff - I think about everything both at home and work.

      So I spend a lot of time switching from one project to another without actually starting it, because I spend time trying to remember what I was doing last time I thought about it, and then by the time I'm "up to speed" I don't have time to continue. - very frustrating. If only I made a descision on something then I'd probably start completing something! So I usually play the KPOP and this turns off my thoughts a lot.

      The Youtube stuff is rarely over 40mins so I can handle that pretty easily.

      I think that goess a lot towards my own depression, as I have no completion. Either I run out of time or someone has to complete it for me.

      I guess what I suggested is asomething that you can tag as a completion at the end of your birthday day? It may help in making it a bit more positive?

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    • Posted

      7 seconds sounds about right! :P

      I suppose it is good that you have quite a few distractions, so you always have somewhere to turn. Though, it is a shame you don't get a chance to finish finish with some of your projects! 

      I did have a certain project that I wish I had completed, but now it is too late rolleyes more disappointment! 

      There is one thing I may be able to complete at the end of my birthday, a bottle of wine, or two? :P 

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    • Posted

      Few distractions = ok smile BUT Say it takes 1/2 hour to switch from Model railways to Programming my Library.

      The prob is I have over 12 projects and if you break some of them down then I worked out I'm looking at @72 different things. 72x30 = 36 hours of switching from one to another and that's not actually working on them.

      One of the model Railway things has been going since 1986.

      I'm extreme, but I wonder from some of the comments on the forum if some of the depression / frustation "I'm doing nothing" "I'm going nowhere" is just that everyone is taking on so much these days.

      Go the wine, but don't make a habit of it smile

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