In Denial

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Need some advice? My husband (84) has for some time been having memory problems and his mobility is getting worse. He asks a question like what day is it and them shortly afterwards asks again. He loses things like keys and important letters go astray. He is so slow in every thing he does - I could go on and on?

Problem is he denies anything is wrong with him AND will not go to see the doctor. When I mention it he gets so annoyed and says NO I will not see the doctor? I've tried to reason with him and suggest the doc could give him some medication to help but NO - he is so stubborn. Any ideas what I can do or any over the counter medicine I could get??

Regards

Jean

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  • Posted

    Hi Jean, I'm 64 years old and have been dealing with 11 specific Neurological issues over the past 12 months. Now thats when I began noticing these new symptoms, but after talking with my family a lot of my new symptoms they noticed some up to 3 years ago. I've had multiplce Ischemic Lacunar and thrombosis strokes, diagnosed with Complex Partial Seizure Disorders & Simple Partial Seizure Disorder, CSVD (Cerebral Small Vessel Disease), Cerebrovascular Disease and white brain matter disease. Having CSVD gives me a 2 times more chance of having dementia and since I've been diagnosed with Cerebrovascular Disease I'm a prime candidate to have a Hemorrhagic Stroke. I also have chronic dizziness, balance issues and falling down and headaches 24/7. My wife and I just gave the list of the new symptoms I've been dealing with to our doctor, he performed a standard memory test which I didn't do to good so he prescribed me Donepezil 5mg 1-tablet nightly to help with my memory and has put in a referral for me to see a Neurologist who specializes in dementia. When one begins to exhibit early signs of dementia, it takes between 6 to 12 months for a diagnosis that you have dementia and then they have to determine which type you have. The number one dementia is Alzheimer's, disease, number two is Vascular disease, I didn't know that Parkinson's disease falls under dementia. But there's a huge difference between having dementia and memory and other issues due to aging. That's why it's so important that if you suspect anything at all you need to get him into the doctors office. Have your husband read this; Dear Sir, your wife is extremely concerned about you and your health. In the event you are showing signs of dementia then get your butt into the doctors office, don't be SO SELF CENTERED AND SELFISH because she's the one who will end up taking care of you and if you found out you could have been given some medication early to help you to slow these issues down and you didn't because you were too stubborn then how is that fair to your wife or anyone else?? Stop being a big baby and take care of yourself and take care of the woman who lives you.

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    • Posted

      Hi Jon, thanks for replying and your advice. I tried to get him to read your comments but to no avail - he just clams up and walks away - head in the sand as always. Our son has tried to get through to him but NO.

      Regards

      J

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    • Posted

      Hi Jean I will write to your husband directly here, if he's not willing to read my story then please provide me your email address or your sons or anyone else, I will write my story to him, you can print it out and leave copies for him to read around the house because we are and I'm not willing to give up.

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    • Posted

      Thanks Jon but you'd be wasting your time - he is so stubborn. I think I'll print out your first message and leave it around as you suggest - but I am not holding my breath. He is of the 'old school' - men don't go to see the doctor. In all our married life I can only remember him seeing the doc twice and that was when he put his back out - UGH!! 

      Will keep you informed - hope you continue in good health.

      Jean X

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  • Posted

    Hi Jean, 

    I’m so sorry that you are going through this.  Dementia is very hard to live with even when the person you are trying to help acknowledges that athey have a problem.  I am just another wife such as yourself living with a spouse that has dementia but your husband needs medical intervention.  It sound as though he is not competent to make his own decisions about his mental or physical health.  One that point is reached then what choice do you have but to take over for him.  If there is any help for him  then he needs to be made to get it and you may have to have him declared mentally incompetent in order to make him get treatment.  This is your life too!  Why let a person with limited mental capacity tell you how it should be handled?  If you would not take the advice of a 3, 5 or 10 year old then you have to consider his judgement in this matter may not be in his or your best interest

    I truly believe that you know in your heat what needs to happen so go with your instinct and get him help.  Help for him is also help for you.  God Bless!!

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