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In depression from past 10-11 years, no love in life, no proper job, no hope for a better tomorrow

Posted , 5 users are following.

amit34339
amit34339

It feels like i have been depressed all my life. Nothing in my life has gone as I desired. I am 27 years old now and the last 10 years of my life have been like hell. I was brought up else where away from my parents. Sometimes at uncle's house or aunt's house just like a football. I thought I had great future and do something great in life because I was brought up with my cousins whose parents were rich and I was kinda used to the lifestyle and thought my future was going to be great. But then I came back to my parents who were just average class people and I realized my reality. My parents were a mess, always fighting, and seeing this really depressed me. I realized how lucky my cousins were who were blessed with wonderful parents, a loving family they had, and financially their parents could support to make their dreams come true. Living with my parents made things worse for me. I realized that all the dreams that I had seen for my self would never come true. I had been about 15-16 when I was first depressed. My parents couldnt help me metally, neither financially. Despite all this mental torment I worked very hard and gave my best to studies and make a better future for my self but I failed which I strongly believe was some mistake and didn't deserve to fail. Also had heartbreak. It was one sided and that completely broke me. Lot of bad experiences in these last 10-11 years. My academic record is not so great, don't have a good job. Never been in any relationship and have been so lonely in these past 10 years. I never felt love or happiness, infact I wonder what that feels like. I dont think I will every see that aspect of life. I am seeing my colleagues, who are so happy, many of them married or in a relationship. But I am just...cant even find words. Time is running out so quickly, I am already 27. I have had such bad luck. Everything I had, all happiness, every reason to live, has been taken away from me. I feels like I was flying in skies and I fell so hard to the ground. Somebody  just cut my wings. I would have hardly believed 10 years back that all this kind of things would happen to me and change my life so dramatically. Really its been like a movie. I wouldn't wish this kind of life even for my worst enemy.I have absolutely lost that spark that I use to have and wonder and try to remember what happiness felt like when i was in my teens. I can not think of anything positive now regarding the future. I have no hope and am in depression. Now my head is as if in cloud, can't feel anything. I suffer from anxiety and just recetly problems while speaking, fumbling which I never ever had before, considering that I was may be the best speaker among my colleagues. I know this message has been too long for anyone to go through but I just wanted to let out my feelings because I never share them with any one. I wish I was reckless and didn't care what people would think. But I just can't help change my self.

2 likes, 10 replies

10 Replies

  • Hakuna_matata
    Hakuna_matata amit34339

    Posted

    Hey amit your wrong you know your story is not to long to go through this site works wonders for so many,

    I have read your story and so will many more your not at all a failure with mental illnesses such as depression we all look at our lives in the same way

    We are our very own worst critics and our brains our worse enemy I totally relate to what your felling when you say your broken and many more will to you are not alone so don't think you are many of us feel the same way for many different reasons

    The best thing I can say to do is get a dairy and write in it when you feel low I say it to everyone because it helps me so much myself write when your feeling low and why you feel that low two things happen then altho you've told nobody you feel you have and it'll help you explain those feeling to the dr when you see them it'll help you get the help you need much faster

    I guess the tough love answer is if you want a better life you have to go out and get it ya know it's. Ever handed to you on a silver platter maybe the up bringing with your aunt and uncle did you no real favours in the respect it's the high life and you felt entitled ya know so when reality hits it hits hard and you have to realise number one 27 is not old number two it's never to late to change your life and number three if you want it bad enough you will get it don't let your past dictate your future

    Stay strong go see your gp and go grab life by the horns and ride it to success you deserve too thinking of you mike

    • amit34339
      amit34339 Hakuna_matata

      Posted

      thanks @superfluos...your words are healing. I will definitely try the diary idea. I guess i will have to get out of my solitude and try to find happiness outside in the world.
    • sophie90693
      sophie90693 amit34339

      Posted

      Dear Amit,

      I truly understand your feelings, depression can change our life drastically.You are still very young, things will change, im 35, and i have bipolar, mostly depression, for 15 years now. I had the same problems u have, seeing others getting married, having kids, good jobs, i was feeling miserable when i was observing my life its just not running in any direction. I can reconize myself in your words...but then later i started to see that life in my way, without comparing...and things got better. I accepted myself, i accepted my illness( even if in our society ,i live in Romania, and here if u jave any mental problems ure considered crazy for life), but i started to ignore and be more selfish. And i got better...even if i know all my life i will have lots of days with depression.I wont give up at life, i will take advantage of the days when i feel good.Dont put pressure on yourself, dont think you were supposed to be an astronaut and you are nothing!Be happy when you do small things and dont allow no one to hurt your feelings!Dont give up your pride, its not your fault you have a illness, have the courage to accept it, to talk about it in an opened way, and choose to spend your life near people that accept u for who u are. Im sure the day when u will see that others dont matter so much will come, and u will be happier!As for depression, ignore it as much as u can,make fun of it anytime u can...and if u have a sh*tty job, do all u can to be the employee of the month. P.s I also had sh*tty jobs, good jobs, for now no job, but im still not giving up. best wishes!

  • wayne1962
    wayne1962 amit34339

    Posted

    Hi Amit - sorry to read of your situation. The first port of call is your doctor. Tell him/her what is going on and how you have suffered anxiety/depression for at least the last ten years and you are finding it hard to function. You might be prescribed meds which will take 3-6 weeks to work, when your mood should even out and things will look a little brighter. Or, your doc may refer you to a psychiatrist in order to ascertain what type of illness you suffer and what meds are appropriate for that condition. Meds are fickle and what works for one may not work for another, so there may be an adjustment required. Meds are just one tool in the kit and should be used in conjunction with therapy - whether with a counsellor or a psychiatrist. You can ask the doc for a referral for this. The psychologist/therapist/counsellor will provide a private environment in which you can vent, open up, explore the foundation of what makes you feel the way you do. It is a non judgemental process providing you with a safe place where someone understands.

    Relationshipwise, when we seek something believing it will relieve us of underlying issues, we can make bad choices, settle for less than we deserve, or experience chronic disappointment and anger when the new addition to our lives does not live up to expectation. I would suggest the first thing you need to do is deal with your own issues before involving yourself with someone else. Another point is that no-one else is going to fix you - you have to do that and it will take time and effort, but the prize is priceless - better knowledge of oneself and a more informed and relaxed future. For undivided attention and non-judgemental love there is no better creature than a dog which brings with it all sorts of requirements that can deflect attention from the more disappointing things in life. Make that appointment. Establish a support structure. In no time at all you will be feeling more empowered and able to create the dream you have. Best of luck to you - we are always here to talk.

      

    • amit34339
      amit34339 wayne1962

      Posted

      hello wayne...i have been to all sorts of doctors...pcychiatrist, neurophysician...but none could really solve my problem. I had been on sertraline, flupentixol and few other antidepressants but I did not feel any change even after 4 months of trying these medicines, so I just stopped going to the doc. I dont think any medicine is working on me. I feel like I badly need to take a break but my job is just not allowing me to do that.
  • amanda35274
    amanda35274 amit34339

    Posted

    Hi amit. Xx just a real quick post as im spiralling & dont feel able to give u any advice that would be beneficial just now. But there are some nice guys on here. Hope ur soon better, amanda xxx

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