In love with a PTSD Vet who continues to push me away
Posted , 3 users are following.
I will try to make this short. I've known this man since 1997. We've always been really good friends. We lost contact in 2004 and reconnected in 2014. At the time I was going through a divorce and he had been divorced for 2 yrs. He confessed his love for me immediately but said he was going through some serious mental issues,(PTSD). Well I went to visit him on New Year's Eve in 2014 and we connected like no other! I fell totally in love with him and he treated me like a queen. We connected on another level, he showed me so many different things and opened my mind up to things I've never experienced. Not only that he is my best friend. I've told him things about me that I've never told anyone, and he's done the same. When we're good, it's great. But shortly after our reunion the day before Valentine's day in 2015 he text me and told me he doesn't think we should see each other. Caught me totally off guard because I made plans to spend that weekend with him. Well we didn't talk again until April 2015 after several attempts to call him he finally answered the phone and I went to see him the very next morning. Btw he lives 3hrs away. It seems like every time we see each other we become even more in love, but not long after that he pushes me away either through a text or call saying he can't do this and I deserve better. We have been back and forth for the past 2 1/2 year's. In April 2016 same thing, he stopped communication. After not talking for 3 months I sent him a text telling him that although it hurts and I will always love him I was going to move on. Surprisingly he responded saying he didn't want me to move on, but he knows that I can do better because of his illness, he doesn't want me to be unhappy. My response was I would only be happy with him. This was in July 2016. Things were amazing between us. He came to visit me, I went to visit him and he let me totally in knowing that I loved him without a doubt. He and I connect so well because we both have lost our mothers, and have had horrible marriages so we know exactly what we want and how we want to be treated. I went to live with him in November of 2016 with my 2 children from my previous relationship, and he thanked me every single day for being there with him. The mistake was me moving there waay before I was actually supposed to because of a conflict that happened with me and a family member, which I feel put him in a situation neither one of us was ready for. I felt that I messed things up by coming to live there so soon, but he reassured me that it was okay and that he had my back and not to worry. Maybe I should have because I ended up leaving on Christamas Eve to come back to my home town after he told me that he felt uncomfortable in his own home. He stated that he wanted his house back. At some point I knew this was coming as I asked him why did he always beg me to stay when I came to visit, we were supposed to get married on July 29, 2017. He said he wanted me to stay but he also knew at some point I would be leaving to come back to my home. At this time I havent talked to him since January 5 2017 when he contacted me only about a car we got together. Right after that he blocked me and I haven't had any contact with him. This is the same thing that has happened several times before. I've read so much information on PTSD, anxiety, and depression. I know from my research that he needs space and time to get himself toghether. I know before I left he has started therapy session that take place every week, and has a therapist that comes from S.C to see him as well. I really want to know how those are going but I can't get in touch with him, and I don't want to aggravate him because that may push him away even more. I don't want to give up on him because he has told me that every woman in his life has either left him or treated him like sh*t. I really and truly love this man. I can't stop thinking about him, and I've even tried to move on, but he is one of a kind. I feel like God made him just for me, and I'm made for him. He needs someone strong in his life that has his back and won't judge him or run away because he has this mental disability. My bday is coming up in March and I was thinking about going to see him, just pop up. He has always told me that when he gets like this, by not talking to me, blocking me, that I should just come to him and that he would never turn me away. I know he loves me, I know he cares because he opened up and gave me his heart, but I don't know what more to do at this point. I went from talking to my best friend/ boyfriend everyday to nothing at all! I often wonder if he thinks about me or even misses me like I do him. I've told him that I'm not giving up on him, that I will always be here, so I don't know if me continuing to let him know that is even necessary now because he knows all of this. I never know if this time is really the last time I will hear from him, that would really break my heart. I'm willing to give him space and time because I love him and only want the best for him, and want him to be happy. I just feel like if we're not toghether, I won't be happy. Any advice is welcomed
0 likes, 2 replies
wife5 AShaunte85
Posted
I'm going through a similar thing. I will never give up on my husband - stay strong.
This is the forth time my husband has pushed me away and actually told me to get out of our home we share together. All of his feelings go for me, he becomes numb. On the outside he fooled everyone into thinking he's 'fine' but I know he isn't. If usually takes a few months for him to hit rock bottom and realise he's having an episode which is causing him to react like this.
It's nice (I know that sounds bad) that you're not alone and neither am I.
He's still in there somewhere. Don't give up on him. He's just in the fog at the moment x
kay8827 AShaunte85
Posted
Oh wow it sounds like you really are in a tough situation, I've taken a few psychology classes to help my ex husband go through his PTSD. But his behavior is completely different, he has NEVER pushed me away, ever, is actually the opposite. When we were together we went through therapy together and I was very involved with his recovery. But he was extremely needy and insecured, even when we needed space he would say things like "I know you deserve better but I can't live without you, so you are never allowed to leave me" but I did, I divorced him and we were separated for 3 Years, he wrote me an email almost every day for 2 years begging me to come back but he didn't know for sure if I was getting them because I never replied. It wasn't until recently that I wrote him a letter to jail because he went back the month after I left him for a couple of months and he has been in and out for 3 years. It honestly surprises me a little bit that YOU are the one who gets blocked... are you sure that he suffers of PTSD? Have you seen any of his medical records? Prescriptions? Seen his therapist? You sound like an EXTREMELY loving person and you have to look out for your kids too. It's concerning that he says that he loves you but then he is stressed out for you moving in too soon? Who cares! When you love someone you want to spend every second of your day with that person whether you deserve them or not! Just make sure he is not just lying and just using you because he knows you will always be there for him, and that you are a sure thing for whenever he feels lonely or other relationships don't workout. I hope you understand that I'm trying to give you some courage and confidence because do you really want to spend the rest of your life "on call" for when he isn't uncomfortable? Don't you think you and your kids deserve a different devoted figure in your lives? I always told my ex husband to never contact me again unless he got clean because he couldn't force me to be with him, and he always got blocked and kicked out of my house because he didn't want to get clean or get better. I would say stop living your life based on what your ex boyfriend needs and if he gets better one day and takes his medications, he will show up and will have to make it up to you with the results and treatment a strong independent loving single mom like you deserves ! ??