In need of a few answers if possible

Posted , 9 users are following.

Hi all,

I've recently registered on the site but have been reading the posts in the hope I may figure out what's happening to me. What I have read has been both heartbreaking and inspirational but on a personal level I realised that to hopefully get some answers and advice, I need to ask the questions myself.

I am male, 36 and in reasonably good physical shape. I live with my wife and two sweetheart dogs and have a generally happy home life. Yet, I seem intent on destroying it all for the sake of alcohol.

I've been a drinker since my late teens and growing up in the surf/music scene the party lifestyle was accepted and almost encouraged. I won't use that as an excuse but perhaps it may provide some insight into my background. I've grown out of the parties and bars and would rather be home with my family. But, I never stopped drinking.

I struggle to go an evening without beer and when I do drink I get frustrated if I can only have a little. At the moment I'm drinking between 15-20 UK units almost every evening, perhaps having only 4 or 5 nights off alcohol every month. I've been drinking at this level for at least 6 years.

I'm incredibly lucky to have a very supportive wife but it kills me to know the worry and stress I put her through. Recently I've been making steps to stop but I always give in.

I've never spoken to anyone about my drinking so posting on this forum feels like a step in the right direction.

I'd like to ask, if I may, how much of an alcohol problem do I have? Would I be classified as an alcoholic?

I'd like to discuss withdrawal symptoms too and what I should expect. I had my last drink at about 4 this morning and am already feeling strange.

Sorry for the extremely long post and thanks in advance for any replies.

Best wishes.

1 like, 7 replies

7 Replies

  • Posted

    You would never be classed as an 'alcoholic' by me because I don't use the word and I have been working with people with alcohol issues, on and off, for over 25 years. It is a word with serious negative implications. You DO, however, suffer from Alcohol Use Disorder, the up-to-date term for this MEDICAL condition. It IS a medical condition and not a life style choice. The majority of people enjoy drinking alcohol but only a few unlucky ones get into difficulty. This is due to their body reacting in a different way to alcohol, than most people's does.

    Have a read online about The Sinclair Method. There is a good article on this site at:

    Stop blaming yourself because this is NOT your fault.

    It may be that you would need an alcohol detox prior to starting The Sinclair Method if you did choose to use that, that depends on the severity of any alcohol withdrawal symptoms you get. Don't try to go cold turkey if you do have physical withdrawal symptoms as this can be dangerous and even fatal so get medical help, in the form of a detox before stopping drinking, if you do have these symptoms.

  • Posted

    I think that you already know the answer to your question Wave. You say that it put's your Wife through worry and stress, is that a problem to you? I'm also 36, and one of the things I have learnt throughout any engagement with recovery is that everyone's problems are relative. It's how they effect your life. There seems to be alot of competition when it comes to expressing consumption or levels of hurt when addressing any substance missuse. In the eyes of your Doctor and Government, you would indeed be labled an Alcoholic, you can look up the "AUDIT-c" form (Alcohol Use Disorders Identification Test) that shows you a list of questions they use to diagnose you. But I'm pretty sure most people would be classed as Alcoholic if they were truthful. On the other hand you may have someone on the other end of the spectrum who thinks you are not drinking enough to have any kind of problem with Alcohol when you can go without for 4 or 5 nights. So whether you drink a glass of wine or a bottle of Vodka a night, if you start feeling it's a problem, then It probably is. So, then you have to ask yourself what you want to do about it? You ask about withdrawals. I'm not quite sure if you have hit the dependancy stage where you have to have a drink before you can function properly or get out of bed, which is definitley on your side. You'll hear it 100x over on here not to go cold Turkey due to he fact you would do more harm than good to your body, even get seziures, which is all true if you have Alcohol dependancy but also some people find easing of the booze gives a better result when trying to kick the habit. The truth is that once you have set a goal that is inline and really what you want to achieve, it's trial and error. Rule of thumb is cutting down 10% a week. I  and (I think) everyone on here are more than geared up to give you any help and support that you need. So don't bet coy about asking any question, no matter how small. Good luck bud.

  • Posted

    hi Wave. listen to Paul Turner and also Pista since very good replies and yes you have a problem but great that you have joined this forum. We will not misjudge and only give good advice..Robin
  • Posted

    Hi there, no need to feel nervous on here.  I am reasonably new and was nervous but I have never read such honest and down right humbling honesty and it made me feel 100% better (husband absolutely does not get the fact that I had a big problem). 

    I had around 20 units every night and have drank (not at that level, but every day for years and years)  The last six months got really bad to the point that my hands had started to shake all day.  Very embarrassing when my husband would ask if I could send some emails for his business first thing in the morning.  I blamed his keyboard being different to mine (lie) because my hands were all over the place. 

    I quietly cried and in desperation googled alcohol disorder; I came across this site and it has turned my life around.  I tapered slowly each week and have now got control over it.

    Speak with honesty here and you will never be judged just motivated on.

    Your in the right place...................G.

    • Posted

      Really good advice. So glad you've git a handle on it now. ??

  • Posted

    Its very heart warming to read your feelings for your wife.

    very scary that your feelings can not make you stop drinking.

    I'm very aware of being torn between family and my drinking.

    And I have learned over the amount of love can make me stop.

    this condition is a "killer" takes everything.

    Very brave of you to post.

    I hope that the advice you get is helpful..although I KNOW that all advice is just jibber jab if I am not ready to stop.

    There are options as the Sinclair method.

    There are always 2 choices.

    cut down (Sinclair)

    Or Stop...which is usually very hard.

    And talking out the fear helps too.


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