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Hi all. I'm 45 and have had symptoms of perimenopause for the last 4 years. I'm looking forward to menopause so this hell will end. I was in denial of perimenopause until recently when I finally accepted it. I cried non-stop for a week not wanting to accept that my young fertile body is no more. I'm single, never married, and i haven't been on a date for over 2 years since my ex broke up with me and broke my heart. He couldn't handle being with someone who was going through perimenopause. But at the time I didn't know it was perimenopause, I just thought I was crazy, maybe clinically depressed. I had and still have horrible pms, insomnia, and night sweats. The week before my period all those symptoms are at their worse. I'm feeling very alone, none of my friends are going through this. And the people at work are very unsupportive and don't understand. I have a mortgage and I'm terrified of losing my job and then losing everything. I even think of horrible thoughts of suicide if I were to lose my job. I don't think I would but I'm so alone and just feel hopeless. I only work 30 hours a week and can barely do that. I come to work sometimes on only 3 or 4 hours of sleep and look and feel horrible. I'm incredibly anti-social since I can't sleep and am always tired. I have old friends contact me that are in town and need a place to stay but I hide away and lie to them about how busy I am because I don't want anyone to stay here because I already can't sleep and am so sensitive to noise how would I be able to sleep with a house guest. I feel bad about lying to friends but I'm so desperate for sleep and I don't think they'd understand.
I'm now taking lots of b vitamins, vitamin e, evening primrose oil, vitamin c, and i get a lot of sun so my d levels should be fine. I guess I'm just trying to suffer through it. I'm scared I'll be alone forever.
2 years ago my dad passed away and I've never had a single friend hug me. I need a shoulder to cry on so badly. I miss my dad. I miss my boyfriend. I'm so sad and depressed.
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