In peri-menopause and need support

Posted , 10 users are following.

Hi all. I'm 45 and have had symptoms of perimenopause for the last 4 years. I'm looking forward to menopause so this hell will end. I was in denial of perimenopause until recently when I finally accepted it. I cried non-stop for a week not wanting to accept that my young fertile body is no more. I'm single, never married, and i haven't been on a date for over 2 years since my ex broke up with me and broke my heart. He couldn't handle being with someone who was going through perimenopause. But at the time I didn't know it was perimenopause, I just thought I was crazy, maybe clinically depressed. I had and still have horrible pms, insomnia, and night sweats. The week before my period all those symptoms are at their worse. I'm feeling very alone, none of my friends are going through this. And the people at work are very unsupportive and don't understand. I have a mortgage and I'm terrified of losing my job and then losing everything. I even think of horrible thoughts of suicide if I were to lose my job. I don't think I would but I'm so alone and just feel hopeless. I only work 30 hours a week and can barely do that. I come to work sometimes on only 3 or 4 hours of sleep and look and feel horrible. I'm incredibly anti-social since I can't sleep and am always tired. I have old friends contact me that are in town and need a place to stay but I hide away and lie to them about how busy I am because I don't want anyone to stay here because I already can't sleep and am so sensitive to noise how would I be able to sleep with a house guest. I feel bad about lying to friends but I'm so desperate for sleep and I don't think they'd understand.

I'm now taking lots of b vitamins, vitamin e, evening primrose oil, vitamin c, and i get a lot of sun so my d levels should be fine. I guess I'm just trying to suffer through it. I'm scared I'll be alone forever.

2 years ago my dad passed away and I've never had a single friend hug me. I need a shoulder to cry on so badly. I miss my dad. I miss my boyfriend. I'm so sad and depressed.

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13 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi tara60627

    We note from a recent post which you have made to our forum that you may be experiencing thoughts around self-harm. If we have misinterpreted your comments then we apologies for contacting you directly. But if you are having such thoughts then please note that you are not alone in this, and there are people out there that can help.

    If you are having these suicidal thoughts then we strongly recommend you speak to someone who may be able to help. The Samaritans offer a safe space where you can talk openly about what you are going through. They can help you explore your options, understand your problems better, or just be there to listen.

    Their contact details are on our patient information leaflet here:, which also offers lots of other advice on how you can access the help you may need.

    If you are having such thoughts then please do reach out to the team at the Samaritans (or the other people detailed in our leaflet) who will understand what you're going through and will be able to help.

    Kindest regards


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  • Posted


    I'm so sorry for what you are living through. Wish I could send you a real hug! I've been through some variation of what you are sharing. After many trial and errors with mediacation for my depression and anxiety, Klonopin and Lamicatal have saved my life and I have not been in a depression for over a decade and my anxiety has gone from unlivable to having a good life and being social and owning a boutique.

    I think you need to see a therapist (saved my life, I've been going 20 years now weekly) getting on meds and watch the B vitamins. I can't take them because they cause anxiety and I couldn't sleep. Stay away from caffeine and alcohol as well. Both keep you from sleeping. Alcohol may help get you to sleep but how it breaks down in your body makes people wake up and stay awake through the night.

    I've just gotten back to using essential oils and they are helping.

    Once you get your self esteem back and your sleep structure is in tact, you can slowly heal and want to join the world again. I have a wonderful second husband whom I met on 8 years ago. I still struggle with days I don;t want to leave the house (today for sure) I feel sad for good reason at times and anxiety comes and goes. But all of these are in a more "normal level for who I am and going through perimenopause.

    I'm finding this the tough part, the menopause amplifies our feelings.

    So, baby steps.

    Psychiatrist for  the right meds

    Find a good therapist- find one that will do a sliding scale to help in cost

    be good to yourself, be patient and kind. Life is hard for all of us, you are not alone.

    Join a grieving support group about losing your father- you might meet some people/man

    eat well, stretch

    exercise if you can

    lot's of water

    decaf green tea and good foods. I joined weight watchers and lost 60 pounds in a year and I'm back into a size 8. and I met great people in the meetings.

    I highly recommend getting books from Brene Brown, or on tape, audible on your phone. She is inspiring and really gets it.

    Journal about what is good in your life. write 3 things that you are grateful for a day. Even on bad days you can find things to be grateful for... if it's heat or being able to walk, see, hear, to love. It has been proven to decrease depression.

    And give yourself a hand for being brave and writing on this forum, Go you. There is your first step!

    Keep me posted!




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  • Posted

    Dear Tara

    Big hugs to u, im messaging you all the way from seychelles. Since being a member on here i have had great support from so many lovely ladies. You are not alone in this, i am in peri too,  my bf also walk away 3yrs ago. I feel lonely too, but i try to cope, please treat yourself now and again, it helps to boost confidence. I suffer alot from this peri too, i dont have many friends, i spend most of my time alone. What i do is pamper myself when i can, a new dress, do my nails, hair. Simple things help when you feel down. Have a warm bath with ur fav oils, Bath foam. I am also trying online dating, meet up groups. Its good to talk, thats what i do. We are here for you anytime. Big hugs...

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  • Posted

    A HUGE HUGs to you Tara!   You are not alone. We are all here. I know physically we are not next to each other but yes we all are here for each other. Going through perimenopause is very hard. Perhaps it is for the best that we are not all in one room. We all need our space.  Write to us and share.  Some of us live alone, some of us live with bf, partners, husbands, children... But going through perimenopause is an individual experience and most of the time no matter who is around and next to you, you are alone and lonely.  People who are around can make it worse too. I feel alone and isolated too. I sometimes don't even answer my best/dearest friends phone calls. Please don't feel alone. Sending you the BEST WIBES!

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  • Posted

    We are here for you. I understand. I had to leave my significant other after eight years because he wouldn't commit. I'm lonely too. I'm 58, never married, no children. I've been off work two days wallowing and feeling sorry for myself. I have a friend that got married for the THIRD time in August. I'm like what's wrong with me? I can't even get one through the door. I feel stick financially as I have student loan debt at almost 60. I pray to God every day to help me. I know he will in his own time. I just haven't wanted to deal with people lately. I want to find my passion. My job pays the bills, it's not my passion.

    I'm going to pray for you Tara, and all us ladies on here that are going through this. Keep your head up(I know, it's difficult). 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🙏🙏

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  • Posted

    Hi, Tara,

    I'm here for you and I understand what you're saying.  I am terribly sorry for the loss of your father.  I am 47 and have been going through peri for over 5 years.  In the beginning I didn't understand what was going on.  I had night sweats, the beginning of irregular periods, severe anxiety, depression, strange aches and pains and a terrible sense of feeling alone--and so many other symptoms.  All of this has increased over the last 5+ years.  I have also had feelings of hopelesness during this time.  While all this was going on I took a leave of absence from a highly stressful job to take care of both of my parents who are relatively young but both stricken with very severe, life threatening illnesses.  I eventually resigned my position upon urging of my husband to care for my parents full time.  My husband, who was once very supportive of all that I was going through with perimenopause and parental care issues, has grown weary of my stress and pain and has become apathetic and sometimes even cruel (he is an alcoholic--that is a different story for another day).  We have no children.  I have felt so fortunate to have found this forum to share my peri concerns and gather information from these amazingly inciteful women, otherwise I may have gone completely crazy a long time ago.  Sometimes I feel so incredibly alone and that no one understands how I feel.  I have little interest in anything and it seems I just do the bare minimum these days to get by.  I avoid people as much as possible.  I feel like if anyone were to ask me how I was doing (even in passing) I would just burst into tears.

    I did see my natural wellness doctor recently and she listened to me and prescribed adrenal supplements, magnesium, vitamin D and bioidentical hormones.  She also put me on a dairy and gluten free diet.  This regimen is beginning to help.  It has given me more strength to care for myself and my parents.  I try to take walks and remind myself that the issues with peri will eventually get better.  I am heartbroken that I will never have children, but I have beautiful little nieces and a lovely nephew in my life. 

    I want you to understand that you are not alone!  The feelings your are having are hormonally related and hormones are powerful.  My doctor told me eventually all of these peri issues will even out and that the terrible feelings will pass and I will start to physically/emotionally feel better.  I try to remind myself of that everyday.  

    I understand everything you are saying.  Please see your GP or other healthcare provider and tell them evertyhing you are feeling.  You will get thru this with the proper care and support.  I know you say you feel very alone, but I think you will find tremendous support in this forum and many suggestions for how to get through this and feel stronger and healthier.  

    Please keep me posted on how you're doing.  Please remember you are not alone!!  Take care of yourself!  Big hugs--Sarah

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  • Posted

    Well I’m sending you a HUGE ((((??)))) 😊.... you WILL get thru this I promise you. Don’t be afraid to talk about it to your true friends ... if they haven’t gone thru it tell them about it.  Here anytime 💗xx

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  • Posted

    Thank you all so much. Reading these posts has really changed my attitude. I wanted to say that I shouldn't have posted about how I had thought about harming myself because I know I could never do that. Life is so short as it is and I know I'll be ok somehow and just need to live day by day when things feel bad. I guess when I'm at my most depressed I might think things like "I'm so sad and I can't live like this". But I would never ever end my life and I'm sorry I said that. I'm lucky for many reasons and have a lot to be thankful for. The most frustrating thing for me about peri is that I'm not enjoying this beautiful gift of life as I should be, at the moment. Like I said, life is short... so i want to enjoy it, make the most of it.

    I will see my gp. Thanks for the push to do so. smile

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  • Posted

    Sorry you feel so sad! I can relate. I feel alone too, I’m 42 years old and in meno. Nobody understands. My hrt helps a lot and hope things will be better. I just don’t want to suffer and I’ll use hrt the longer I can. It’s horrible to have to handle all these awful meno symptoms. I just don’t want to struggle to cope every single day. I want my mood and my energy back. 
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