inappropriate behaviour

Hi I'm no medical expert but I wonder where she learned the things she is talking about. You don't mention her age but if she is not a teenager I would be worried. As a mother of two young girls I am quite strict with what they view on tv or music videos and films not appropriate for their age but other children even in my own family are allowed to view and discuss in front of my oldest (7yrs) sometimes it's just copying to fit in without an understanding of what it means. Recently my 12 yr old step daughter and 12 yr old niece came to me for advice cos they've heard things at school....... They asked me what nugget porn is?! I hadn't a clue. I googled and after my initial disgust I reluctantly explained and asked why and they said lads at school talk about that and other stuff and if they say they don't know they get laughed at so they lie and pretend they know and join in. It could be down to trying to fit in? Sorry If it's not much help just really feel for you as I would like you are be desperate for answers in that situation, no parent wants to hear their daughter say things like that. Talk to her calmly and don't make it seem like a big deal or try an aunt / family friend - like I said my step daughter And niece came to me not their mums it's sometimes easier and less embarrassing to talk to someone other than ur parents - good luck 

I'm really sorry to hear that your daughter has been thru some awful things speaking from experience some girls keep things in and some girls especially vulnerable girls think its normal and she was probably told by her mums boyfriend that it's normal and will make boys like her. I'm just speculating and could be wrong but the best thing you can do is teach her to respect herself and listen to her no matter how hard it is to hear. I really wish you and your daughter all the best x

Fourteen is a difficult age for anyone, disabled just adds to that.  Puberty and all that goes along with it can ilicit precocious behaviour and attention getting behaviour.  Has she received any counselling with regard to what she experienced 2 years ago?  This needs to be dealt with in a healthy manner or it will get worse.  I would also suggest talking to her teachers and support staff about this problem so it can be nipped in the bud, but also understood a little better.  Is your daughter's disability physical or psychological?

Hi,

Sorry, I would give you a more formal reply but I don't know your name.

I noticed that this post was 9 months old and wondered if you were still have issues with your disabled daughter. Our youngest daughter is 14 years old now, and a mainstream school but she is not disabled at all. What she has to cope with is her home lifestyle which is not what you would class as normal.

We also have 2 sons aged 24 and 20, the younger one still lives at home with us and is in full time work as a Duty Manager for a retail store.

Now, I said my daughter does not have a normal home life compared to most girls of her age, I am not referring to anything inappropriate behaviour. We have had numerous episodes with her, at first we thought it was because I am disabled serverly, and she has seen me go through cancer, and on top of that I nearly died twice from the inside out, when I had part of my intestines turn gangrene. Our daughter used to get picked on in the Infants and Junior Schools, in the Mainstream School seen a drastic change and no one even touched her or spoke to her wrong and she would hit them or back chat them, this didn't stop at just other kids older than her, but also teachers as well.

What my wife and I, couldn't understand was why her whole outlook on life changed, in what seemed a school change. Anyway, I started emailing her Head of Year, whom passed me to her Tutor, we spoke on the phone and via email. Because her behaviour became worse, then she was put on Report, which had to be signed by all teachers, us and the tutor each day. We looked to see if there was a pattern involved regarding her teachers, strangely enough there was no pattern there either.

We could not see what had caused such a huge change in behaviour. As parents, we were always down to earth, and always have been with all our children. I am quite up on computers and high level computer analysis so finding anything on her PC gave me nothing! So, we started having chats with her, she seemed more at ease with me than her mum, this to me seemed, but could be because she had a very strong bond wiith me, because of having cancer and nearly dying twice, which took 10 months to recover from. Shes always showed love and attention to both of us, as any normal child would do - but like any teen she has her moments. The easy way we deal with that is either taking her iPad or iPhone off her (not so much her phone though, because we like to be able to keep in contact).

Eventually, we did find out the cause of the behaviour issues, now I told you she was on report, so lessons and teachers we were keeping an eye on, but we overlooked one thing. It my day all we had was teachers, but these days they have Teaching Assistants, known as TA's, of course these don't sign Reports and stating "Requires Improvement" on most lessons she was having. Well, it turned out that everytime a certain TA was in any lesson our daughter was in, she would deliberately say some snidely remark, to get our daughter to either backchat or just ignore her, but if she ignored the TA then the TA told the Teacher to put "Requires Improvement" regardless of what our daughter had done, if anything!

Anyway, I sent a written email to the Head of Year and our daughters Tutor, asking if they would have a word with the TA involved. Within a week, our daughters whole attitude changed. Which just goes to prove, sometimes it can be something that is troubling your child that doesn't show up, or obvious.

I am not this is the case with your daughter, and that could back date to her being sexually abused. Have you ever thought of contacting the NSPCC or letting your daughter sign up for a ChildLine account, where she can speak to children of her own age? The NSPCC could direct you to the right place, they are good and give prompt replies.

Regards,

Les.