Increased anxieties

Many thanks for the response.  However, this would be completely impossible for me.  My insurance and pension is, or was American, but did not mature, due to having to return to the UK for family reasons.  

I do not know what assisted living is, but I think not praticable for me.  My daughter's father has just died having been put, post THR for "rehabilitation", and I think this is the type of facility  you are suggesting.  Not for me, I am afraid.

Yes here the rehab, assisted living and nursing home are all in one facility....Not together but in one building...

Not sure why you think this would be suitable environment for me.  I am not a nursing home candidate in any way.  Assisted Living sounds dreadful, and I know a little too much about rehab...

No this facility is part of the hospital, cardic care rehab after surgery, rehab after back or hip surgery, 24 hour nurses available if needed, you are in your own room but eat in a dining area together. You are too defensive. No one is attacking you they are actually trying to help.

I have no idea why you are tying labels around my neck.  Who do you think I am saying is attacking me, and why would I e defensive?  

I have stated that I don ot feel that this would be a suitable option for me, and have given my reasons. I have made a very important statement - that my daughter's father has recently died in one of these facilities, and that surely is reason enough.  More to the point, it would be impratical on several levels, and from what I have just read, suitable for gertriac patients, which I am not.  

Many thanks for the help, and support, but there has to be other solutions which permit me to live as I choose in my own home, without being institutionalised.  Obviously, I shall need some sort of support for the first week or so, but I could not live in an environment of the type you are suggesting.

I have just taken a look at your profile and found that you are living in Michigan, USA.  I believe that we may well be talking about two entirely different types of "assisted living!"  However, having lived in New York and San Francisco whilst I followed my career, my only exposure to medicine was through my former partner, an ortohpaedic surgeon, and hand surgery, that required very little rehabilitation.

Assisted Living in the UK, is mostly directed at geriatric patients, and as I have said, I do not fall into that category, and hopefully not for some considerable time to come.  

I do not feel that it is apprporiate to accuse another forum member of being too defensive or under "attack."  We are lving in different countries with different systems.

 

Sorry, I was trying to help....

Susie, 

I live alone too and had 2 THR surgeries - My friend helped me out with groceries - I had home health nurse come in daily for the 1st 7 days , to help  me strip wash - 

I was not offered the option to go to a Care facility and I wish they had -not sure how to call it - most are situated in a senior citizen home - You have your own room, you will be looked after , medication, meals, washing, dressing etc. - Physical Therapist will come to you ...

I am volunteering in a senior citizen home right now and have met post-op knee and hip people - if I would have known it would be so nice I might have gone there for a week or so - 

I probably would have been less scared knowing that medical help was right there ....

But hey,  dit it all by my self and made it .... 

I live right in the middle of a bungalow park in the woods - no one around me as it is off-season ...

I dislike it when people say: if I can do it, you can do it too .... 

so I am not sayin it, but it is doable - and you are so well prepared -

big hug

renee

Hi Renee:

I have just emailed you on this.  So, not really any need to go any further, other than to say, that I honestly would not entertain going into a facility of this sort.  My daughter's father has just died in one of these following THR, and I intensely dislike being institutionalised.  Probably the result of being put into too many boarding schools from age five on.  I rebel - big time!

Have always been a self starter, self reliant and independent, but do recognise the need for for some form of support for the first few days post release, but definitely not in this environment.

Lots of love to you,

Susie

hi susie,

maybe unrelated, but one of the most frightening thing for

me was (still) to ask for help ....to have to depend on others. ..

this journey is very confrontational to me ... I understand your

aversion of "institutions " .....

I am sorry for your pain. ..

warm hug

Renee ❤

Hi Renee:  You are very perceptive.  You have hit the nail right on the head.  I have a strong aversion to being regimented and institutionalised.  Probably going back to being sent to boarding schools at age 5 with my 3 1/2 year sister totally dependent on me.  They separated us, and she was traumatised,  I spent a lot of time looking for her.  The second one was an enormous convent, with enormous dormitories and nuns who stole the new clothes that we were sent in with.  I had graduated to a size one sandal and they took them from me. They were new and they put me into a much smaller size that crippled me.  They took all my birthday presents, too.  I used to wake up screaming because of frequent nightmares.  I witnessed the samesort of  thing when my Mother was put into respite care, and from there, into a Nursing Home. I was powerless to do anything because I was compelled to sign paperwork signing away my Power of Attorney. The nuns were sadistic and unloving.  As were the two principals at the snooty boarding school we were sent to afterward.

This is why I have problems giving control to others, because it is rarely to my advantage.  I have experienced this recently with agencies that were involved in a campaign of harassment and abuse on the part of a young couple living upstairs.  I was not believed and they were, until I came up with undeniable proof that they were stalking and booby trapping me.  The agencies were working against me and not protecting me, until quite then.  Had I had the surgery two years ago, when it should have occurred, and returned home on crutches, there is no doubt in my mind that there would have been further booby trapping. Right now, neither of them are in residence, but visit on an all too frequent basis. 

The consensus of opinion on why they were doing this was based purely upon social class, life style and educational differences. She is an owner/occupier as am I.  Her partner is a thug and abusive and sadistic.  They are both bullies and bullies are cowards, and generally work in tandem, supporting the behaviour of the other.  

As a consequence of the above, I am reluctant to seek help from any local governmentally run agency, and would never submit to being put into any sort of convalescent or rehab institution.  I have been subjected to, and witnessed too much.  Unfortunately, I will have to permit district nurses, etc.,  into my home, and they will have to have keys, and this horrifies me.

I survived all that, but the scars do raise their heads when i am put into vulnerable situations.  My own inner resources and intelligence have to be drawn upon so that I can analyse my situation, and deal with it appropriately, without permitting my natural instinct to flee.  Flight or fright!

I am quite anxious right now, as my first meeting with the consultant comes up tomorrow, and from that point on, I am placing my wellbeing in his hands.

Many thanks for your perception and understanding,

Much love,

Susie

Susie

Hi..CelsB." and I refuse to consider the negatives " 

I like they the words and your so right....Keep safe and hope all turns out well for ya all...

PJ

I have been following the forum on pretty much a daily basis.  Some of the horror stories, I do find rather alarming.  I am unused to the UK system, having spet most of my life in New York and San Francisco.  The only contact with the UK system was concerning my, now deceased Mother's care. but that was geratric.

Assisted living has been suggested by Lors, for a couple of weeks. I do not do well in these sorts of environments, and I have seen far too much manhandling of patients, and I will not tolerate that.  My daughter's father has just died following THR in one of those facilities!.  No thank you!

Adding to what I have already said.  The moving around of patients from one facility to another is disruptive to the patient.  It is more designed to prevent bed blocking.  I have a pretty good idea what these faclities are like, and I have witnessed a fair amount of manhandling, which is dehumanising.  I would never submit myself to such a situation.  I want to be in my own home, and my own bed.  

I will make it a point to research what "assisted living" in the UK actually means.  I have the impression that it falls into a similar category to rehabilitation and nursing home facilities, and I am not a good candidate for either.  I do not like being institionalised!

How old is your friend in San Francisco? I've never heard of anyone losing use of a foot after this surgery. I'm thinking she had circulatory problems in her legs to begin with. You sound really scared! Seems like every offer of an idea to help is immediately shot down by you. I live in California, so i dont know the system where you are. You doctor or health care manager is your best source of info. I wish i lived near you to be able to help you. Best wishes!

I think that what you may need is a convalescent facility, largely no longer available. Maybe some investigating along those lines may show something.  Most that are know of are on the coast, though I have heard that the retirement village in Freshford has something along those lines

I am completely with you in what you have said.  When I am unwell and recovering, I want the familiarity and comfort of my own home and bed, and not to be institutionalised.  I saw a little too much of that when my Mother was "shoved" into a nursing home against my will. Some of what my mother described whilst in her nursing home, and during respite care, had my hair standing on end.  The staff simply did not care. Most of them were very young girls running around in a gang and supporting each other in the manner in which they manhandled the patients in their care. This was in the so called respite care facility.  When I went to pick up my mother from respite care, the clothes that were returned to me, were not the clothes that had been sent in with her.  They were essentially "rags" and the quality clothing that she had, had all been taken. The only item that was original to her was a new Pringle cardigan, that was returned, obviously "boiled" in a washing machine, and reduced to a matted rag.  No one knew anything.  

I have always been totally self sufficient and independent, but I do recognise that I will need help in some form.  But resist any form of manhandling, which I have experienced and witnessed.  It is dehumanising and undignified.  

Good Afternoon, Debbie:  

To which offers of an idea do you refer that I have immediately shot down?  I have given valid reasons  why geratric Assisted Living is not practical for me.   I am not going to be put in the position of having to defend my reasons for not wishing to be institionalised, and have already addressed them.  

I know nothing of the California system with respect to after care for this type of surgery, so cannot possibly comment on it.  I can only comment on what I know of and have witnessed in these types of situations in the UK, and it is not for me.

My friend is 45 years, and she plays tennis, aerobics, is an avid skiier, raised in Switzerland and almost on skis, and used to jog around San Francisco Marina from North Beach to the foot of the Golden Gate Bridge with me.  So, no circulatory problemsof whih I am aware.

I am wary because surgery performed in San Francisco for a cosmesis on my dominant hand was messed up by a doctor, whom I later was advised was a foot doctor.  He left me without the top joint of my middle finger, dominant hand, and set it at a right angle.  Needless to say it had to be revised by another more experienced surgeon.  In addition it put me out of business because I was then unable to undertake the fine detail of technical drawing in my profession as an Interior Designer.  CAD was not in wide use at that time.

So, please do not confront me with statements from California, knowing nothing of our system, that I am shooting down suggestions immediately they are made, when you know nothing of my circumstances or the experiences I have witnessed.  It is both inapproproate and unfair.

Hi Maggie:

I do not think a convalescent facility will be practical for me.  I have too many responsibilities here.  I have outlined the issues that I face in an earlier email to you, so no need to go into detail on the Forum.  I have time, and think I shall have to pay for a private person to come in for an hour or so, and ensure that I have all I need, close to hand, should an emergency come up.

Fortunately, I am in quite good shape and heal rapidly, so that is worth something, but it is all still an unknown!  Unfortunately, I have not been able to keep up with activities such as the seven mile runs that I was able to do, and from what I understand, even with a new hip, it is not recommended as it is high impact.  So power, walking and golf will have to do, along with walks along the canal with my camera.  Cardio vascular has long been neglected, and that is not good!

All the best to you,

Susie