infertility, what options do I have?

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Really don’t know what to do, need your advice. My husband and I have got married 4 year ago. First year of our marriage we’ve been trying to conceive a baby, but unsuccessfully. And actually I knew the reason why. When I was 17 I had an abortion. Nobody knew about it. I had never told about it neither my parents nor friends. And I was very scared to tell about it to my husband. I was afraid he won’t understand and he’ll leave me. And I would never tell about it to my parents. They are very strict and spiritual people. Every day I hear “We want grandchildren!”, “Why don't you still have kids?”, “Don’t you want to become a mother?” Of course I want! I’ve been thinking about it every second of my life and still do!

One day I made a decision to tell everything to my husband and I did. I was surprised by his reaction, because he actually supported me and he really didn’t understand why I was so afraid to tell him earlier. He gave me courage to tell my parents about the reason of my infertility. But their reaction surprised me even more and not in a good sense. In a word, we never talk after that “conversation”. Their words had almost broken me down, but thanks to my husband, I gathered my spirits and we started to thinks about solutions, because we still wanted to have kids. 

So we decided to try IVF. We had 5 cycles and all of them failed. I blame myself and I understand that all this is only my fault. This is so painful! I cry all night long, I just don’t know what to do. I want to stop this depression, want to start living, want to have a happy family and the most important – want to have children! We think about surrogacy. But where should we start our search? Maybe you could advice a good clinic? And also IVF procedures pulled a lot of money from us, so maybe you know clinics with affordable prices? 

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  • Posted

    Dear, I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Your husband is a great person. This is very nice he supported you and never blamed you. And I'm sorry your parents reacted in such way. You didn't do anything wrong. I'm sure at that time you have your reasons to do abortion. Family should be the main support for everyone. I hope your parents will change their mind. 

    I'm sorry your ivfs failed. I can't even imagine how whole this situation is hard for you. Dear, don't give up. You have amazing husband. Together you will find the best way out of this vicious cycle. There are many clinics and many professional doctors. I'm sure at least one of them will help you for sure.

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    • Posted

      Thanks for the reply! Yes my hubby is the best. I'm so lucky I have him. He is the most supportive and caring person I've ever had. I miss my parents so much... Though they’ve hurt me. After our argument I felt so angry. I thought I will never ever forgive them. I decided I'll never talk to them again. Now I'm calmed down a little bit... And I want to see them, to hug them, to speak to them... It's been almost 3 years since our argument. I hope our relationships will be back to normal one day. Anyway thanks for support! I really need it right now.

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  • Posted

    The best person to ask this question is a Reproductive Endocrinologist or an OB/GYN that specializes in fertility.

    As someone that has been through fertility treatments and have friends that have been as well, I can tell you some of the most common and effective treatments out there to help those of us suffering from infertility.

    Clomid/Femara with Timed Intercourse (with or without HCG Trigger Shot) - This is the least involved treatment and is usually the first thing doctors will try, unless the testing you and your partner go through shows this is not an option. Basically, you will wait for your cycle to start and take the medication daily, usually either cycle days (CDs) 3–7 or 5–9. After taking the medication, you will have to monitor for signs of ovulation. Some doctors will have you use an at home ovulation test kit, which is basically just a bunch of test strips that can detect your LH. You will normally ovulate within 24–48 hours of the positive test. Other doctors may want to be a bit more precise, which means they will most likely have you come in on CD 12 for an ultrasound to check how your follicles have responded to the medication. If you have at least 1 or 2 mature follicles, they will give you instructions for when they feel you should have intercourse based on the ultrasound. If your doctor does decide to do ultrasound monitoring, many times they will have you use an HCG trigger shot, which will force your body to release the mature follicle(s) within 24–48 hours after taking it. On average it takes about 36 hours for trigger shot to work. Again, the doctor will instruct you on when to have intercourse.

    Clomid/Femara with IUI (with or without HCG Trigger Shot) - For a typical Intrauterine Insemination (IUI) cycle, you will take the same medications as a timed intercourse cycle, but you will be monitored by ultrasound for ovulation. Very few doctors will perform an IUI without a trigger shot. Once at least one of your follicles reach a specific measurement, the doctor will instruct you when to administer the trigger shot and will schedule your IUI for about 24–36 hours after the injection. At this point, you will arrive for the appointment with your partner. He will have to drop of his semen sample with the lab to be washed, concentrated, and placed in a syringe with a long, thin catheter attached. If you are using a sperm donor, your lab should already have the sample ready for you. When it's time for the procedure, you will go into the room and prepare as you would for a Pap smear. They will insert a speculum and then thread the catheter through your cervix. At this point they will flush the prepared sperm sample from the syringe and into your uterus. Normally you will be asked to lay still on your back for 5–15 minutes. Afterwards, you are free to go about life as usual. You may be encouraged to have intercourse the following day or two as well.

    Injectables with IUI - Many doctors don't offer this option, but if they do, instead of taking an oral medication like Clomid or Femara, you will have multiple medications that will have to be given by injection one or more times a day. Other than that, the procedure is done the exact same way as described in the description above.

    In Vitro Fertilization - Due to the complexity and many different options that can be involved with In Vitro Fertilization (IVF), I have included the following link to explain it in more detail. In Vitro Fertilization (IVF): Side Effects and Risks:

    Hopefully this gives you a little more insight into some of the most effective treatments for infertility!

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  • Posted

    Hi OP! I'm so sorry you have to go through this nightmare. All our actions have consequences. But don't give up! You still have options. You can try surrogacy or adoption. I also faced infertility. My situation is a little bit different, but still painful. I was diagnosed with cancer of the uterus. The uterus, fallopian tubes and ovaries were removed. I'm thinking about using services of surrogate mother. Now I collect all needed information. I hope you will find the best option for you! I wish you best of luck!

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