Really don’t know what to do, need your advice. My husband and I have got married 4 year ago. First year of our marriage we’ve been trying to conceive a baby, but unsuccessfully. And actually I knew the reason why. When I was 17 I had an abortion. Nobody knew about it. I had never told about it neither my parents nor friends. And I was very scared to tell about it to my husband. I was afraid he won’t understand and he’ll leave me. And I would never tell about it to my parents. They are very strict and spiritual people. Every day I hear “We want grandchildren!”, “Why don't you still have kids?”, “Don’t you want to become a mother?” Of course I want! I’ve been thinking about it every second of my life and still do!
One day I made a decision to tell everything to my husband and I did. I was surprised by his reaction, because he actually supported me and he really didn’t understand why I was so afraid to tell him earlier. He gave me courage to tell my parents about the reason of my infertility. But their reaction surprised me even more and not in a good sense. In a word, we never talk after that “conversation”. Their words had almost broken me down, but thanks to my husband, I gathered my spirits and we started to thinks about solutions, because we still wanted to have kids.
So we decided to try IVF. We had 5 cycles and all of them failed. I blame myself and I understand that all this is only my fault. This is so painful! I cry all night long, I just don’t know what to do. I want to stop this depression, want to start living, want to have a happy family and the most important – want to have children! We think about surrogacy. But where should we start our search? Maybe you could advice a good clinic? And also IVF procedures pulled a lot of money from us, so maybe you know clinics with affordable prices?