Insomnia after breakup of relationship please help..

Hi Angela,

So sorry to hear about this. I'm afraid a break-up is something most of us have been through at one time or another.

The main thing is not to panic about it. I know only too well, from personal experience, how exhausted sleepless nights can make you feel but it's important to remember that this won't do you any long-term harm, and you will eventually start sleeping normally again.

Your doctor was right to give you only a limited course of Zopiclone. This, like all sleeping pills, quickly produces dependency, meaning you can soon reach a state where you can't sleep at all without it, and need increasing doses too.

I was always a poor sleeper, and went through a 40-year period of poor sleep (yes - I said 40!) after being obliged to work an impossible shift system for a year or so at age 25. I didn't really start sleeping normally till I retired from paid employment at age 66, nine years ago. I never sought prescription sleeping pills in all that time, as I'm a former nurse and knew about the down side.

I did, however, take a very small dose of an over-the-counter antihistamine on some nights. A word of CAUTION here: if you take antihistamines every night, the effect will be the same as regular use of sleeping pills. You'll become dependent on them and they'll stop working, leaving you in an even worse state. I knew about this, so only took a very small dose for a maximum of three consecutive nights. Then I'd tough it out for the next 7-10 days before repeating the cycle. I found that three decent nights were enough to restore my confidence that I could sleep, before all the anxiety returned a few nights later. I did this for 40 years without them ever losing their effectiveness.

If you do want to try antihistamines, remember to keep the dose very low, and to take it an hour or so before going to bed. Their effect is quite weak, and they won't knock you out as soon as you take them. This means that if you take them at bedtime you'll still be awake an hour later wondering why you aren't asleep, and the anxiety will kick in again. Never take a second dose if you wake during the night, as they can make you feel groggy next morning. And please don't take them every night without long breaks!

All that being said, the most important thing is to accept that you'll be having poor sleep for some time to come, and that it won't harm you. You don't say whether you have children or not but if you have, I'm sure you went through long periods of very poor sleep. Remember that many parents go through long periods of sleep deprival when their kids are small, without coming to any harm. You're quite right in saying you're going through a grieving process, and grief doesn't last for ever. You will eventually start sleeping again, so you don't need to tell yourself that you'll be like this forever.

I hope you'll soon start feeling better. There is life after a break-up, though it's always hard, however many times it happens - and I'm speaking as someone who managed to have her last romantic break-up at age 70 after a five-year relationship. (At least, I hope it was the last!) We never learn, do we...?

is the stress of the breakup still keeping you up or is it the stress of the insomnia or are you unsure. i would suggest seeing a therapist trained in cogntive behavioral therapy for insomnia (CBT-I). it is common for a single stressor to cause insomnia and for the insomnia to continue even after rhe stressor is gone.