intense euphoric feeling

occasionally, i have periods of intense joy and happiness that it brings me to tears, this happens when i find a character, or tv show, or person that makes me smile every time i see them, that is constantly on my mind. after a week, or sometimes months, years long i lose attachment when separated from that person or thing.

i feel estranged after being separated from them, the connection and overwhelming joy isn’t there, it’ll come in sparks but never stay, not when im away from it.

at times when my source of joy is a person i tend to put them on a pedestal, idolise them and stuff, think of them as everything good in the world. but then when they show negative emotions and we argue, i feel, like ive been betrayed. like it was all a lie, like they never really cared and, in moments like those that’s all i can see in them, and i become super bitter and passive aggressive.

once that angers faded and we are apart for a few months and see each other again after, i just feel emotionally detached and uncaring, like when i think of them leaving me i feel nothing at the thought, and i sometimes get annoyed when they interact with me, but i don’t want them to go? i just don’t understand, i don’t know what i feel, feels like i have no real control, like it changes constantly.

that’s all i have to say think, i am autistic so i think maybe this is because of hyper fixation? and just .. i dunno, i'm only recently diagnosed so i still don’t understand much, any words of wisdom appreciated

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