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I've always had some anxiety with HIV. However when I started having sex, it gotten out of control. I was raised in a religon household and was always taught that sex is bad and if I do not abide by God's rule I will contract HIV/AIDS. I was a virgin until I moved to go to college to complete my junior and senior year. The guy I was saying sexually assulted me without a condom and that is when the anxiety really started with almost every guy I dated after that.
I never told anyone I was sexually assaulted. This is my first time speaking about it.
My previous boyfriends thought may be I was crazy because I would constantly accuse them of having a STD when they told me that they were fine.
My ex broke up with me because of my anxiety. He got tested and I still was freaking out.
Now I am in a new relationship, and my anxiety is out of control because the guy I with has a past that is considered high risk.
2 years ago he got into trouble and to relieve his troubles he injected meth for a month. He told me he only used his own needles that he stole from hospitals and he never used one over again.
He then told me he had sex with 8 women unprotected and the last woman he had sex with was 8 months ago.
I told him I have a HIV anxiety. He reassured me he is ok and that he understand my fear so he went to get tested for just gonnerhea and Chlamydia. He told me all was ok but the HIV test isn't administered at the hospital and only at the clinics. We both work 8 to 5 jobs and by the we are off work all the clinics are closed.
We also have had sex but only used a condom for everything and I still think he's infected and I am too. He also just put the tip of his penis in me for 2 seconds or so and put the whole penis in for maybe 10 seconds with no ejaculation on either.
Since we are both busy, we are going to buy a test and take it together to clear my anxiety. He told me he's ok and can't wait to take it to show me.
I also asked him did the woman he slept with inect drugs he told me no and that they were weed heads or meth users.
He has changed now and that past is behind him. He's about to start school and currently work as a construction worker. I love him and wish I can live a normal life. We have been together for 5 months.
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