Intrusive thoughts, depression, emotional shock and losing feelings for boyfriend?

So, at the very beginning of this year in January I lost my job which was a huge shock and put me under a huge amount of stress. The night that I was told I couldn't stop crying for hours, not just because I was losing my job but because I almost felt rejected, along with emotional shock.

One morning a few days afterwards, I woke up and everything felt different, especially my relationship. I have now been with my boyfriend for just under 3 years and I was the happiest I'd ever been with him before I lost my job, we planned a holiday to Dubai which is in 3 weeks, lots of other things throughout the year and we had been discussing getting engaged, moving in together and all that other serious stuff. I loved my boyfriend a ridiculous amount, he was my bestfriend and I never took him for granted, I would always look forward to seeing him and being with him was when I felt most content and comfortable, even sitting and watching him work.

Now, I feel uncomfortable everywhere I go, even in my own skin, I can't get out of my routine thoughts, constantly having to question whether I love my boyfriend, whether I'm finding other people attractive and whether or not I want to be single, these thoughts give me almost painful anxiety, I'm unable to physically move when the thoughts start and they make me panic to the point where I feel like I'm going to be sick. Sometimes I'm able to break myself out of the thoughts, and in those times I get all of my feelings back for my boyfriend and I just feel like me again.

But sometimes the urge to find an answer and to think about those thoughts is too strong so I was hoping to find some reassurance in other people's similar experiences.

I've been looking on forums where people have experienced the exact same thing, but I have yet to read about anyone getting back to normal!

I got my job back about a month ago but nothing went back to normal. My boyfriend no longer feels like my bestfriend because I feel so distant from him. I feel as though I'm a completely different person after that experience and I feel like I've taken his girlfriend away. It just feels as though a switch was turned off and I have no idea how to fix it, and although most of the time I feel like I have no feelings, I still know that I don't want to lose him!

But, the fact that I've been fighting this feeling since January, and that I'm sometimes able to feel all of my old feelings again is what's giving me hope.

Please if anyone has experienced something similar leave a reply, it's the most horrible feeling ever and I feel so lost! Also if anyone has any ideas or solutions let me know!

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