Intrusive Thoughts - Scared!

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Since my anxiety has come back a little more than 4 months I’ve gone through a couple stages of anxiety.  My big one for the longest time was severe health anxiety.

For the past few weeks that has diminished and now I’ve developed bad intrusive thoughts.  I was suffering through horrible POCD (disgusting, I know) after watching a tv show episode and getting the anxiety for about 2 weeks.

Just as I was starting to get over it, my mind went to harm thoughts - hurting my loved ones and worrying I’m going to become a killer or listen to my horrible scary thoughts.

To make things worse, I’m supposed to switch to another antidepressant tonight Paroxetine after seeing a Psychiatrist who said this was good for OCD/intrusive thoughts and anxiety.  But then I heard that someone who was on Paroxetine killed his family or something and that really scared me.  

And then I saw on google (I know, never good) that there have been cases where people on antidepressants in general have committed homicide sad

So, of course now I’m freaking out because I’m on an antidepressant and have been for years and I’m worried I’ll end up hurting people I love sad

I’m trying to tell myself it’s just the anxiety and fear, but I doubt myself because of the intrusive thoughts.  I know in my head I’ve been on an antidepressant for 5 years and I felt normal and fine, but then I start to question it and worry well maybe I had weird thoughts or something during those years and forgot.

I don’t know, can anyone reassure me that it’s just anxiety and the antidepressants won’t turn me into some killer?  sad

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13 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi ac2667.

    I have been where you are now and what you are thinking is the furthest thing from what you will do. The fact that these tbough scare you so much tells you that its against every mosrsal in your body.

    I also took anti depressants without becoming my thoughts.

    You are going to be okay. X x

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    • Posted

      Thanks.  How did you get out of these thoughts?  It was worse in the morning and then during the day I felt a little better - distraction from work helped.

      I’m just not sure what to do rolleyes. I want to get better but I don’t know if I should go with the Paroxetine.  I’ve heard it’s a really hard antidepressant to get off of too.

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    • Posted

      They are all hard to get off of..stick with the celexa your just going to put yourself thru more drama switching Medications..
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    • Posted

      I know you tell me this every time, but I really don’t think the Citalopram works for me anymore.  I believe it has just “pooped out”.  I’ve waited months and months for the increase to help me, but I’m still stuck here.

      I’m not putting down Citalopram - it worked great for me for 5 years and was happy with it.  I just think it’s causing me to act and think weirdly lately sad

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    • Posted

      It’s ok - not trying to come across mean.  I’ve been on Celexa for 5 years.  Anxiety came back more than 4 months ago.  Been on an increase of 30mg for almost 4 months now.

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    • Posted

      Hmmm..four months on thirty..from twenty...you should be seen some improvements by now..also cocd usually takes higher doses...
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  • Posted

    Hi ac,

    I'm suffering intrusive thoughts right now and it's just about one of the most painful things going, for me it pretty much ruins every day and quality of life.

    But, I've never convinced myself it is anything other than what it is. It's just an illusion, things your brain knows that trips you out playing over and over. Its not an indication of desire or truth.

    My current case is unconventional in several aspects but a few years ago I had intrusive thoughts that were a lot more violent and sexual in nature, also coupled with the constant feeling I was about to lose control. I never did. You never do.

    Homicide man is about as relatable to you or I as the next news item. You're just a normal decent person suffering from a well documented and common manifestation of anxiety disorder.

    Al

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    • Posted

      Thank you.  This was a very reassuring post I’ll probably keep going back over again over when I feel really scared.

      It’s hard to believe it at times - especially when I have this fear that antidepressants will make me go crazy or something.

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