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I joined here in 2016. I received lots of great advice & so much support from people on this forum. I could be 100% honest here. I would come here every few months when I would decide my drinking needs to change & then I would return to my old habits for some time & again decide I needed to change & come back again. Here I am back again.
I would say in the last year maybe year & a half to cut my drinking down from 2, 3 or 4 times a week to once a week. This may sound like I wow you don't have a problem anymore but on this one night I binge at home. For those of you that have read my previous posts I do this in secret. I will drink before my husband gets home from work & then pretend I am only having a drink or two with him. He does know I have secretly drank, he discovered this some time ago & it caused of course problems in our relationship but I had continued to do it every Saturday night without him knowing or he may have suspected but left me to it.
I haven't had a drink now in 11 days so 2 weekends have passed & no booze. I have actually found it the easiest attempt so far. Part of that is due to the fact that we are trying to conceive & it would be better to not be drinking but I have sensed a change in me. I don't want the alcohol to control me anymore. The thoughts still popped into my head over the last 2 weekends to drink but I just knew I wouldn't. I would think about how I would feel afterwards that tomorrow would come & I would be hungover & so disappointed in myself. I have not sworn myself off drink forever but I have sworn myself of ever secretly drinking again!!!!
I am on another forum which is also very helpful. On this forum its about going sober full time. I am not sure if that is what I need to do. I do have a problem with alcohol, the secrecy for me is the biggest problem but I did manage to cut my drinking down & now I am wondering if I cut the secret drinking out can I enjoy a drink socially. On the other forum that is a definite no no. Is it possible though if I break this habit I have had for years as my go to for relaxation & anxiety & go sober at home do I have to not drink forever? Am I kidding myself that I can socially drink. Do I give it a try & see? Or is cold turkey the only way? I have to say I did not miss the drinking at home the weekend just gone. The no guilt & shame & clear head has been brilliant.
Does anyone have any thoughts?
Thank you xx
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