Is depression ruining my relationship or is my relationship causing depression?
Posted , 3 users are following.
My bf and I have dated for 1.5 years now, and I've always had anxiety but now I am experiencing some depression as well. I've had it off an on for the last five years, but it's gotten worse the last few months, with big life changes. I know my bf loves me, and I love him, but sometimes our fights get to be a lot. With my depression, I am very irritable and any little thing can set me off. Something as small as someone giving me a rolled eye, set me off and I start yelling at him. When we argue, I start yelling and taking it to a whole new level...then he starts yelling back. A small thing turns big. He says hurtful things to me, and I'm sure I do to him. Because I have this, it's hard for me to feel comfortable anywhere, with anyone. This is my first real bf, too, so it's harder in that way as well. I want to spend time with him, my family, my friends, but he takes it as a negative thing when I'm not always with him. I understand he wants to spend more time together, and that is a good thing, but sometimes I feel overwhelmed by trying to see too many people and disappointing someone.
When things are good between us, they are amazing. I feel so happy (despite my depression) and thankful. But when we fight, I feel like my world gets dark and makes me feel worse. I know I play a part in the yelling and picking things to death, but I wish sometimes he wouldn't always do it back to me. Last week, we had a fight and he asked for his key back. He said he couldn't do this anymore and said we'd be better off apart. We talked about that for about an hour, and I felt so alone. I had just told him how bad my depression was, and then he leaves me. He promised to see me through it, to be there for me, help me...but then leaves. When I walked to my car, he came out and said he was so sorry, he didn't mean it, he was speaking in anger and he didn't want to break up. I am so confused. I haven't really talked to him in the last week, because I honestly don't know what to say to him. All I've done is cry. I know it's hard being with someone who's depressed, but I'm trying. I see a therapist, my doctor gave me medication to try, I'm taking supplements, exercising more, journaling, etc...if I could snap my fingers and cure myself, I would. It's not like this is fun for me, either. I have a hard time letting people in, trusting, being spontaneous (and he is).
I just don't know what to think. I know our fights are a lot, and seeing as we've been together 1.5 years--will it ever get better? Is it because of my depression? I hate to think that all of our problems are strictly my fault. He called the other night, but all I did was cry. He said how sorry he was, how he knows how badly he messed up, how he self destructs relationships when they get bad. I fear that if I get back together with him, my friends and family will think I'm a fool. Which maybe is my anxiety/depression talking? I need advice so badly. Thanks.
1 like, 2 replies
jeannisha97114 aly16992
Posted
Sweetheart I sorry you are going through all of that do not blame yourself for anything.. I too am having relationship problems as well as far as in me and my husband are having marital problems and I have been experiencing depression and bad anxiety.. 1 depending on how old u are.. if you are an adult then who cares what your family thinks about your love life. If he's not physically abusive or just a complete jerk then who cares every relationship isn't perfect relationships can cause u a lot a lot a lot of stress and depression.. since me and my husband split I swear I can never see the brighter side all I see is dark clouds but I keep telling myself I will over come this.. I do not turn to medication I am learning to try to have self control some people can't handle or cope and turn to meds but I'm not trying to get myself use to medication if it's technically a mental condition following your heart if u see more positive then negative in him then take him back but if the negative override the positive then I don't know. But just let him know you will try to do better with your anxiety. It's something that u guys need to come to an agreement on so that u won't feel depressed or stressed.. instead of yelling try to sit down and talk try try try too keep peace in your home it will make the both of u feel so much better.. hoped this sort of helped 😌
Dr.D aly16992
Posted
hi aly,
i don't think that it matters whether your depression is ruining your relationship or your relationship makes you depressed. fact is you are depressed and your boyfriend obviously accepts it and has committed himself to you they way you are which is a good thing. as from your writing it also seems that you two are reasonable people that know when they haven't meant what they said when they were angry and can say that to the other person once they realised it. this is a very good thing and speaks for your relationship. with time you'll get to know each other better and will probably have less fights for the same reasons as you've learnt from it.
i wouldn't bother what other people think of your actions but do whatever you feel is right. you can change your mind at any time if you think you've made a mistake. this is how we are. we make decisions based on what information we have and when we have new information then a choice we once made might have become obsolete or needs to be revised. what seems more important is that the choices we make are not influenced by what other people may think or say to us about our choices. they're not in our shoes and judging is the easiest thing in the world for someone that is not us.
i think:
- you and your boyfriend have potential
- you two also have potential in cultivating how you treat each other when strong emotions come into place
- you should do what you want, unbiased from what other people may think or say
i know you're strong and that you will find the right decision.
regards,
d