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I am an 18 year old student, currently in my first year of study. I am very new to this anxiety business, only discovering what it felt like just 2 weeks ago when I had my first ever panic attack. I have only ever had this one, but since it has happened i have done nothing but worry that it will happen again or something far worse. I havent left my house now in 4 weeks because of my fears, causing me to put on a lot of weight - which then goes on to make me feel even worse that my health is rapidly deteriorating.
At first it was a heart attack. That was my primary fear above all else. Now that fear has subsided, I no longer feel chest pains or have difficulty breathing. Now its a stroke. Every day i sit infront of a mirror to see if my face is beginning to drop, and feel that both of my cheek muscles are level and equally firm. A tingling sensation occurs only in one half of my face, which also burns much hotter than the other half. Is it a stroke? Or a mini stroke?
My mum thinks im being stupid, she acts like its all in my head. But how can something that is not real be so painful? How can i be dizzy for no reason? I am generally a rational person, so i find it hard to believe that this is all in my head, but it is what i have been told from numberous sources. Its becoming hard to keep grasp of reality, having to constantly deny what I believe to be the only thing that is real. I have forgotten what it is like to be me.
I have gone to the doctor, they have given me Propranolol, 80mg. It really doesnt help. Also they hhave started me on a PMT course, but whenever i listen to the tracks my symptoms get worse. Im starting to get very fed up of it all, losing my friends, my girlfriend - i mean no one wants to appear weak in front of their partner. Dropping far too behind in uni..
I have contemplated suicide.. once or twice. Id rather if I was going to have a stroke or a heart attack it would just get on with it, and let me go back to the way i was.
Please, if you find the time to read this - for which i am grateful - let me know this isnt real, that it is just in my head.
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