Is it anxiety or is it really god giving me signs I'll die ??? Pls help age 35
Posted , 9 users are following.
I'm a new member here , after so many trials and tribulations in the last 5 yrs of my marriage life we both have come through it. Now we are much happier and trying to leave the past and think of present and future .
My past is that my husband had an affair and I went mental. I stared for the first time my life to have panic attacks felt as though I was slowly dying with a fast heart beat. Since then that was 2010, I always have these types of attacks and anxiety (I think that's what it is and that what you call it ) every time my husband still walks out the door or I hear him talk to someone I feel he may be having another fling, also my mind talks to me constantly saying such things as " he's upto it again' dnt trust him, I can't cope, I've got five kids with him I cope with the kids demand , I'm gonna die worrying etc etc etc... in 2012 I had a dream I died in my bed and my kids were around my bed and they were crying , if felt really real, then of course I woke up crying my eyes out etc etc etc. So what I did was I true ex the bed around as to what it wasn't from my dream , thinking that I'd die if the bed was in the same position as I saw in the dream.
One day my daughter had a dream few years ago and said she saw mummy ( me) dead and they were beside my grave crying etc etc
In feb 2014 maybe second wk of feb, I was talking to my daughter and I could see a invisible presence and/ or feeling you could say that something was wanting to come near me I got scared and went in a room where my nephew was , he 26 yrs old where my other kids were playing I felt the n ex to be around an adult if need be. I felt I should start to recite my last prays I actually might be dying , the devils actually come to take me , I literally felt I should lay down on the bed and my god was my hart heart beating so fast as though it was gonna jump out and I went all pale I tensed up and kept on praying slightly until the rush of this feeling slowly went down . It lasted for a good few hours I was scared shit ( sorry for language) I then could eat my evening meal I was shaking trembling and had an early night , I hugged my youngest daughter in bed and slept
The same happen again in March 2014 a few wks ago as though I could feel a presence which was after me and only I could see it and no one else . My Daugherty kept on saying " mummy what's wrong why a re you looking like that" I said shush very lightly and I felt my heart race again really badly I couldn't control it and then it went away after a few for hours
On both occasions I've noticed it takes a very long time for my heart to settle and I start getting these voices in my head I'm gonna die, it's here to take me, oh my god what do I do , then it status in my head for so many days after and doesn't fade away I don't forget it . Everytime I work cook clean sleep dive watch tele my head says it's gonna happen your gonna die sooner ing your kids behind not seeing them grow up college uni thier marriage grand kids etc etc I then so. And my heart races agai. And I the. Literally cannot lift myself up again and get up and go to the toilet cook nothing at all ....
On the 1st of April 2014 my husband dropped of the kids at home and he went to the bank to put some money in , he didn't tell me and drove off , I then wandered where the hell is he , on purpose I didn't ring him he's not a child and I cannot keep tabs on him like this so I rang his mobile after 45 mins of him dropping off kids. He said he put money in the bank , but whilst I was talking to him his background sound so peacefull as though he was in the car . Instantly my brain thought he's not in the bank he's talking to someone on the phone I. The car and doesn't want me to hear it he's doing it discreetly etc etc etc
Straightaway my mood changed and I went on a spiral down I started to think of all the negatives in t eh world, then I started to feel there you go again I'm gonna die ..... All night I could sleep my heart was pounding I couldn't feed my kids evening meal , I kept on seeing things around me I then could sleep at all throughout the night I kept on getting flashed that if a close my eyes I'll die and had this great constant dread in my stomach and voice saying don't sleep you won't wake up again I told all these to my husband and he reassured me he wasn't talking to no one and I'm worrying for no reason what can he do to make me believe him and I should sleep and not worry . I wS begging him to pray for me so I dnt die my kids are little etc and I asked him for forgiveness as it may be the last I ask of it , th then after 5am I fell asleep and quickly woke up in an hour to see if I was still alive and I felt so relieved that my eyes opend and I was still breathing I thank god so much I didn't die etc etc
Since then I've been googling my thoughts and came across this site and a lot of what ppl were saying matches how I feel and actually it my thoughts and fears may not be real death I feel but an illness if have. Then again I went through google and I came across another site called 'god giving signs before death and how a humans sub concious mind feels the time is near etc etc etc and I could also relate to a lot of things there that I was feeling such as seeing things , feeling hot even though the room is cold throwing off the duvet dreams before hand and how Abraham Lincoln dreamed his death before he died and so many other people etc etc also how the stages are of death where each limb by l. Limb is taken first the feet then the cc then the hop the. The chest then the arms then the last breath oh god it make me feel sick to my stomach to say it ....on the 2nd of April (I think) I had a little pull of the left foot muscle and I quickly woke up thinking oh god is this the first sign of the devil coming to take my foot first ,,,,, then I could sleep all night ...
Just now I was layng down in bed on my back I got a muscle pull on my left calf , I jumped and went on my side thinking on god it's now my calf and it was the left calf ( am I going in sane)
So I'm even more confused I haven't been able to snooze this morning and I came staring on this sight to talk to someone to (pls help)) 
((
I have made am appoint ment with the do tors buts it's next week I feel I'm going to go insane by that time and I feel so weak I can. Barely talk cook get up . The more I google the more truth I feel it may be . ( am I right ??? ) what is wrong with me , ????? Why is my life going in a spiral ???? And why is it me who's affected and not my his and he was the one to have an affair not me ??? It should happen to him , we do have tiffs now and then but I know he made a genuine mistake and lust drove him a but it still doesn't change the fact now my heads messed up . And now I'm suffering ....
Apart from all this I'm a very bubbly , loud confident person who also talks a lot (as you can see) plus I am very emotional and weak towards my loved ones and think of things and every thing meticulously very deeply and anyone could ever imagine and I can't stop worrying and talking and think the worse , my husband says I drive him up the wall talking worrying thinking negative eft etc etc
Pls anyone out there help me pls pls pls pls pls pls
1 like, 12 replies
mandi32309
Posted
Am a 35 year old woman too and I've been scared of dying from an illness. I have health anxiety. I am going to start off by saying this; NO DEVIL IS COMING TO GET YOU AND IF YOU TRUST IN THE LORD THEN YIU HAVE TO BELIEVE THAT HE IS PROTECTING YOU. The devil is the anxiety that has taken over you and you need to fight it. You are going through what millions of us suffer from each day. DO NOT let this mental illness control you
I understand how hard it is because I have family, friends and therapist telling me the same thing. They tell me I need to stop worrying and get my mind off negative things. It works for a little while.
I was 14 when I first got anxiety and I was in grade 9. I had this awful feeling come over me for the first time as if I was going to die. It was my very first episode of anxiety and panic attack. I left school my body was trembling and shaking I felt sick,the world was spinning for sure believed I was going to die.
I prayed and prayed to God to keep me safe I didn't understand what was happening I had fears of dying for so long and then I got to help I needed and I found out that I was not alone.
Seeing for myself all the people who went through what I go through made me feel better because I wasn't the only one feeling like this.
You are dealing with anxiety, you are having panic attacks and you need to talk to someone about this asap. I have nightmares all the time and of ppl in my family dying several times but it never happened. Our dreams are just all of our thoughts and fears/ worries mixed up with everyday happenings and then it creates this story in our minds. Don't let your dreams and thoughts control you.
If you haven't heard of cbt then go look into it. You will be happy you did. They will help you understand your thinking, your feelings and worries/fears.
Trust me, you are not going crazy but if you let this mental illness take over then it will drive you crazy because we can only take so much.
You have kids, you be strong for them. I have 3 kids and although some days my fears and anxiety tries to hold me down to the point I don't wanna get up but I just say my prayers, fight it and I do what I gotta do for my family.
You are young and got your whole life ahead of you. Go talk to someone who can explain to you that everything you are going through is normal for someone with anxiety or a mental disorder. There is hope and as long as you do your part then you will get the help you need to out you on a healthy happy path in life.
21 yrs ago I thought I was going to die many times throughout my life. Thank God I am still here. Imagine all those yrs I have wasted worrying over nothing. Absolutely nothing. I still worry a lot today and still have those fears of dying but I try my best to fight it. You have to do that too.
Tell someone everything you write here today so they can help you deal with it. God bless xx
lesley06292
Posted
Hannah999
Posted
Thank you for your quik reply . I'm actually home alone my husbands gone to do his wkly Friday prays and I'm scared stiff . I've got my my front door keys in my lap my iphn is on charge in th hallway and I'm sitting on the staircase just incase I feel scared I can run out the front door . Now that is what you called scared I'd say , I dnt like staying in a room by myself , whereas in the past I lived only with my kids while we were going thru all this crisis plus I slept alone in my bedroom I was t as this scared . And now look at me a scared girl who can't bear to stay in her own house .
Mandi I dnt know why this is happening to me , I go to the gym regularly ( well not since all this erupted) I eat Healthy food , I'm very energetic , very loud I have no financial problems y kids are healthy too they dnt nag me they're very I independent I'm not over weight . The only problem is my past scares th day lights out of me as I dnt wish it on my enemy. Love marriage kids stability honour all got whipped from under my feet when my husband had the affair. It totally disabled me completely and since then my brain works overtime constantly and I can't stop it . My mood goes from happy happy to anger frustration or sobbing within seconds neither can I keep up with my feeling actions brain etc
I have heard of CBT , phobia, insomnia , etc etc probably tho take another donkey's year to get to evn see someone the NHS is appalling but I hope it's not .
I constantly feel am do there's someone walking behind me , everytime I turn and it screw the hell out of me sometimes I try to behard but I can't I still jump I very time I walk or turn my head . Mandi are my symptoms average bad or really bad . I know your not a doctor I won't hold you to it. But u have been thru it for a whitle and what I've been saying so far is exactly to the word and no different of how I feel and what I've been through .
I can't sleep at night usually I'm a 8hour sleeper but recently I jump on minutes of falling asleep then browse Internet or if get inclination etc I get scared and start googling . (I feel sorry for myself ) isn't it a waste of life
(( I'm being so blunt but it's how I feel .
Pls keep me in your prays
mandi32309
Posted
Life happens and things are not always good in life sadly but we have to be strong. I should tell myself this but I feel like I am better at helping others and giving others advice rather than myself.
You are a grown woman in your own home and you should not be sitting on the stairs ready to run out the door. You should go clean, have a hot bath, play some nice music, anything to get your mind off of this.
I know thats way easier said than done because I get that told to me too and I feel it wont work but I try it anyways and it helps a little. No one is going to "get you" not the devil for sure because God is watching over you. God's love for us is stronger than the Devils hate if that makes sense.
I know what its like to be scared like you are now. I use to think someone was behind me, I would feel this weird presence or spooky feeling but thats just our imaginations. Sometimes our eyes play tricks on us too and if we have a wild imagination along with anxiety, you can be sure your gonna THINK you see things when really its nothing.
I have problems sleeping through the night most nights but this last week I have been sleeping a solid 7 hrs which is good but makes me worry why I am sleeping so sound all of a sudden? I could look at it negatively and think I am sick or something is wrong with me OR I can look at it positively and say finally my body is resting and I am getting the good nights sleep I have wanted for so long.
Its all about how we choose to look at things. I remember as a teenager I was always spooked about something following me, something standing behind me etc...All that probably come from too many scary movies and as we get older we see more things happening in the world that are very real and very scary.
I get angry, irritated and short tempered too when I am feeling anxious. I mean we are so scared inside, its the only way we know how to act and deal with it. I sometimes cant eat, sleep or focus on anything other than my fears of being sick or dying etc...
Even today I feel a little worried about stuff but I shouldnt be. I have an ultrasound coming up and I am scared that it will be something serious. even though my symptoms have all gone away and the ER doctor said everything felt fine and she is 97% sure my ultrasound will be good. I dont believe her.
I think she is lying to me so to keep me from panicking even more. I'm not sure if a doctor can lie to their patience but that is what ANXIETY does to you.
So please try and get a hold of yourself, do one little positive thing today that will make you feel just a little bit better. Write down something you fear and ask yourself if its realistic or rational?
Look at all the good things in your life and one by one subtract the negative things. I will say a prayer for you for sure. I PROMISE as long as YOU do your part even a little each day, things will get better!!!!
natalie93427
Posted
I can relate to you because I've been going through the same thing. I developed a health anxiety due to the past 7 months having extremely scary symptoms and worrying myself sick that I would die. The doctors never found anything and I had many many tests done.
You must be careful Anna because the mind is extremely powerful, more powerful than you know. Your body can give you any symptom that you want. You may not want this consciously, but your subconscious mind is doing it to you. If I told you that you could be better tomorrow you wouldn't believe me, but to be 100% honest, it is your mind doing this to you. There are no outside forces suggesting that you are going to die. It is only your brain doing this. You are capable technically of killing yourself. So stop believing that you will die, because sometimes what you believe can become true. I mean, this is in the rarest cases, but it has happened
before.
You are giving off negative energy to the people around you. You are constantly believing that you are going to die so you will give off some of this type of vibe to people. For example, your daughter had a dream that you died, this is probably because she sees you around the house looking so depressed that you may LOOK near death, but not an illness, moreso a "giving up on life" way.
My # 1 piece of advice for you is to believe that you are going to live a long life. You need to think of your future and set some goals. FOCUS on those goals. Believe that you are happy. Maybe plan a trip so you can look forward to that.
I think what happened is you had a sort of nervous breakdown when you caught your husband cheating. This happened to me but from a different situation. It resulted in panic attacks. Your body is in a depressed state after Panic Attacks because a Panic Attack is a "Fight or Flight" response to your body believing that you are about to die AKA your life is in danger. You may not know this CONSCIOUSLY, but your SUBCONSCIOUS mind feels in danger. That is what a panic attack is. So think of it….your BODY thinks your life is in danger. It cannot just snap back to being happy the next moment. It takes time. So first you need you focus on positive thoughts…and your body will snap back to your happy and healthy self.
Is your husband negative in your life? This ongoing worry of him cheating on you again is negative in your life. …Just something to think about.
You need to let yourself free-fall. Just LET GO. Let go of all of your worries. Trust doctors and science. A happy mind is a happy body. So free yourself of your worries.
Good luck. I know you can do it. ]
Hannah999
Posted
I can't believe how right you are, that is exactly how I feel . I'm speechless ...
Hannah999
Posted
May I ask you a question?
How can my kids and my husband help me when I have these attacks/ anxiety or these visions and I feel scared ?
So I can make them aware and when it does happen they know how to handle my and how to get my mind to say it's not true .
Because when I do see things I really really go all pale , scared stiff .
Umm thinking of that I feel an adult will be more capable of handling me at those times .
To tell you the truth I've been counting a days on the calendar when I was last scared to the most recent one and counting how apart these incidents happen and thinking when maybe the next one ( really hope not
(
Please help me Natalie
natalie93427
Posted
How does your husband go about handling this now? Is he sympathetic or is he mean? My boyfriend has been amazing for me, he's been my rock and he is very comforting when I have a panic attack. He will put me in bed until I feel stable. He also tells me that I am ok. I trust him…so it's a trust relationship. My boyfriend went through similar issues when he was with his Ex. and she was mad at him when he went through his attacks and told him to get himself together and that, makes the situation worse.
You need to remember and also make your family aware that this is not your fault. You do not have a mental illness either. Also make sure your kids know that you are not sick and not dying, so not to worry about that happening. You WILL get better. It takes love, hope and positive attitude to get through it. Tell your family to stay strong for you. Make sure your husband tries not to show weakness. You NEED stability. Do you know what I mean? I think when you get these attacks you are looking for someone to be stable for you to let you know that you are OK and to bring you back down to reality. If I didn't have my boyfriend around I don't know where I'd be. I needed him to bring me back to reality.
When you have one of these attacks you need someone around you who you trust and love to tell you that its ok. Maybe have them hold your hand to relax you. Lay in bed, drink some water. I would get pale too. But it is just your nervous system and that fight or flight response again. When you panic your blood rushes to your heart and so you aren't' getting enough blood flow to your head..hence making you pale. Nothing to worry about ! just a nervous reaction.
I am glad if I could help at all. Also just on a side note have you ever considered seeing a therapist or a behavioral therapist ? They may be able to help you because they can teach you techniques that will help you when you have an attack. My doctors wanted me to see one and it ended up not being the right solution for me. But it could be worth a try. Also, if you see the right doctor they can prescribe you a certain medication that will help you with these episodes too. You may only need to take it for a few months to get through all this. I wanted meds to be my last option, and I'm still considering it to get myself through all of this if things still won't get better. Another option you could consider.
I hope I could help….ask me anything ! I'm really rooting for you
Hannah999
Posted
My husband is really supportive and sympathetic . I can see that he feels guilty for all this, he says if it wasn't for him slipping from our relationship then I wouldn't be going through this now. He thought he could get better and and after he did have the affair he could compare and see how and who I am and what is really out there and how women are only out to get his money . Pathetic reason if you ask me , just coz he had to compare he Rome all ties and did whatever suited him at the time. I have to say we were going through a very financial difficult time but , I never once doubted him. Before we married he came clean and told me how he had few girlfriends and he's seen it all and he's not interested in any girlfriend /boyfriend relationship he's ready to settle down etc. I trusted him blindly , after we married I looked after my father in law for 8years taking him to the doctors washing his clothes changing his bed sheets , then eventually caring for him when he was diagnosed with dementia /Alzheimer's for 5/6 yrs . He spiralled down quite fast from not remembering he's already eaten and ending up overrating , then he'd vomit it out , then he'd forgot to brush his teeth daily then I had to do that aswell plus cutting his nails and the last and worst of all was he would walk around the house and urinate and let go of his bowels without my father in law even realising . The doctor did say to be prepared for it As that will happen as the brain doesn't receive the message as soon as he has the urge to use the toilets apparently it takes too long and by then accidents happen . Then I'd have to manipulate him to go upstairs and have a bath, I'd be the one giving my father in law a bath changing his clothing etc and he'd bed wet every night I'd have to put adult nappies on him and change his bed sheets . I did have a sister in law who lived down the road from us at the time but she hated me, and never offered help towards her father , she hated me coz she didn't want her brother to marry me , (probably coz I'm better looking than her and taller ) lol
I was only 22/23 yrs old then I married my husband at 19 yrs y then I had 3 kids over three hrs plus looking after my father in law 24/7 . Now your asking where was my husband , he was working 24/7 we had opend a restaurant in 1999 he had to stay there and try to get it up and running so he didn't come home every night actually he use to come home once a wk or once a fortnight . He was in cuckoo land at the time and had so much ambition and drive to make money and make sure he bought in the bread and all bills paid . To me it does sound his ego got in. The way of he could manage his family etc
I struggled so much with my father inlaw , it tools it toll at the time I was young and energetic I got through it. And that's all it was 'I got through it ' it wasn't a pleasant time of my life . Then a few years later my father in law in 2005 was bedridden and stomach fed and passed away .
My sister inlaw caused a lot of argument between me and my husband and at the time my husband did lash out on me
he never use to think he had a very short fuse at the time . ( I know your saying how come I'm still with him and I have 5 kids with him, I must be mad) the truth is Natalie he's my first love , I lost my virginity to him, and I trusted him blindly and I could see he means well and knows where his heart is , but when he was younger he didn't know how to control his anger and show his love and suppress gossip that enters his ears.
2006 we bought our dream home and moved in , it was massive it was very up market be bought at the most peak time of house sales in the uk . But we managed I feel now when I look back his ego quadrupled with the size of the house . I feel he thought he was invincible and thought he could have anything he wanted and lust took over him .
It was on from the year we moved into our big house from 2006-2010 . But I didn't have any idea at all , when ever he would come home late or needed to go out , out of the blue bed make the most lame excuses but silly me believed him and couldn't see otherwise I never in. Million years did the thought even cross my mind . He'd do something like that to me , by then we had all our babies and my hands were full .
Anyway now I can see he is a totally changed man and he says with his own words if he didn't make the first move I wouldn't be in This state' .... He misses the bubbly loud joking person he first met . Since I told him he's seen me really down and is genuinely worried and he tags me along everywhere he goes so I don't be alone at home or in a room on my own . I have to say his much more of a strong minded person and totally not a worrier like me , were very opposite from each other in a lot of ways . I would say he is my rock but the only thing is he works evenings 5pm-12am and that's wen alone without an adult in the house only me n my kids. I really don't think about if he does have another affair ( umm actually that thought alone Does scare me , it scares me in a way that I don't want to go through what I went through again ) nor do I want my kids to experience this again , I KNOW for some reason that he won't but it's my negative thought that keeps going on in my head say 'what if he does' .
He really wants me to get better and be a happy mother I've always been , but I feel he doesn't know how he's told me he'll take to to doctors and see a therapist .
I showed him on the Internet and Hess read the sites I showed him and he 100% feels this is exactly what I'm going to need and what I'm doing . We read on CBT phobia insomnia etc etc . He's told me not to go on the Internet as it'll keep staying on my mind , now that we know what we need to do . But I told him this is how I gather info so when I go to the doctors they won't fob me off and I'll know exactly what's happening to me and how I need to get help ASAP .
I don't even know how I'm gonna tell my kids to help me , also you know how your saying I may need someone to hold my hand when I get scared etc , I feel that's a bit too mild for me I feel I need to be told that 'it's ok nothing's there and move me from the room or where I am and constantly say it till it gets through to me ' I need reasurrance and consistent and persistent words to drill in my head .
I've made a doctors appointment for next Friday ,
that's the earliest time I think I'll go in to the doctored and wait as an emergency ti she sees me .
Please pray for me and keep me updated to any advice etc that will help me in any way. ( I know I've written loads but I thought if u feel what I've been though you can see better than me what the causes are and where my life went wrong , sorry for the crammed I feel I have loads to write and loads to say )
You take care too xx
patrick42369 Hannah999
Posted
Hello Hannah,
First off I would like to start with a prayer.
Jesus, Lord of all creation, I ask you right now with authority that you have granted me and all who humbly trust in your name that you fill this web page with your Holy Spirit. I pray that your daughter, Hannah come to know about how much you love her and that it is more than anyone on this planet ever would or even possibly could love someone. I pray that if she does know you by name Jesus that she seeks you first above medication, people of this world or anything else. I pray that whenever she feels these kinds of struggles and suffering that she calls out to you Jesus by name, and that when she does, that she would feel your overwhelming peace of your Holy Spirit and instantly be comforted. I pray in your name Jesus against any anxiety or stress that enemy tries to throw at Hannah and anyone else that reads this page. I pray freedom for all that read this prayer and decide to let you combat the enemy for them. Thank you Jesus for already defeating the devil when you died for our sins on the cross and that you Lord grant us all authority and power to conquer the enemy and any task as long as we ask for forgiveness forour sins that you died for and know and love you as God of all. Amen
I feel as though God led me here because I certainly felt that after reading this and empathizing with siffering you have dealt with that I needed to speak up and speak freedom over this page and let you know where it comes from. Jesus!
My mothers side of my family has a long history of mental illnesess as the world classifies them. My grandmother is a paraoid scizophrenic and my mother had bipoler disorder, anxiety and OCD. She was prescribed handfulls of medication and along with other drugs and alchohol it severeley worsened. She died in a car accident when I was 15 due to her own intoxication. I developed anger issues and anxiety after that. I started dating the love of my life shortly there after and she cheated on me multiple times breaking my heart even more and causing even more damage to my mental state. I heard many voices telling me horrible things and saw things that couldnt possibly be there. At the age of 17 I had my first major breakdown due to increased panic attacks. I was sent to a psych ward for two weeks to be evaluated and I spent my 18th birthday in there. I was then diagnosed with bipoler disorder and told I would have to use medication for the rest of my life. The medicine covered up what was truly there but didnt get rid of it. Worse it actually made me numb to all feelings and took away the personality that God gave me. I stopped taking the meds voluntarily and quit therapy and had another rough couple of years but with all of the bad I was still me. My girlfriend and I went through a lot more until finally together we both found Jesus. We both found forgiveness and what it meant and how damaging unforgiveness was.Then God revealed to me spiritual warfare and how the world confuses the truth. Anxiety, worry, depression, rage, bipolar disorder, scizophrenia and most of mental illness to me and what I believe God has revieled to me is that these are all different types of demons that the devil has sent our way and all we need to do is recognize that that is all they are and nothing more. They are not something that can be covered up by meds or other means. Even if all of this isnt convincing you know that "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Phillipians 4:13. So even if you dont believe that demons are attacking you and that it is just chemical inbalance in your brain but you still believe in God, know and remember he made the universe and your brain and that if you put your trust in him he can remove those things as well. This does take faith however but Jesus said if we have the faith of a mustard seed which is very small we can move a mountain. Right now your mountain that you cant see past is anxiety, worry and panic attacks. Ask and you will recieve.
It has been about five years since my girlfriend and I truly stated seeking the Lord and since we both put our trust fully in God and know that we are on the same page with God we havent had any adulterous problems and we just got married 8 months ago. The Lord has truly blessed us. Problems do still arise but not major pnes and even if they did I am fully capable of handling them myself now. I still may hear some voices or see something that isnt there on occasion but I now know how to rebuke them in Jesus name and tell them to go. I also know that God is good and that he doesnt sendvfear into anyones life as you are describing. God does however allow certain things to happen even though he does not create them because he knows that you can handle it and that you will be stronger for it afterwards. And sometimes it feels as though God there is no way I can handle this, well that just means that God thinks so highly of you that he thinks you are that strong to be able to overcome this and then help someone later on by relating with them look what God has done for me. I know you can do this Hannah because Jesus knows you can. and dont go to church thinking that a building will change your life or the bible will change your life while reading it. Do both of those things truly seeking Jesus and the people at church will then be able to help you and the word of the bible will truly be able to speak to you. God wants to use your story to help many people. Dont give up!
God bless you and everyone that reads this
jadoresushi Hannah999
Posted
Definitely anxiety/ worry. I have what you had! And it is definitely not easy!
Do you have a home group or church to go to?
For the spirit that visit you, you need to rebuke them and kick them out in the Lord's name.
For the voice inside your head, the way I make it gone is that I go to my mirror and said I will not die ! I am not crazy! All those attacks: voice on the head, anxiety, that does not come from God.
All things from God are pure and lovely! And have peace!
Your dreams about you dying is not of God!
Please get to a good church and get help from a good christian friend. Cast your cares upon the lord NOT carry it yourself.
Sillymop Hannah999
Posted
Hello Hannah
I think you are incredibly brave for posting your message. When I read it I just wanted to give you a hug, so I am sending a big, virtual one 
I wonder if some of your belief that 'the devil' has come to take you away, or that you fear your own death has anything to do with you somehow taking on what your husband did..and then punishing yourself?
It's almost as if you feel you need to be punished for his 'sin'.
Then I began to wonder if this stems from you somehow blaming yourself for his affair.
Of course I do not know this for sure and I in no way want to put words in your mouth.
Hannah..I think your husbands affair has left you feeling vulnerable. It has literally swept the rug from under your feet and everything that you once thought of as solid foundations..you now question. This is perfectly normal but I would say it is the reason for your panick attack. The doubt, uncertainty and feeling lost and alone... Huge emotions. Huge feelings. You need help to tackle them.
God is not punishing you, nor is his showing you images of your death.
You are extremely vulnerable and frightened and have begun to fear your mortality. I think this too is all wrapped up with your husbands affair. Perhaps you felt you lost a piece of yourself when you found out. Perhaps in a sense you are mourning your relationship.
I think therapy will benefit you and if your husband is willing, perhaps you could also try couples therapy.
We all make mistakes..some are bigger than others. You will have to decide whether you and your husband can come back from this and rebuild your relationship and your trust.
You have done nothing wrong. You are punishable for nothing.