Is it just puberty, a small crisis or something serious?

Hello everyone.

This is going to be a long text so thanks for those who are reading it till the end.

I'm 16 and for about half a year i've been going trough some stuff.

Beginning of this year i've had some really bad days where i cried myself to sleep.

I actually only know that much because i tend to forget what i felt like some time ago if i don't write it down.

February has been pretty neutral.

But then things got worse.

I started to have very weird experiences and less break-downs in a sad way but i felt really empty or like i'm not myself anymore.

I keep a journal where i write down what i feel and experience i will just drop some stuff i wrote in there in the last months.

Once i had a 'break down' where i wrote that i want to be a better me. Like i felt like I'm not good enough. Well i still feel like that. And i asked myself questions like : ''How can you start being happy with what you have?'' and wrote that i always want to be a better me. Another me.

That was in Feb/March.

In April it got worse.

I started to feel like I'm going crazy.Like I'm empty and just not me and i had a phase where i felt like I'm seeing things and people in other things.

I wrote:

''I keep seeing people in everything. It scares me. I know it means nothing and that it is just an illusion but it really scares me. Lately I've been feeling very weird and different than normal. I feel like I'm actually going crazy and I really want to see a psychologist. If i would talk to someone I know they would probably judge me or comment on it. I just want someone who's unbiased and who can just listen without judging what i have to say.[...] Like i don't even know what's wrong. I have everything i could ask for. But sometimes I still feel empty. But not alone. Just empty. Like I'm not feeling anything at all.''

Different day. Same week.

''Sometimes I'm feeling stressed,happy or normal. But on other days I'm feeling nothing. Not for days but moments. Long moments. I've been acting odd. Even though i can still control what I say and do but it's still like it's not me.''

Yesterday:

''It comes and goes. That strange feeling of sudden stress, aggression and all those bad thoughts that seem to eat me up. But luckily my mind is calm and peaceful right now. But that doesn't mean it won't come back. Those thoughts and feelings and just that really weird kind of personality of mine. Sometimes i feel like i'm overreacting because there are obviously people with worse problems but i still want to tell someone about my feelings and thoughts.''

And right before i decided to post this here i had another 'Break down'

'' Who am I? I don't feel like myself anymore. When i talk or the things I do feel so unnatural and strange. Slowly more and more stuff and people start to feel unfamiliar.''

I also have those times where I just act weird and without thinking and afterwards i feel like someone else made that choice for me and i feel like an a**hole and like I don't deserve anything or anyone.

I don't even know why i posted that here but maybe you're bored and want to read a teenagers thoughts about probably the most stupid things that are actually pretty normal.

But if you feel like that as well please tell me and share your thoughts in the comments i would feel better if i knew that I'm not just a stupid kid.

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