Is it menopause destroying my relationship?

Hi Darryn have you actually tried talking to her when she’s *not* feeling angry and wretched? Something along the lines of “You seem unhappy sometimes,  what can I do to help?” If you can open a dialogue with her try to avoid telling her what’s she is doing, and talk about yourself ie “I felt hurt/upset when XXX happened.” You sound articulate from your post so maybe that’s an option? Also, have you thought about counselling? - for both of you if possible because it could help you both learn how to communicate better (people are often better behaved when there is a third person in the room); or maybe just for you, as you would then get some support and clarity about how to get through this period.  I hope things get better for you and you wife. 

It could be menopause, it's a possibility. Has your wife ever acknowledged that her behaviour is unreasonable? Is she ever apologetic? Are there times of 'normal' behaviour? Has she expressed concerns over your walking out, would it bother her if you left? 

You say your wife has put up with you over the years, there comes a time in a womans life where she decides she doesn't want or need to 'put up with' things. 

If you feel a discussion together would lead to arguments I would write her a letter explaining all you have written here and see what her response is. Then you can decide together if you have a future as a couple and how to make it work.

Hi Darryn 

     Firstly there’s a dame good chance she is heading through perimenopause, .... but with what you have said as much as I don’t agree with her behaviour towards you is only your say on this matter ... maybe she needs more help with her hormones and leaving her will not help matters , I know I would rather be alone to go through it than put up with the arguments, she may just call your bluff and get on with her life because this peri makes you do anything out of character ... maybe sit down and talk with her without arguing ask her how’s shes feeling in this marriage try and compromise with each other ,it’s all about listening to what each other’s say without it ending up worse than when it started ... wish you luck 

You sound a little whiney and annoying quite frankly. And I agree with Maise who said maybe she’s fed up with having to ‘put up with you’ all these years. Yes she’s most definitely perimeno so why don’t you just back off and give her some space and just be extra nice to her. It’s not all about you all the time. 

And maybe men need to be on a men’s forum not a women’s. That seriously annoys me too. You are asking advice from a group of seriously peri and menopausal women. What do you think and expect us to say?

If you have seriously contemplated suicide you need to go see a therapist. If you want to work this out, this is not something that is going to be easy, and you need to work on yourself to be able to deal with this. Never mind her right now. Please get some help for yourself. If you carry on like this it will destroy you. She also needs to see a therapist if you describe her as co-dependent, but that is something that she needs to discover and work out herself. Seriously, the therapist will help you work out ways to help fix your mind which in turn will help fix her. It won't be easy, but it will be worth it!

Grow some balls listen , help understand what peri is about and stop being so self centred , she needs help and your not exactly giving it to her by walking out ... if I was her I’d say goodbye and let you go 

I mean, really? You are threatening suicide because your wife if finally speaking her mind? Because she wants a tree planted here and not there, and thinks a letter can be better by her suggestions? If you read The Wisdom of Menopause it will shed some light on how women start coming in to their own during meno. Odds are she's on this forum with us trying to figure out how to deal with what she's going through, and having a partner who is clueless is the hardest part of all. I agree with Sabrina, maybe you need to work on your relationship instead of blaming everything on meno. Men also go through a men-o-pause, maybe YOU need some hormones! And why you're at it, teach your son how to treat a woman you confess to love so much. Leaving when the going gets rough isn't a good lesson for him!!!

Not sure if my last post will be seen because I mentioned a certain book about meno for you to read. But it's important I say this again in case it's not posted.

You are threatening suicide because your wife wants a tree planted here and not there, suggests a better way to write a letter, and is finally speaking up and having a voice? Really? I agree with Sabrina, this probably isn't a meno issue, although meno is finally giving her some cajones. 

And also, I really think you ought to teach your son that leaving the woman you confess to love so much when the going gets rough, is not a very good life lesson!!

So yes, read up on your own how women change during meno. Be a supportive partner. Don't be so sensitive about everything, Be patient. I know it's not fun for my husband and I've even said to him I wouldn't blame him if he wanted to leave, and he said to me "would you do the same if the tables were turned?". And I wouldn't, I'd stick with him through anything. This is what we sign up for when we say I do. Better/worse, sickness/health. So stop aggravating the situation and always "live in love". Be a better man, I know you can do it!!!