is it necessary to discolse?

I would definitely. If he found out about it on his own it would probably kill the relationship had you not told him. I dated a guy two years who had cold sores and he didn't tell me until he felt an outbreak coming 6 months in the relationship and told me not to kiss him. I freaked out only because I was naive a bit but mainly because I never got those and knew how contagious it was. Eventually I got over it and we stayed together. I mean we were living together. But it was just a shock that he waited to tell me. I was already in love with him but he was very hurt by my reaction he still thought about it up until we broke up. I didn't mean to make him feel so bad but I was scared to get it. (And by the way he never passed it onto me because he honest and careful when he had symptoms) I didn't have symptoms of anything until last month but I was tested for herpes back in Feb and I was fine. We broke up 4 years ago because we grew apart. I think with genital herpes is more important to disclose because you shed more. So just keep that in mind and honestly would you be ok getting something from a guy that didn't disclose to you? At least if he's aware there's less of a risk you will pass it on. Just food for thought. I think honesty is always the best policy.

Have you had sex yet? If so, do you avoid outbreaks and use condoms as well? Even so, if this is a serious relationship, you need to disclose. Only fair, plus relationships are about honesty and trust.

For casual sex, provided ALL precautions are taken to minimise transmission, it is less black and white, and there are some who say disclosure isn't necessary, including some doctors and counsellors! But that's casual sex, so different.

This is such an interesting discussion. I am a good rationalizer and can convince myself of anything. I know whats right, but at this point i simply have too much shame to disclose. I have chosen celebacy for now. Sometimes i think to myself that i will just move forward, take antivirals, and never tell a soul. i know i cant do that, but i want to.... I am very interested in everyones opinion here.

I have told one person; my casual friends with benefits partner at the time if diagnosis (pretty sure he wasnt the source). I thought i would die from self loathing and shame. Havent heard from him since he took some time to think several weeks ago.

This is a very interesting discussion. I agree with Whoops that it is easy to rationalize not telling someone in the future. I too have decided to abstain until I can figure out how to handle that situation. This is especially hard when you consider the percentages. If you are on daily antivirals, they should be 97% effective in preventing transmission, plus if you add in the extra protection of a condom, it seems as if the risk is incredibly minimal. It is also more difficult for a female to pass the infection on to a male then a male to female. I am absolutely dreading the day I will have to face this challenge. I would feel so guilty if I happened to infect my partner and not have told them of the risk ahead of time.