Is life only an illusion

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Well I am not alone. I have read all I could find out about so called anxiety and depression. I believe that I have lead a full, complete life according the cultural  standards imposed during my existence. Colleges, military including time at West Point, Vietnam Infantry,

A life long friend since ages 5&6 and married 52 years. 2 Children and 2 Grand Children. Grew up with Shoah survivors in multi cultural Brooklyn NY. What is important to note, a childhood coma, diagnosed retarded or fitting under the Asperger's Spectrum. IQ over 165 yet lacking in the EQ department. 

Always unexplained Synchronicity or Coincidence guiding my life. It seems as though every endeavor from engineer to body mechanic to horse racing, to operating 3 stores of interior decorating. At some points in my existence questioning why? Not for the prestige, nor the money, but probably proving that I was capable of functioning. I made others wealthy a few times, feeling some remorse but I did give opportunity to others.i spent 4 years as a witness in front of a Federal Grand Jury explaining early computer systems, political affiliations, and real life business activities.All brought on because of my ability to earn money. ASSPURGERS front and center. Never smoked or did illegal drugs or alcohol. Food allergies and prescription side affects incapacitating me.

As though my existence depended on past lessons learned and future anxieties. As though keeping the mind busy blocked any of life's pain or hurt. Often to smart for my own good, having to lesson or lower my vocabulary and not speak down to others. Now in my 75 year on earth, questioning the episodes and mystery's occurring over the years. To write a non fiction book, who would read since our culture is aimed at religion or supernatural unexplainable, Which I find dubious. or the stagnation or limited intelligence of most people. I firmly believe in a democratic socialist governing. So here I sit with a broken heart wondering why, or how Never perfection , but why America slipped into a almost monarch state of affairs. If our purpose is preservation of the species, to express oneself, Why is life so hard, or difficult.   

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  • Posted

    I'm 55 and wondering the same thing.  I wasn't blessed to find the love of my life that would stay by me through my depression and anxiety.  Therefore I was also not blessed with a family.  I worked hard though and supported my self.  I went to college and worked in state government until I was forced to leave this past summer.  I complained of discrimination due to my illness and my new boss and HR retaliated against me.  The discriminated against my use of FMLA.  It is fine to use to have a baby but not intermittently for depression.  Anyway I guess I am trying to say people don't seem to care about others anymore just about themselves and no matter how someone works to support their place in this world it's just not good enough.  You are fortunate to have had such a wonderful life and beautiful family.  Don't loose heart there are still good people out there who believe in humanity not just themselves.

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  • Posted

    'If our purpose is preservation of the species, to express oneself, Why is life so hard, or difficult.'

    Who can say? Life has always been like that, in fact it was probably more challenging in the past.

    I hear what you are saying, at 64 I'm asking many of the same questions. Doesn't mean we'll get any answers. Preservation of our species is the drive, but maybe not the 'purpose'. If that were true there wouldn't be much need for men after 40 years of age. Take your extra 35 years to the bank and assign it any purpose you want.

    As for me, I'm not ready to dismiss the Divine so easily. IQ of 155-165 tested at various times, PhD in electrical engineering-suffering from Depression/Anxiety since 12. My Faith is a gift and it's not explainable with our physical laws. I guess that's why they call it Faith.

    Best of luck with dealing with your Anxiety and Depression, it's a constant struggle as we all know.

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  • Posted

    We all have the instincts of survival the same as all animals.  I believe that is the only reason why our species still exists.  In my 60's I no longer believe in illusions but I do believe life is precious.  x

     

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  • Posted

    Hi Clifford, wow, what a life! Just think of all the possibilities you provided for others, the things you fixed, the things you could explain to others. Kids and grand kids. My twin is an undiagnosed person on the Autism spectrum and has a low EQ. I am working on a non-fiction piece myself. It's trite but will appeal to the lowest common denominator, and I'm really doing it to escape into a world I can control, let the mind go wild. So many years of bureaucracy, a million words written there, so tired of it. The world rolls on, and as flawed and mistaken as I have been so many many times, I feel i did the best i could given the circumstances. Don't know who said it but "There are two certainties in life: the vastness of space and the stupidity of humans." I think we have made life a competition and the finish line in that invention is so narrow is only passed by a few. The rest of us are designated collateral, guinea pigs or commodities. Religion carries much of the blame.

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  • Posted

    Just wanted to thank all who have contributed to a fascinating thought provoking thread.

    May God help us all.

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  • Posted

    Hi Clifford, I have never read anything as gripping. I think you seem to have lived your life to the full so far.... Be proud of what you have done, it's possible you may have some PTSD symptoms, if you feel very low you could see your doctor, it doesn't matter how old you are but if you are feeling sad then your doctor could do something. Try it, you never know they may suggest something good that will help you. I wish my life was as good as yours, I'm 30 years younger and feel dreadful having no ability to work for the last 7 years. I do wish you luck.

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