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Is life worth living?

Posted , 8 users are following.

tina89895
tina89895

That is the question I am asking myself this  evening.  If I hadn't had a glass of wine I'd be tempted on going out but the sensible head kicks in to not drive. So does that mean life is worth living. feeling very low this evening yet again but the mirt. seems to make my head feel quite blank numb even more trouble feeling anything. I think that's what the powers to be want me to feel. 

Had a good day today too,....my life sucks..Maybe another glass of wine will put me to sleep for a while.

 

0 likes, 15 replies

15 Replies

  • aitchelle
    aitchelle tina89895

    Posted

    To answer your question...... I guess so. I completely understand what you mean and why you drink. It's very difficult living with depression. I get it when you say that Mirt just makes you feel numb, I've accepted that, for me it is better to be comfortably numb. Insomnia persists though...

    Hope you feel a bit better in a wee while, it's my experience that if you ride out the darkest minutes then you still have something in you that wants to persist. I have frequent dark moments of varying intensity, who knows, one of these days I'll maybe just call it a day, but when I can pause and let the moment pass then that's what I'll do......

    • tina89895
      tina89895 aitchelle

      Posted

      This has been whirring round my head most of this evening. feeling numb doesn't help sort out my feeling and emotions which I am suppose to be getting in touch with. Insommnia ...at least I don't have that as much now thank goodness. Last night I woke at 1 then 3 then thought I'd woken again quite quick and it was 8.30. 

      I know I shouldn't drink but what the heck why not there's not much else good in my life and mustn't keep eating either as I'm worried about putting on weight on this drug. Only put on about 2 kilos so far. If its starts rising quickly then I will have to seriously think of the withdraw process from this drug.

  • lorraine24104
    lorraine24104 tina89895

    Posted

    The demon wine that provides respite......don't quite know how to say this so I am just gonna spit it out. 

    It is my experience that wine, diazepam etc (quick temp fixes) leave you in a worse place when their effects wear off. It's just pushing through that barrier without them and each day things improve. I think they just pull you back to a bad place. 

    Are you taking anti depressants Tina? 

  • lorraine24104
    lorraine24104 tina89895

    Posted

    Sorry just noticed you are taking Mirt. Have you been on them long?
    • tina89895
      tina89895 lorraine24104

      Posted

      7 weeks now, changed from citalipram to mirt. I am less emotional but can't seem to think much anymore. does it affect you like that too?
    • lorraine24104
      lorraine24104 tina89895

      Posted

      Been on 30 for a year. Tried to stop 3 months ago and totally fell apart big time. 

      Now.....just shove them down my neck, don't care if I take them for the rest of my life. The appetite is a bit of a problem, but I am mindful this time and a little more careful. I was just gorging before...and yes, that makes you miserable too doesn't it. 

      I really in my heart of hearts believe what I said about booze and diazepam any time I gave in to either it felt like a bigger climb to get back up. Also you probably know that whilst drink helps you go to sleep, apparently it does not help at all in staying asleep. 

      Maybe tomorrow you might try. I do hope so. I wish you a peaceful night. 

      Happy to chat any time.

    • tina89895
      tina89895 lorraine24104

      Posted

      Thanks Lorraine

      I'm dreading coming off with this drug I don't want to rely on them for the rest of my life. i was against going on anit depressents in the first place but I was not on a very good place so thought it would be a good idea at the time.

      Tomorrow is another day. Will try yet again.

      Night x

  • jude65855
    jude65855 tina89895

    Posted

    Tina, you know from past experience that these feelings will pass and they will pass much more quickly without alcohol or listening to those negative voices in your head.

    I've found it helpful when I'm feeling down to remind myself I've felt like this before and it doesn't last (just as happiness doesn't, unfortunately) and to say "Oh there you are again depression, you're not the boss of me and you'll be gone soon" and in the meantime slow down, meditate, walk in nature, play with a dog or a kitten ......... all those little simple happy things that DO make life worth living.

    Take care of yourself!

    • Sunbird8
      Sunbird8 jude65855

      Posted

      Great post Jude.

      I keep you in my thoughts Tina.

      May you have better times ahead.

  • louise37661
    louise37661 tina89895

    Posted

    Hi sorry your feeling so bad 💐 have you been on the 45mg long ? Or did you mean 7 weeks on that dose ? Totally understand about the drinking I used to do the same just to try to sleep my way through feeling so bloody awful but I'd find the next couple of days after I'd feel 10 fold worse and then I'd want to drink again to blank it out its a vicious circle 😞 I have just started mirtazipine I'm on 15mg it's day 9 nine .

    I hope you start to feel better 🌹

  • ann85529
    ann85529 tina89895

    Posted

    Hi, Tina. Maybe today's weather will bring a breath of fresh air to you. i find a glass of wine wears off after a while, and I feel lower. Is anyone in your life? someone you can visit today? I have to think these things through each day while I suffer anxiety. Medication helps. Hope you have an even better day than yesterday.
  • Andre247
    Andre247 tina89895

    Posted

    Heya Tina I have been on mirt for just on 4 weeks now and they were doing the same to me. Couldnt think at all very numb mind couldnt think straight at all tried to hold a converstion and would forget what I was talking about. The hunger on these things is just cray cray made me want to eat like a mad man lol among other side effects. Remember you always have us to talk to when you feel you need to. There is always one of us around who is going through the same or similar youre not alone hugs
  • tina89895
    tina89895

    Posted

    Thank you all for your comments, today is not good I am so angry, frustrated with what I don't know. just returned from a drive out been screaming and crying while driving not a good idea. Been to a very picturesque place still didn't do anything. The drive along a windy single track road with cliff drops on one side at 40 - 50mph and not caring if I got it wrong. Back home, now self harmed. Booked myself into dance fit class this evening, Dr's and CPN tomorrow. I just wish so wish I could make this all go away or get my head straight. 
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