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is my boyfriend Transgender?

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sara1212
sara1212

My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. Just 2 months ago, he told me he's getting thoughts that he migh be transgender. In this childhood he used to masturbate thinking of the opposite sex (imagining himself as a woman sexually and even wore stockings to get the full effect). Other than sexually imagining himself as a woman he never wanted to become one. He starting questioning himself 8 years ago then eventually he got over it. I told him that maybe it's just a role play he is into...but he's saying that it might be more than that... Now, he questions himself so much that he's literally going crazy, he gets panic attack almost every 5 mins, he get sucidal thoughts, he cries loud etc. he doesnt not want to accept the fact that he's turning transgender, he does not want to become a women but he says lately when he sees another man.. he always questions himself if he wants to be inimate with him or not.... the other day he was at his friends house.. and while watching a movie.. he felt that he should make a move on him... then suddenly that thought scared him so he left his place.. I honeslty do not know what is going on with him.. im there for him but I can't do this anymore.. im fed up with his attacks and just everything. We also went to a OCD therapist which costs a lot of money but we are trying to do whatever we can. We know he had OCD in the past and this might be realated to that. However, he does not feel like OCD therapy is helping much.. he's on his 5 or 6 session and doesnt seem to be improving. He is scared to go to another therapaist because they might tell him he's transgender. We love each other very much and was planning to get married next year.. but with all this we can seem to move forward. I need to know is he transgender? can we take any medications to stop this? (anti-depressants will just supress his anxiety but wont actually help him stop his feelings). PLEASE help us!

0 likes, 3 replies

3 Replies

  • vns01
    vns01 sara1212

    Posted

    I understand how hard this is for couples to cope with. It sounds like a lot of the drama is coming just from the fear of your partner being transgender, rather than them actually being transgender.

    I will say first of all sexual orientation and gender identity are very different things. If your boyfriend is attracted to men that is not an indication of his gender identity. That's an indication of sexuality. He may be questioning instead if he's bisexual or homosexual and not realize it. Trans people can be gay, bi, straight, or whatever else they are.

    The reasons that transgender people are transgender are not really known. It's just something you feel inside you, like you shouldn't have been in this body--it's specifically called dysphoria. It isn't something you can stop, and it isn't necessarily a bad thing, but from what you described he's questioning his sexuality, not his gender.

    Hope this helps. Best of luck to you two.

    • Lizzie46881
      Lizzie46881 vns01

      Posted

      Well said and I totally agree knowing a lot of both homosexual and transgender people, both male and female (and neither).  It definitley sounds like he's questioning his sexuality not his gender identity.

      Lizzie

  • jabberwocky
    jabberwocky sara1212

    Posted

    Ok well starr with what turns him on.. Has he watched straight porn or gay porn in the past to get turned on? Which did he find more appealing? 2 men and anal sex, or does he fantasize about having female genitalia? Does lesbian sex turn him on? How about you? Would you want to be married to him if he became a woman? You need to answer these questions between you and then you will know.
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