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Is my dad a narcissist

Posted , 5 users are following.

richard61401
richard61401

Hi everyone. I've spoke about my dad before on here but wanted some input about narcissistic behaviour. My dad was nasty growing up and still is in many ways.

He put me down, told me I was no good, made me do everything his way, didn't ever encourage me, didn't ever go to parents evenings, school plays etc. Smack me with leather belts, hit me, swore at me a lot, spoke down to me in a very abusive loud tone. I have no memories of playing with him with my toys as a child. He would smash toys and throw them.In my teens I wanted to do things but never got any encouragement. He would encourage me to punch a bully in the face. He would love all that. I have never sat down and had a deep conversation with him unless it was to tell him how upset he makes me feel. Him and my mum were always arguing. He went to the pub every night for three pints or more instead of doing things with us. I rebelled in my teens for attention but it only ended in me geting put down more and told I was a pain a no good. Any idea I have had to better myself he has never encouraged. He would just say that it's too risky or I'm not good enough to do it. I should play it safe. My mum is like it to in some ways but I think my mum has been turned that way by my dad. My bro never had it as bad as me. He used to turn his mind off from it all and just keep out the way. Anyway any input would be greatly appreciated.

Regards

1 like, 12 replies

12 Replies

  • deirdre._03652
    deirdre._03652 richard61401

    Posted

    I hi Richard. Oh bless you young man, your dad may certainly just be a bully, do you know how his parents treated him in his youth....Maybe they were the same and he is still angry...

    But !!!! He should not treat any of you the way he does it is cruel and wrong....is their anyone you could talk to. That HE WOULD LISTEN TO......Maybe your GP...I think he needs to be aware just how much his bullying is affecting others.....please, talk to someone tomorrow, or as soon as you possibly can....

    Try to keep your chin up young man....big warm hugs coming your way....dee xxxxx.

  • lisalisa67
    lisalisa67 richard61401

    Posted

    He is a jerk. I say that with love. And reread your other post. I will hands down guess your dad had a rough upbringing himself. People drink to kill their feelings. He has been hurt big time and had repeated the cycle on you. Not sure if he is a narcissist, yes abusive, yes a jerk and yes he has mental issues. Stop trying to make him someone he can not be, stop wanting an apology, and stop replaying it over and over it wont make him what you want ir need. Yiur options are to tell him how you have felt, whi cares in his response, thats for you..then richard walk away. Toxic people are just that. I know you love you mum but by now shes beaten down and surrendered to his abusive ways, unless she has told you she needs help getting away she wont go anyway. you can still have contact but very limited and id never. Allow him to watch my kids. Miserable bitter people like to make other people miserable and bitter. You need to get therapy and forgiveness he is ill richard, he is ill so forgive him for that and forgive yourself for whatever..for wanting his love or wanting him or being so hurt by him..forgive yourself. Sounds odd but it is real. Forget about what it should have been, no one gets the perfect life. Noone. Most  have some dysfunction in their families. You did nothing to make hum like that. You were a kid. There was no behavior at all on the Earth that could have ,ade him any different then what he was.

    you need therapy. You need tomwork this all out and break the cycle. Be a better man. Always feel and have compassion. Know your own value and please please dont allow someone to ever dictate to you anything condensending or tell you you have no value. You are well worthy of love and kindness. I know this is hard and it hurts but thats okay. Allow this to let you frow as a person,

    • lisalisa67
      lisalisa67

      Posted

      Grow* a narcissist is different then what you described. Not a good thing either but different.
    • richard61401
      richard61401 lisalisa67

      Posted

      Thankyou for the replies. I am going to therapy. I'm seing someone at my GP surgery on Tuesday so will see how that goes. I'm going to break contact with them for a while until I've had some therapy and see how I feel. I've given up on the idea of having any kind of good relationship with him. I spoke to my mum today and her exact words were that I'm talking rubbish. So I'm fighting a lost cause with her too. She said I'm as much to blame as my dad.

    • maria_1963
      maria_1963 richard61401

      Posted

      I feel for you ( my family have always been there for me ) , your dad should had been a role model that you should had been able to look up to , protect you , your mum should had been someone who should had been reading you stories at bedtime , smother you with love - that sadly is not the way for many families , you need to step back from them , think about yourself - you are important regardless of what your dad says an your mum telling you talk rubbish - that was totally out of order , okay your parents may have had a awful upbringing but they should had learnt from it an took a different path with their own children , go to your therapy session with an open mind - they are there to help you , tell whoever you see everyhing if you can , maybe write down your thoughts an feelings , if you are able to just stay away from your family then do so , make 2017 when you put yourself an your mental health first , take care xx
    • lisalisa67
      lisalisa67 richard61401

      Posted

      Toxic.they are toxic. Thats the truth. You deserve all good things and you need to believe that now.
    • claire46793
      claire46793 richard61401

      Posted

      hello

      ?Lisalisa is right. he is a jerk. An ill jerk. e won't apologise. You cannot change him but you can change your mindset towards him and the reaction to his abusive, bullying, drunken behaviour. You are not alone . A lot of children suffer and still are at the hands of these bullies. Keep your children aay from him or at least have minimal contact and then never let your children be alone with him.

      Take care

  • cycad
    cycad richard61401

    Posted

    Héllo richard61401.

    I don't really know if your father has NPD, but thät aside, ?hat he is, is an abusive, self centered a-hole. A parent of that nature is bound to leave mental and emotional scarrs on a child. If they don't thén it“s just pure luck. Reäl sorry your dad was/is like that. It's saddéning.

    • richard61401
      richard61401 cycad

      Posted

      I know it's sad isn't it. My mum isn't innocent in this either. but I'm realising now that I'm fighting a losing battle. I can't get either of them to acknowledge that there is a problem. I can't keep going through life trying to put on a brave face and just battling on. I haven't got the energy. I've got cancer at the moment too. And have just finished treatment. But haven't had results yet. I don't want to feel anxious anymore. So I think I will be cutting them off

    • cycad
      cycad richard61401

      Posted

      Wow, you're going through a lot. Äll the best with your results, you'll be fine. In terms of cutting ýour parents off, well, that“s obviously úp to you but ýou'd be in the right as far as I'm concerned. I feel for you in your situation but don't worry, a lot ôf people häve been ?here you are as well. Stay strong richard61401. It'll be okaý.

  • donna92581
    donna92581 richard61401

    Posted

    Hi Richard I'm sorry about relationships with your parents ! 

    That's a very sad situation . 

    Parents like yours , they don't even realize , how much affects children's 

    lives ! I think it's a good idea to separate from them . At least for a while ! 

    First you take care of your health . Get healthy & strong  .

    I'm sure your tests come out good ! Take care Richard . 

    Thinking of you ! Donna 

  • deirdre._03652
    deirdre._03652 richard61401

    Posted

    Hi Richard, I truly hope that your cancer results are good, also that your counselling goes well...be totally open and honest with them ( believe me...they have heard it all )

    Also if you step back from your parents for a while, they may realise just how upset you are....but one thing....never lose permanent contact, because if anything happens to them, you would never forgive yourself....

    Hopefully they will change and treat you differentl...your father may well have been jealous of you, as he may have felt that he failed in many ways, and had many opportunities pass him by, that you maybe have now......

    Anyway young man, never lose hope or faith in yourself...your family....and your future....warm hugs, regards, and respect to you young man...take care always ,lovey,....xxxxxxx

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