is my friend really depressed
Posted , 5 users are following.
sorry if its long and if there r typos...
btw we dont live in the same city
my friend went through depression for 2-3 years after moving then came back to her old country. At the time i didn't really know that so i coundn't help her. now i know. she is back and moved to a new school and made new friends but seems to still be depressed. when the smalest thing happens such as a very little fight with a friend she sais 'i am depressed again and i feel like am as depressed as i was in my old school'. like seriously, the past i in the past like she came to a new school and made new friends and over came her depression and then when the slightest thing happens its back to depression land. i dont know if she does this for attention or any other reason. i went through depression and over came it alone(not saying that i expect others to overcome it alone but mine was minor). yes i used to self harm and yes i didnt tell my parents. i told her but not the self harm because she used to copy evrything i do. i didn't want her to copy that. i explained to her hat i respect her opinion and that i love her no matter what btw.
i told her the truth that like its too much, she keeps on making suicide jokes its wayy too much.(ex: i am gonna jump off the bacony now i love u, then i called her and she said that she was bored)
nut she is not considering suicide, i know it, there is no reason to do that, she is not having anything severe going on in her life like litterly NOTHING.
i told her that she is the only one who will over come this. Its psycological, she is shuving the idea into her mind that she is weird and other stuff, the thing is that she is suving it in in and doesnt even wanna take it out.
i told her that for a day she has to stay positive no joking around and like to not think about her bad friends.
if u were in my place, you would understand, its obvious she is kind of lwaantng attention.. i dont know how to describe it.
we do these little skype calls where i try to takl and open her eyes and help her but she keeps on taling about what she wnet through and that its normal that its not going.
is what i am doing correct i am kind of lost and i need your help.
1 like, 26 replies
jmcg2014 love24150
Posted
Although you mean well, by you telling her what she should or shouldn't do probably isn't helping her at all. It is up to her to seek help, others telling her will only add pressure. If it's too much for you then you need to tell her and move on. If you want to stick by her until she gets help herself then tell her that and accept her for how she is. It's really that simple, remember it is her who is struggling, you can either stay and support her or move on and leave her to it
love24150 jmcg2014
Posted
hello, i apreciate you replying
she doesn't need help because she snt really depressed, its jsut that she keeps on remembering what happened and wanting attention. i will take what you said in considersideration.
thank you
chrissie60 love24150
Posted
milkandhoney love24150
Posted
just try to support and understand her. maybe there was a situation that possibly could have scarred her. some people are just more sensitive about things and go to panic mode. whenever she has an episode like that just try to calm her down and reassure her things are going to be alright. ithink the most important thing is having friends who understand you or are atleast tryingt there best to help you .
but if you really feel like she's doing it for attention then you know don't like say 'oh i know what your doing' just let it be but it's really your choice if you want to stay with her. don't argue with her because you never rally know if she is going to take it seriously and hurt herself , that would be 'considered' your fault , you feel me? anyways just slowly gradually stop being friends with her or just straight up tell her you don't want to be friends with her. i know it probably difficult to just cutt of friendship just stay stong fam . if you or anyone needs someone to talk to someone you have me , (: just be strong i know its easier said then done but just try
~min
sorry for any errors in grammar or spelling
Canada_Hippy love24150
Posted
You are not helping. You are making it worse.
People with depression don't always seem sad or down. Some days they feel better and act normally. Some days are very bad and everything is so hard. They have no control.
You telling her to snap out of it is wrong. If she could, don't you think she would after feeling so awful? It makes her feel worse because she cannot, no matter how hard she tries. It's like taking someone's glasses away and saying they can see better if they tried.
Depression just sits over you like a black cloud, following you. It needs outside medical help because it is a chemical imbalance in the brain.
If you want to help your friend, just listen. Don't offer help. Offer your company, go for walks together, watch a movie together. She needs to keep social because she probably just wants to stay in bed all day.
Be a good friend. Encourage, don't nag, her to seek medical care. There are really good safe medications that she can consider.
love24150 Canada_Hippy
Posted
thank you for answering
don't worry i didnt tell her that i think she is seeking attention or something like that
could u please explain me why its wrong that i told her it happened in the past and its time to let go.
because in that school, she was barely bullied only 2-3 ppl told her names and stuff, she was pretty lonely, and she just scratech herself and sent me pics for attention(very understandable at this time)
and she said she has suicidal thoughts which before she said she never had and now she does ( i am conused)
chrissie60 love24150
Posted
This is just more proof that she is fooling you and making you feel bad about somehow not being able to help her. Believe me, nothing will help her because nothing is wrong. Ignore her - she'll soon find another sucker.
Canada_Hippy love24150
Posted
You are not in her skin. You weren't bullied. You cannot feel how she feels. Some people are much more sensitive and carry things around in their head, going over and over, making it worse.
When I was diagnosed with depression, my husband wouldn't believe it because he said I had nothing to be depressed about.
That's not how depression works.
Look, if you don't want to be friends with her, don't. If you want to help or stay with her, just be there and listen. Maybe that's all she wants.
chrissie60 love24150
Posted
Actually, you are doing exactly what she wants you to do - you arre getting sucked in to her personal and made-up little dramas, and hshe has you right where she wants you to be.
Even the Skype thing - can you EVER escape her?
Luckily you're in different schools.
She sounds extremely manipulative and knows exactly which of your buttons to press.
The answer? IGNORE HER.
If she phones, don't answer. If she texts and says if you don't answer she'll jump off a bridge, ignore the ext. Don't reply.
Don't get involved with Skype discussions.
She sounds like a nasty piece of work, manipulating and worrying you.
She's fine. Once she realises you're not 'playing' any longer, she'll either have a huge row with you, or simply move on to another victim.
Be careful. People like she is can be dangerous. Get yourself uninvolved immediately. You are too trusting.
And you deserve a real friend, not one who pulls your emotions apart, darling.
Chrissie.
love24150 chrissie60
Posted
i know her and she is very sensitive, and going through depression for years is sooo tough for her and anyone else. u are kind of right but i dont feel confortable cutting her off in the end of the day she is my bbf and bff should help eachother. and if she crossis the line i will definitly just leave. she also lost 2 bbfs(they might talk it out though)
she is in a very fragile place in her life(atleast i think) and so ill do my best
thank you for ur advice i will take it alot in consideration
chrissie60 love24150
Posted
Love, my dear, don't you worry about 'cutting her off'.
Two best friends have very sensibly left.
You are a kind, worthwhile person and because you suffered depression you don't want to abandon this girl who SAYS she's depressed. Personally I don't think for a moment that she's depressed! But she knew you when you were depressed and she knows what to say.
Do yourself a favour and find another friend. This one won't care. Find a real friend who shares interesting things and fun times with you.
You're not a therapist, love. Don't let this manipulative young lady turn you into one - what exactly do YOU get from the relationship, as a matter of interest? Does she worry at all about you?
I already know the answer to that, by the way!
Chrissie
love24150 chrissie60
Posted
well when we see eachother we have sooo much fun and also when i was depressed, she was the person who heped me feel better, she used to talk to me and then tell me how she can relate and what is happening to her. we also have so manythings in common that i cant really say online(secrets, guurrll u know what i mean)
i will see how this friendship will progress
thank u
btw i would love to be a therapist
jmcg2014 chrissie60
Posted
Jeez obviously you have no understanding of depression and how it affects people, here's hoping your never in need of help - if you do and you end up with someone like yourself.....well that would teach you a valuable lesson
love24150
Posted
chrissie60 love24150
Posted
That is very sensible of you.
I don't think you really believe she's depressed. You know perfectly well that she's an attention-seeking, manipulative, nasty piece of work.
Am I right? DO you think these things? After all it was YOU who self-harmed when YOU were genuinely depressed. She just threatens to do things like this!
Love, what do you honestly think is going on here?
love24150 chrissie60
Posted
chrissie60 love24150
Posted
Love, I understand that.
Here's a plan:
Cut her off completely and see what happens. If she finds another sucker fairly quickly you'll know that she was fooling you.
Or: Stick with her and be ever more manipulated. Whilst you're sticking with her, write down all the positive things this friendship has brought you. If there's nothing on your list (and I doubt if there will be),
Cut her off!!
love24150 chrissie60
Posted
i will see and do as u say, observ clearly and with attention
chrissie60 love24150
Posted
This is fascinating!
love24150 chrissie60
Posted
i will but,i might forget, i have alot of school work
chrissie60 love24150
Posted