Is my on and off partner Bipolar?

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OK, I'll try and keep this short and any advice would be warmly received.

I met this girl in January and we just clicked amazingly. Similar interests, banter, bedroom, everything. And we both had young children, so that side was amazing, too.

She is very, very pretty, but doesn't see it, and admitted to me she had suffered from depression since she was 10 and can have mood swings. In fact, she has a reputation around town for being a bit 'nuts', but all I saw was a kind, ultra-affectionate big hearted woman (of 37).

I was going through a rough patch, trying to get my ex-wife out of the house who flipped after we had a kid (and was a secret coke head - I've never taken drugs), and my new partner would come round when she wasn't there which was a big ask. 

She had inferiority complexes about how pretty my ex was despite my reassurances, and as time went out I identified lots of cracks. She would dip, leave in the morning without saying anything, only communicating by text, which is very frustrating. 

We would be all loved up (she told me she wanted to marry me after a few weeks, which was odd) and when she dipped I would get a message saying, 'she just wanted to be friends', she didn't 'fancy me', which was the opposite to all of her actions.

When she goes into this mode she hides and we had quite a few rows. After a few days we would get back together, bump into each other out and go home together, but she would dip again and it started to get more frequent. She told me she had no relationship with her family or sister who lived close by and could not wait for them not to be here anymore. And said she had been in a physichally abusive relationship in her early twenties, with a drug taker, and she started using cocaine to medicate. She does not now. 

She also started raising issues about problems bonding with my son, who is a great kid, two years old, but would then be all affectionate with him.

The last time she dipped and we split, in March, she got very spiteful on text, "I only slept with you because I had wine googles on', 'I've got to stop going out with ugly people', and 'your son makes me cringe'. 

A bit more background, she is insanely jealous, I've found her hiding around a corner crying when an estate agent woman in a pub I know was just talking to me in a bar while I was getting us drinks (no flirting at all), and when a woman sat on my lap drunk for a few seconds at a BBQ, she did not stop going on about it for weeks.

She also has NO friends - not one girlfriend she can call up - and the only one she did have wiped her hands with her as she only got in contact when she was single again and wanted to go out.

We split for five weeks, when I saw her in the street she looked terrified, totally unhinged in fact, and changed her number, 'as I was stalking her'. She also got back with her parents and out of nowhere it was happy families again. (there are two older brothers that the parents have disowned over drug issues).

I was shocked when I heard this, but really pleased for her. She would text and call every now and then, being quite abusive and quoteing her mother and father all the time, they said this, they said that.

She also told me in this first relationship she fantasises about not being here, but would never do anything, and that she thought her dad might have abused her, but she isn't sure as she has blackouts. She doesn't believe that now. One morning after we had bumped into each other and I'd stayed the night, she even asked me why she had no knickers on in the morning, which really worried me, as she couldn't remember any of our love making that night.

Anyway, after seeing her a few times out without talking, she eventually got back in touch properly, said sorry, that she loved me and it was all down to the stress of my situation. Things were great, even better than before, she moved in with her daughter, but wanted to keep her flat on in case she needed to 'escape'. I said that was fine.

She is very homely and was getting stuff for the kids, baking cakes with them and we went out on lost of family outings and away together, I could never plan anything with her before as she would change her mind, but it was not a problem now.

So I'm looking after her daughter in the day as its the school holidays, and I work from home in the evenings, and I gave her a lift to her cleaning jobs. She used to cycle.

Everything was going great, although she admitted she was feeling 'black' at times but would now talk about it. But she left again two weeks ago, we got back together in May.

Her flat was up for renewal and she was stressing about whether to keep it or not (in case she felt black and needed a safe place). I said I wanted her to live here, she had done permanently for two months even bringing her cat - but there was no rush.

But I dropped her off to work one morning and she said nothing, no kiss. Then I started to get the texts, 'my mum said she couldn't live with you because of your mouth and neither could I'. We spent a lot of time with her parents, here and at theirs, and it is a banter-filled existence. In fact her dad is very like me and I'm apparently the only boyfriend they've ever liked, which she loved.

She wouldn't speak, it was all on text, and let me down with looking after my child. I lost my rag and told her she was selfish and unappreciative when I look after her daughter every day, and pleaded with her to get help for her daughter's sake, but she won't do that, despite admitting she has depression.

She then told me she was scared to be on her own with me and that I was just as bad as the guy who abused her all those years ago. A few days earlier she had wished I was her child's real father, and was leaving love notes under my pillow.

I eventually got round to hers after a week of texting - she had moved back - but she told me to leave after 10 minutes, so I did. She then invited me back the next night and I stayed, but nothing happened. She left in the morning without a word, then started texting saying she couldn't be physichal with me anymore. Then I would get more abuse and even though I tried to apologise and point out all the positives, none of it registers when she is like this - it is all negative. Although, then I would get random text messages telling me what she was having for dinner or had bought in a charity shop.

She likes a glass of wine every night and goes to bed watching the Waltons (fantasy of perfect family life?) and she got smashed for four days, ignoring me when I have seen her out and just saying in the bar on her own, she has no friends remember, sitting down and talking to anyone, especially men, going on about her daughter her age and her cleaning job, how she has split up with me or loves me, but I'm abusive.

I then learn she has been having the weirdest guy from the pub round her house (who is 25) and dresses like the Hovis Boy and always has a 1920 delivery bike very odd, who she tells me is her friend. She never spoke to him before, but she says nothing is happening, but he has stayed at her flat and she has been seen holding hands with him. She also invited another old flame out for a drink who is moving away with his fiance, just to have a drink with someone, out with her kid until 10pm.

I've since learned that when we split before she saw a couple of other men and snogged a 22-year-old, which I put down to her vulnerabilty and loneliness - although she likes to think she is independent and not jealous which she is.

She is a compulsive liar and one of the other things I noticed from bipolar symptoms is that sometimes she would want so much sex, and other times she had no libido. And that side of things was very good on both sides, although some issues arose from her past which I never pushed.

Anyway, why am I sticking around you may ask. Because she is wonderful and I am sure she is bipolar -what do you guys think and what is my best course of action now as she is completely ignoring me now, and she has changed her phone again, and is telling me she doesn't want to be with me - whereas last week she was talking weddings. It's like Groundhog Day and I don't want to get into rows etc with her!

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4 Replies

  • Posted

    If that was short?  holy crap!!!  Dump her, to put it bluntly.  Sorry but didn't read

    through all of your message.  You seem to attract drug users.  Wonder why?

    Take care.

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  • Posted

    Gosh - do you really need all this stress ? I thought relationships were meant to make you happy, sounds like a nightmare. I couldn't be doing with that, good luck.
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  • Posted

    It sounds to me that she is doing all that to gain sympathy.....almost like she wants you to feel bad for her and give more affection!....now I may be totally wrong! Do you know if she is telling the truth about her past? She may have actually started believing herself if she is lying....and again she could be truthful! She does sound like two different people I would take her to seek help asap!! I hope things improve for you soon, you sound like a really nice loving fella who deserves happiness all of the time....your child deserves it too!
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