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I hope someone can give me some clarity about this. I have no idea what is going on right now and have no idea what to think or do.
I've met this amazing girl a few months back. We've been doing very well although she was a bit distant in the beginning. Soon she told me she's going travelling in September and doesn't know when she'll come back, which made our situation more difficult. She kept her distance, she said, because she didn't want to get close to anyone romantically, but she didn't expect someone like me to come along. Eventually she let her guard down and she was very affectionate in this period.
Out of the blue she started acting distant again, which became worse with time. When we were spending time with each other, nothing seemed different. Only when we weren't together, which is most of the time, she's pushing me away.
She once told me she had suffered from depression. No one knew at the time because she's very good at pretending she's okay. It was only when she didn't want to live anymore that she went up to her mother who took her to see a psychologist.
When she was being distant I first thought it was me she wasn't interested in anymore. At one point I even thought she was only using me. But she has always been super honest with me about where we stand, with her going away and all. I'd like to believe she would've just told me she wasn't interested anymore if that were the case. But still, this behaviour was really frustrating because she couldn't give me an explanation.
At a certain point I confronted her again. She ignored my messages all day. I just reached a point where I started to ask myself what I mean to her in the first place. That's when she told me it might be better to stop this between us. She's distancing herself from everyone, she said, and doesn't want to hurt me. I deserve 10.000 times better, she cares a lot about me and wants to be there for me, but she can't get herself to act normal. She feels guilty and sad she does this and it's nothing like her. I let her be the next day and on Monday she texted me if I wanted to hang out. We talked the situation through, although I still don't know what's going on with her, just that she's not in a good place right now. All through our meet-up there was obviously still this tension between us. Or at least that's how I felt. In the end she kissed me and now I'm confused.
She hasn't mentioned a depression. But what do you guys think? She's still doing all kinds of things with friends and it seems to me I'm the only one she has difficulty meeting up with. She's still talking to me though, and takes initiative talking to me. When I try to tell her I'm here for her and stuff she starts responding in a way that I want a relationship with her. I've told her several times now I accept and respect the situation as it is, I just want to be there for her. I've asked her if she's looking forward to her trip and she said she's not looking forward to anything at the moment. She's always talking about this chaos in her mind.
What am I supposed to do? I have no idea what she wants from me? Does she want me to walk away? Somehow I feel like she doesn't want me to walk away and she actually cares more about me than she wants to, which makes her scared, but I'm not sure if I this is an irrational thought. I want to support her and be affectionate but I just don't know if I'm doing the right thing? Can someone please enlighten me a little bit?
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