Is there ever an end to this

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Iv suffered from bouts of depression for 23 years.iv been on one medication after another iv had ect and I also had the surgery in the 90s which was obviously a waste of time.i had a bad marriage and I left my husband in 2000 he has since died.i have 3 children all grown up..I always felt very close to my daughter and would do anything for her.i had a severe bout of depression in April and May.i did everything I was told and I read a book that really inspired me.i was put on mitrazapine and trazadone.i was doing ok but I was getting pain in my joints I thought it was the medication.not to be it was arthritis in my spine spread from my neck.i really just thought what's the point I fought to get well only to get a kick in the teeth.i was at a family gathering at the weekend and after 3 hour I wanted to leave.my daughter made something of it and spoke to me the way her father used to.he had the ability of me wanting the ground to open up and swallow me when he wasn't pleased with me.just because I have mental health issues I don't see why people treat me like I'm an idiot.part of my problem is I don't want to upset other people so they get away with it.i spent most of yesterday in bed crying.my head just feels a mess.i really want to give up the fight iv fought for so long only bad things happen so what is the point.the hole is dug and I don't know if I can get out anymore.any thoughts would be welcome

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  • Posted

    Hi Carolyn. It sounds like you have been having a dreadful time. Are you seeing a psychiatrist? If not you should ask your GP to refer you, given your complex history. What you say makes me feel that you are not able to be assertive with your family, that perhaps you have always been the one to yield, and your needs have been at the bottom of the list. It may be difficult to deal with this when you are feeling as low as you are at the moment, but at some point counselling could address those issues. If you have had bouts of depression in the past you will know that eventually those feelings pass. Don't give up.
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    • Posted

      Thanks for your reply.i am seeing a psychiatrist and I have a cpn.il try not to give up but sometimes there is just no light at the end of the tunnel.but thank you
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