Is there something wrong with me?

Posted , 4 users are following.

I've been struggling with my intrusive thoughts for weeks now, they seem to have gotten worse since I last posted. To the point where I'm having to take Nytol to help me sleep even for a couple hours. As the nature of them is highly distressing. I've even been telling the thoughts to stop out loud, scratching at my legs and tugging at my hair. I dread going to bed every night as I know it's going to be even worse than during the day.

I lost my tablets tonight so had a really bizarre, disturbing and highly vivid dream. In it my closest friend was carrying me around for some reason and I grabbed his jaw and bent his head all the way sideways as if to break his neck. Now this is obviously not something I would do. Ever. He threw me on the floor and said something. I remember being able to see my hands on the pavement in front of me, and it was like I was consciously aware of it, like it wasn't a dream and I could feel him walk behind me. Then other things happened and I woke up. I, like a moron looked up dream meanings as usually do and it said that killing someone in your dreams means you're trying to suppress a part of yourself or something. And it's just made me ten times more anxious now than I was. Am I being irrational?

I'm scared because I'm not having major physical symptoms but my mental anxiety is bad, hence the long a*s post. Please someone reply because I feel like I'm losing it here. This is taking over my life again.

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5 Replies

  • Posted

    When my anxiety is at its worse I seemed to have really bad thoughts too. I actually think it helps to physically tell myself to calm down and start thinking rationally. I'm seeing a therapist who is helping me cope. Do you have anyone to talk to? It may help more than you think.
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    • Posted

      I know how you feel! And then I feel anxious because the thoughts occur more. Not professionally I've not. Feels like I'm not really taken seriously by my doctors. I have my friend that I had the dre about, but I don't want to bug him all the time.
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    • Posted

      You should try to see someone professionally. It has helped me so much! Something that my therapist suggested was to write all those crazy thoughts down as soon as I think them. Then write down why i may be having those thoughts. Then close my eyes, take a few deep breaths and start to read the things I've wrote down. It's hard to do at first because the anxiety gets my mind all over the place. Sometimes I'm so anxious it's physically hard for me to pick up the pencil. But after a few tries I start to write and I calm myself down. Then I read the things I write and I think about how silly they sound. It's so funny how anxiety can turn your thoughts around. Just remember, you are not crazy. Anxiety is fear and fear causes people not to think rationally.
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  • Posted

    You really need to see someone professionally to help you. You are definately not going mad (though I know it can feel like it sometimes). These irrational scary thoughts are just a symptom of anxiety. They cant do you any harm but I know they can be very disturbing. Dont look for any meaning in them, there isny any. Dont google symptoms. Dont look in dream books (although you probably know this now!). Is there a different GP you can see at your practice? You need to be referred for some counselling or for some Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. There is nothing wrong with you but getting some professional assistance will help these thoughts be less intrusive. They are only thoughts and cannot do anything. They are created by the anxious state and are not part of your natural character. Be assured that they will go away completely when your anxiety state goes away which it will do. Try to pay them as little attention as possible, they have no meaning, and get on with your life as best you can. In the meantime, see your GP, make a fuss, demand some help. You may need some meds to help with sleeping for a while and Propranalol is good if you are getting heart palpitations etc. You will be OK. Anxiety is not dangerous and can do you no harm. Try not to obsess about the thoughts and distract yourself if you can. Exercise, like a brisk walk, often helps with anxiety and a warm bath and a milky drink before bed can help with sleep. Be kind to yourself and dont worry about the thoughts. They are all rubbish.
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