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I've been struggling with my intrusive thoughts for weeks now, they seem to have gotten worse since I last posted. To the point where I'm having to take Nytol to help me sleep even for a couple hours. As the nature of them is highly distressing. I've even been telling the thoughts to stop out loud, scratching at my legs and tugging at my hair. I dread going to bed every night as I know it's going to be even worse than during the day.
I lost my tablets tonight so had a really bizarre, disturbing and highly vivid dream. In it my closest friend was carrying me around for some reason and I grabbed his jaw and bent his head all the way sideways as if to break his neck. Now this is obviously not something I would do. Ever. He threw me on the floor and said something. I remember being able to see my hands on the pavement in front of me, and it was like I was consciously aware of it, like it wasn't a dream and I could feel him walk behind me. Then other things happened and I woke up. I, like a moron looked up dream meanings as usually do and it said that killing someone in your dreams means you're trying to suppress a part of yourself or something. And it's just made me ten times more anxious now than I was. Am I being irrational?
I'm scared because I'm not having major physical symptoms but my mental anxiety is bad, hence the long a*s post. Please someone reply because I feel like I'm losing it here. This is taking over my life again.
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