is this a lost cause

Posted , 6 users are following.

I suffer deeply from anxiety, depression, ptsd, was diagnosed with odd as a child i also have bad adhd and many more problems along with extenssive past trauma I cannot get over. When I was 16 I spent 14 months living in a residential treatment facility, I have had many counselors and hospital visits I could literally write a novel and I'm only 19 but no one will tell me whats wrong or can help. Presently I am living with my boyfriend, he is the only person I talk to other than small talk at my part time job, I suffer so much on a daily basis I get flashbacks, I feel really guilty all the time, I feel like I'm so annoying and discusting and ugly and no one wants to be around me, I can't make any friends because I don't trust anyone and it takes me an extremely long time to warm up to people so everyone thinks I'm just being a bitch, I honestly cannot function properly I have to motivate myself to get up to do anything. My boyfriend always wants to go out but I never leave the house unless I'm going to work I don't like being around people who I have to act fake and happy around but in turn I'm just ruining my realationship and I don't know what to do anymore.

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8 Replies

  • Posted

    I also have panic attacks, crying episodes, I get extremly upset sometimes and just punch myself in the face or pull my hair out, I know I sound crazy but if anyone could help at all it would be really appreciated 
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  • Posted

    Hi alyak

    I feel like I might not be a lot of help but just wanted you to know someone is reading this and thinking of you right now. And to some extent understands. It sounds like you have been through a lot and I can't pretend to understand your trauma etc. But I do understand depression and anxiety. I have struggled from about 15 with anxiety and 17/18 depression. And currently going through a high level of anxiety and HATING it. But I've also felt like I'm going crazy before! You're not though you're honestly not!!

    Are you on medication if you mind me asking?

    I am and have been for a few years. I use to be quite against but has helped me a lot.

    Hope you know you're not alone and you WILL be happy and well even if it doesn't feel that way not

    Always talk and don't be ashamed to talk about these things to anyone!

    Natalie

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  • Posted

    Hello sweetie,

    First of all you aren't crazy at all and well done for holding down a job.

    You've obviously experienced a range of difficult things that have left their mark, however you do have insight and self awareness and an inner strength to carry on. You also want to help yourself which is a big step.

    I would suggest that you work on and build on that inner strength. You perhaps need to develop your self belief and confidence. If you have a stronger sense of those then it will minimise some of your emotional distress.

    I know this may seem a bit wishy - washy as I'm not offering practical solutions as such. Sure some practical things like meditation , better diet and exercise all help but working on your inner self and you feel about yourself is a personal journey that we some how have to find our own path. Though saying that perhaps pursuing the right kind of psychological therapy ( I don't mean just cbt!) would probably help with that journey. Takes a bit of research to find what you think might be right for you.

    Perhaps you should write that book?! Writing itself can be very cathartic. For me I've found having supportive and understanding friends as invaluable. I know it's easier said then done to meet people and make friends but it's worth considering taking up some activities that you enjoy where you can meet new people?

    Don't be too hard on yourself or self critical you are not 'bad'! It'd not your fault you have experienced trauma.

    It is all small steps and a certain amount of acceptance that will helps you along the way.

    Take care.

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  • Posted

    Seek any medical and professional help for yourself. You are so young so don't give up.
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  • Posted

    Seek any medical and professional help for yourself. You are so young so don't give up.
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  • Posted

    This makes me so sad for you. At least you know what you have, and have sought out help. And you are able to work!! You had to have been very young when you suffered the trauma. So I really doubt that is was your fault in any way. So nothing to feel guilty about. I have been there. I was abused most of my childhood, and I have most of the diagnosis you listed. The hardest part for me was to realize that it really was not my fault that all of that happened. That I really was not dirty and ugly. Please don't hurt yourself any more than what has been done. You just need to learn to live again. What if you ask your boyfriend if he would like to have 2 of his friends over, and play some game? I had to start out small. If I needed to, I would go to the bedroom to get myself together again. The more you are around a few people, the easier it will get. You are not crazy!!! Your mind and body are responding to what you have been through. You do not have to fight it all at once. Just test it. Are you on any medications? There are some good ones the doctor can prescribe that can help you. It sometimes takes a while to find the right one. You have taken a big step coming into this group and telling your story. There are a lot of good people with really good advice. It is up to you if you want to try it or not. Francesca had a good idea about writing the book. I have started one myself. It helps so much to get it out on paper. All of your true feelings, anger, etc. Some of my pages even have tears on them. Don't give up hon. It sounds like you have more of a grip than I did at that age wink xx
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  • Posted

    you had it rough . you have tried everything . the problem lies with you you feel worthless , get your self out and about and except it  ,your along time dead  you have a boy friend many dont
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  • Posted

    you had it rough you tried everything, now kick yourself into gear  you have a boyfried many dont. Get out and about your a long time dead
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