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I am really really struggling with health anxiety st the moment to the point that I'm having to move back home to my parents and im turning up to a&e every 5 mins thinking something wrong with me and it's crippling me. I can't count how many times I've been to a&e and have sat in the waiting room going through of what worst news they can tell me which would be cancer. I thought having BPD was bad and having suicide idealisation and the rest that comes with it but since having therapy I know how to manage it but have gone the total opposite I'm afraid of death. I don't want to die. I've seen How beautiful life is. I want to live.its like I'm fighting to live after all these years I've took life for granted. Now I'm at the point I want to live I feel like it's gonna be taken from under my feet. I don't want my girl to be without a mum. .
I've had a Fbc, thyroid, kidney, liver, potassium, sodium levels, oxygen through my colon blood test, serveral ECGs, a blood test on my heart, blood pressure - standing and sitting. temp, my urine checked, a chest X-ray. Would of they have found something by now?
I'll get to the point now just wanted to get it al out but since this I've been feeling full anytime I eat and feel sick to my stomach. I've always had a healthy appetite even when the worst things in the world have happened to me. Can't work out if this is an actual physicial effect or anxiety like as soon as i put something in my mouth I want to vomit. I have 0 appetite. I have pain in my upper stomach. Like Gastro symptoms. I was given anti nausea tabs but haven't worked. I'm 100% convinced I have either overain cancer or cervical. I really believe it. I really don't want my Pap smear. I'm to scared
List of my symptoms.
Loss of Weight (so frustrating I want to put on weight)
0 appetite (Gastro symptoms) pains under my ribs
Sweaty feet - like my feet are soaking
Shooting pains through my nerves (that's all I can describe it as)
Waking up in a sweat in the night
I'm so scared
I don't have a life anymore. I'm not myself at all. I've isolated myself. I can't do this on my own I have a young child and I want to enjoy her. I want to get on with my life she's already lost her dad.
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