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Is this anxiety?

Posted , 6 users are following.

gillian26312
gillian26312

hi

i have had issues with anxiety for around 7 years but have been really well for around the last 4 years. I am on 40mg citalopram. not so long ago i decided to half my tablets as i felt i was well. that same week i went on a night out with a friend and got extremely drunk. i am married and whilst its not a fantasy marriage and we have had problems recently i do love my husband very much. during the night out a man was very flirty and complimentery towards me and asked me to dance etc. it was nice as my husband never compliments me. anyway, to cut a long story short we had a brief kiss. i did stop the kiss as i knew deep down it was wrong and that i love my husband.

ever since this night my anxiety has spiked i have been crippled with guilt and anxiety. i only cut my tablets for just over a week and have since started on my 40mg. in the hope this helps.

i just cant shake this guilt i feel like a total monster. and its killing me.

i told my husband about it but i still cant shake it xxxx

0 likes, 16 replies

16 Replies

  • sima36062
    sima36062 gillian26312

    Edited

    Hey Gillian, I think it is very normal that you have anxiety after what has happened. We anxious people are the worst with guilt. Have you talked about this with your husband? Maybe discussing this will make you feel better. Also you did stop the kiss and did not let it get into something more. We tend to catastrophize everything which in turn makes us even more anxious. I am myself going trough a blip right now after being well for over a year and a half on 20mg citalopram. If 40mg helped why did you decide to lower the dose, did you feel like you were well enough? Did you do it slowly?

    • gillian26312
      gillian26312 sima36062

      Posted

      hi thanks so much for getting back to me. i think because i had felt so well for so long i thought i should lower the dose. i will never make that mistake again. i hope you are ok?

      yes I told my husband about it and explained i did stop it from going any further. he actually seems ok about it and explained he doesnt think i am a bad person etc. i just cant seem to let go of it and totally hate myself for letting it happen. i was so very drunk but i do know i stopped it as i knew i didnt want anything to happen xx

    • sima36062
      sima36062 gillian26312

      Edited

      Oh i definitely know the feeling of being so well and thinking like you don't need the medication anymore. I did the mistake of stopping the medication all together thinking im all good now. big mistake. I think if we are feeling good on a specific medication or dose we should just keep taking it. Alcohol makes me feel much worse so I decided to stop drinking. Did you have any blips while taking citalopram? Because I am thinking that this is what you are going trough now, just a blip.

    • gillian26312
      gillian26312 sima36062

      Posted

      yes possibly just a blip i hope. i thought i was over all of this but im right back to the feelings of dread and my head is on overdrive. i also suffer intrusive thoughts which is horrible. im hoping over the next week or two it settles its just so hard to make it go away.

      i an also off the alcohol as agree its much worse. sima after you stopped your meds how long did it take to get back to well again? xxx

    • sima36062
      sima36062 gillian26312

      Edited

      Oh i hate those feelings of dread and the intrusive thoughts are also bothering me a lot, they usually are not as bad when i am not feeling the anxiety but then when anxiety peaks i have the intrusive thoughts about all sort of strange things. When i stopped my meds initially i was okay for about 7 months and then anxiety started back up, even worse that the first time. I started the medication again doc put me on 20mg and second time round it took ages to work and the side effects were way more intense. But it did work again just took longer, i started noticing improvements about 8 to 9 weeks in.

    • gillian26312
      gillian26312 sima36062

      Posted

      i hope your doing ok. i only resuced my dose by half for just over a week. do you think that would affect me? i have been back on 40mg for nearly 3 weeks now xxx

  • jan34534
    jan34534 gillian26312

    Edited

    everybody makes mistakes. It’s how we deal with them that’s the important thing. You did the right thing by stopping it and telling your husband. That’s all you can possibly do. Don’t be so hard on yourself. You are a good person who made a mistake just like everybody else in this world. The past is gone it doesn’t exist anymore. The present is all we have and all that we live in. Don’t beat yourself up it’s not worth it. I understand what you’re saying but life is too short to live in the past and in past mistakes. Enjoy your life with your husband!

  • lisa215
    lisa215 gillian26312

    Edited

    Don't be so hard on yourself. We are all human and we all make mistakes. Don't let it push your recovery from anxiety back. I am suffering badly with anxiety just at the moment and its such an awful feeling. I am very isolated and its just me caring for my elderly mother. Make peace with yourself and enjoy your life with your husband. Take care x

    • gillian26312
      gillian26312 lisa215

      Posted

      Hi Lisa, thank you so much for your reply. I hope you are better soon. its the worst feeling ever. I hope you get some time for you xxxxxx

  • sasical72
    sasical72 gillian26312

    Edited

    As others have already said, we all make mistakes.

    But I would like to say something else... alcohol is really not good for people with anxiety and even worse if you are on medication, so my advice would be to not drink alcohol and that way you would also prevent mistakes that then make you feel bad, because you probably wouldn't have done it if sober.

    I'm not being judgemental here, I'm speaking from (a lot) of experience 😉

    • gillian26312
      gillian26312 sasical72

      Edited

      thank you so much for your reply. Yes i am totally off alcohol. I definately would not if i had been sober.

      im really trying to just forget about it but just dont seem to be able to. sometimes i think its all going to be ok then other times i feel dreadful and deeply depressed. i keep having these horrible thoughts and its as if my mind is trying to terrify me.

      i hope you are well and good and thanks again for the response

    • sasical72
      sasical72 gillian26312

      Edited

      When I get stuck on something I think to myself...if we consider the whole of my life or even the whole of the history of humanity, how important is this?

      I have done things much worse than you (ooops) and thought I would never forget them and with time you really do.

      You have to be aware that it's your anxiety working away here, so keep repeating to yourself, this is just my sneaky anxiety trying to make me feel bad and I won't!! we are all human and make mistakes.

    • gillian26312
      gillian26312 sasical72

      Posted

      thank you so much this really really helps.

      i cant wait until this is gone xxxx

  • athol91131
    athol91131 gillian26312

    Edited

    Always, always. always cut your meds very slowly, however great you are feeling. Drop them much slower than your doctor tells you (I have found this out by bad experience). Ignore whatever you are thinking, always drop it slowly.

    Also try to get some perspective, it was only a kiss and you told your husband about it. You didn't run off to Mexico with someone and leave your kids behind. We are all imperfect and are allowed to make small mistakes. Forgive yourself xxx

    • gillian26312
      gillian26312 athol91131

      Edited

      thank you so much for your response. do you think i may have relapsed by cutting the meds for that week? i am taking the 40mg every day again just praying to wake up feeling back to my normal self

      i hope you are well

      thanks

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