Is this really Selective Mutism??

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Hey. I'm a 16 year old girl who moved to Germany about a year ago and after feeling weird and different for my whole life and having some difficulties at school I decided to go to a psychiatrist here and get evaluated. What they told me according to what I said is that I have probably had a Selective Mutism and maybe depression and prescribed me Fluoxetine for it and also some therapy. I have been taking it for like 4 days now, but I can't help but wonder if the diagnosis was right.. (because I might have not said something important to them) So yeah, I'll share a bit of my story here, basically what is connected to my siagnosis. I have always had my 4-years older sister with me and we played and laughed a lot together. On my first week in kindergarden I didn't speak to anyone and then we moved to another village and I had to go to a different kindergarden. When I went there, I again spoke very rarely. I mostly stayed on my chair with my hands on my laps frozen and never initiated any conversation..When I wanted to go to the toilet I had some problems with that and I would wait for everyone to be gone (it was basically a toilet in the middle of a room and everyone was around you, how weird, right) and I wasn't sure how to ask for water when I was thirsty, so I often didn't drink water (but I still asked once). And I could relax more when there was one kid left and we did something like spin around or sth. In first grade I still didn't speak much, my mother would do the work. But after some time I eased more and spoke to a couple of kids. I have problems with raising up my hand in school now, even when I know it is right. I also feel like life is too much and I am also very irresponsible and distracted and just feel like killing myself. I told much of this to her, but still I feel like it's just not being very flexible and sometimes when I don't speak to somebody then I feel like I can never talk to him again so I start ignoring him. In my home back there it was hell going out because of all these people I have known as kid but wasn't sure how to greed or say hello to, so I stopped talking to them. Here I don't greed strangers. I feel cut off and kind of depressed when I don't talk for long periods of time at school, so I have made some changes, like sitting in the middle of two people instead of at the corner of the room like I used to at first. At home I procrastinate and I have never been consistent. We made an attention test also there and it showed my attention was very bad and so she said we may rule out later if I have ADD, but she said I had to be more impulsive for that. I feel weird and disconnected from my life and it may be due to anxiety, but at the same time I just don't care. Like, i am really not sure, you see..I just think I may have to work more on initiating conversations and on my self-confidence, which feels nearly impossible for me, since I am nothing. Is this perhaps a mild form of SM or?

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  • Posted

    Are you having problems with German Language, is that preventing you from asking questions or explaining your needs ? Am I getting this problem right or do you feel your German is poor and that is putting you back, 

    I do understand you have been in Germany since Kindergarden. Did you have problems there

    B.

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    • Posted

      Oh, no, I am here for more than a year now, about a year and three months and my German is indeed poor, but I can't motivate myself to do much about it which makes me feel even more helpless. Before a year ago I lived in a different country, but even there I had problems with speaking, did only so when comfortable or when called upon, and generally spoke quietly, and ignored some people and couldn't ask them questions even if I had to..But still I didn't feel like..much anxiety in doing so, but I didn't know what to say and when to say it so didn't say it. Otherwise when relaxed I can be very chatty and make a lot of jokes (stupid ones, but oh, well) and I ave always had problems with ordering food, it was uncomfortable..but when I did have to speak or simply spoke I felt somehow disconnected from it all, as if I wasn't there and it just feels so weird...But yeah, I don't think I have it, I just think it is hard for me to organise my thoughts and what I want to ask fast enough and then the moment is gone and then I stop asking questions...something like that..But i still talk to people when calm and comfortable with them..I just feel weird with other ppl and then I never make a connection with them..I don't like it but I am not sure how to change it, I feel like ppl hate me..

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    • Posted

      If you are having problems relating to German People around you, and you are uncertain how to respond to them you may withdraw into you home country language.

      I know in my past I have spent times abroad and had problems relating to people and explaining myself. Russian and Arabic, I would prefer to say nothing as my knowledge of their ways effected me and I felt inadiquate. That did my confidence in and just made me worse

      I learnt Spanish and did not practice it for several years, that seemed to have left me know as well.

      It must be awkward to learn in an other language for you, 

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