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Hey. I'm a 16 year old girl who moved to Germany about a year ago and after feeling weird and different for my whole life and having some difficulties at school I decided to go to a psychiatrist here and get evaluated. What they told me according to what I said is that I have probably had a Selective Mutism and maybe depression and prescribed me Fluoxetine for it and also some therapy. I have been taking it for like 4 days now, but I can't help but wonder if the diagnosis was right.. (because I might have not said something important to them) So yeah, I'll share a bit of my story here, basically what is connected to my siagnosis. I have always had my 4-years older sister with me and we played and laughed a lot together. On my first week in kindergarden I didn't speak to anyone and then we moved to another village and I had to go to a different kindergarden. When I went there, I again spoke very rarely. I mostly stayed on my chair with my hands on my laps frozen and never initiated any conversation..When I wanted to go to the toilet I had some problems with that and I would wait for everyone to be gone (it was basically a toilet in the middle of a room and everyone was around you, how weird, right) and I wasn't sure how to ask for water when I was thirsty, so I often didn't drink water (but I still asked once). And I could relax more when there was one kid left and we did something like spin around or sth. In first grade I still didn't speak much, my mother would do the work. But after some time I eased more and spoke to a couple of kids. I have problems with raising up my hand in school now, even when I know it is right. I also feel like life is too much and I am also very irresponsible and distracted and just feel like killing myself. I told much of this to her, but still I feel like it's just not being very flexible and sometimes when I don't speak to somebody then I feel like I can never talk to him again so I start ignoring him. In my home back there it was hell going out because of all these people I have known as kid but wasn't sure how to greed or say hello to, so I stopped talking to them. Here I don't greed strangers. I feel cut off and kind of depressed when I don't talk for long periods of time at school, so I have made some changes, like sitting in the middle of two people instead of at the corner of the room like I used to at first. At home I procrastinate and I have never been consistent. We made an attention test also there and it showed my attention was very bad and so she said we may rule out later if I have ADD, but she said I had to be more impulsive for that. I feel weird and disconnected from my life and it may be due to anxiety, but at the same time I just don't care. Like, i am really not sure, you see..I just think I may have to work more on initiating conversations and on my self-confidence, which feels nearly impossible for me, since I am nothing. Is this perhaps a mild form of SM or?
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