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Is this stress or MS?

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ccbloom
ccbloom

Hi, I am new to this and never used a forum before. My dad has MS, diagnosed about 20 years ago & is now in the secondary progressive stage. I have now convinced myself that I have it. I don't know if my symptoms are stress related or not, as I have been through a very stressful period recently, but I am finding myself in a constant battle with my mind and body and it is taking over my day to day life, despite seeing doctors about this.

The history - I am mid 30s, female, married with two young children, I work fulltime and have been studying too (although i have recently deferred my upcoming exam). I have been with my husband 12 years. We have had a very happy marriage, usual arguments but a lot of affection and love. About four months ago he was acting off, a close friend died at work, and he told me he was attracted to someone else at work and was not happy. Since that time we have been up and down trying to work through things but it has been a diffcult time. But he has always said he wants us to work things out & loves me. During this period, he talked about suicide a few times and also broke the law which was completely out of character for him. He was then diagnosed with depression, had a course of counselling and was prescribed anti depressants.

Weeks passed but things were not right, he eventually said he feels numb, not sure what he wants anymore & didn't want to string me along or make promises he cannot keep etc, so a few weeks ago I asked him to move out and he has gone to live at his brothers. I see him often because of the children but it was confusing as he would still come and spend time with me like a couple (not sexual just watching tv etc), but still not able to tell me what he wants. Last weekend I suggested a proper seperation where we only see each other when needed due to kids, don't talk about us, and agree a date in the new year to see how we both feel once we have had headspace. I was a little concerned last week because he has also now said he doesnt feel like he has missed our kids, and they are his world ordinarily, this has made me realise he is in a very bad place, but think we still need the space from each other as we seem to be going round in circles.

I love him and it has broken my heart but it was getting too much seeing him everyday not knowing if he really wanted to be there. I want to support him in his illness but he has betrayed my trust already and if he is then questioning his feelings for me I am not sure how to support him. I feel like he is a different person and when I think about the memories we have together and the plans we had made for the future it makes me so sad that I don't know how to help him. I should also add that just before all this started, we were due to move to a new bigger family home and were very close to exchanging contracts I had even started buying things for the new house, so I have also had to deal with the solicitors and pull out of our purchase and sale etc (I always deal with finances/paperwork in our relationship)

So I guess as an aside one of my questions is has anyone lived with someone with depression, have I done the right thing, should I have given him more support and allowed him to stay at home?

Anyway the day before he moved out I went to the doctors after being fed up trying to cope with everything while still working and studying (my work performance has been really bad during these last few months) and she signed me off for two weeks. That night I had a very bad dizzy spell which lasted all evening. I do not suffer with dizzy spells or headache ordinarily. This is when the seed was initially planted and I thought it might be MS. I guess the fact that my dad has it maybe this is why I thought about that first and foremost? I had a brief half hour dizzy spell the following day then nothing for about 5 days. On the fifth day in the evening I just felt like my right arm felt 'funny', I was more conscious of it. And then I had a muscle twitch in my thigh which lasted all through the night into the next day. I made the mistake of googling stuff when I got into bed and scared myself and stayed awake all night convinced I knew what it was. I am not a person to visit the doctors often but found myself back there again. She said her gut instinct was stress, and said it was still rare I would have it even with my dad having it. But she said she didnt want to fob me off so asked me to keep a track of any further symptoms.

I bumbled along for the next week or so, reassuring myself one minute, worrying the next. One day my left foot felt odd, and the next day my right hand or arm would feel weak. I made probably a mistake googling 'can ms cause heavy limbs'? which obviously it can...... I ended up going back to the doctors a week or so later and seeing someone different this time. He again said he doesnt think it is MS & told me to concentrate on my family, work etc. Easier said than done when you are alone at night with your own worst enemy in your head. Anyway he made me feel more reassured than the first doctor so I came away thinking 'right this is it, I am going to stop worrying now'. (He did also suggest counselling or cbt which I have emailed my manager about accessing via work.) He told me that he has two patients who have convinced themselves for 20 years that they have MS, but don't, and it has ruined their lives, I don't want to be one of those people.

Over the weekend I was ok, but heavy arm or leg has persisted on and off, but nothing that has stopped me in my tracks or prevented me from doing anything. Then a couple of days ago I noticed a sensation like a couple of pin pricks in my hand. The more I focussed on it the worse it seemed to get and by the evening I had a few in my leg too. I slept ok that night, so nothing painful or disturbing enough to affect my sleep, but when I got up yesterday I still had it. I have an hour long drive to work, and it is all I could think about. It was hit and miss throughout the day. Last night I went to the gym as I have not been for four weeks and hoped the exercise would help, it didnt as I still thought about it when I was exercising - and during my evening I got so upset about it and my hands felt like they were burning and itching. I had a talk to myself to calm down, watched a favourite programme to try and distract me and by the time I went to bed it was much better and I managed to sleep, albeit with the TV on.

Today they have not been bad & barely felt anything at all this morning, but now it is getting worse again as the day goes on.

My friends and family keep telling me it is all stress related and that the stress has to come out somewhere. But I have always been so rational and never felt much in the form of aches and pains, that I am finding it hard to believe. I also appreciate that I have had two medical opinions but I do know that MS is hard to disgnose and the first doctor even said she couldn't tell me for certain it wasn't.

I don't know what I am expecting anyone on here to say, I know nobody can be certain. I am sorry if people feel like I am being dramatic or over the top, thats really not in my nature, this is really taking over my life and I don't know who I am anymore. I know there are people living with very real and more serious symptoms of this illness, I do not want to make light of that, I know first hand what the disease is like due to my dad. But I just feel like I cannot plan for my future or look forward to it, or concentrate on my children, or make christmas nice for them. I feel so pathetic, as I have always been very organised and quite a positive person in general.

Maybe I should go back to the doctors but I think I should wait and see what happens with my symptoms? I guess I don't believe the people close to me, or not for long, because ultimately I know they do not want me to have it, so they would not allow themselves to think I had anyway, especially my mum who has cared for my dad all these years.

I guess my questions are:

Can stress really do all this? Does it sound like MS or would the symptoms last for longer, not move around as quick, be accompanied by others? I have been having a stressful time but haven't felt all that stressed on the surface? Surely you cannot 'bring on' physical symptoms? How do I accept that for the time being I will probably not know for certain one way or the other and how do I function daily in the meantime? (appreciate the counselling/cbt I am hoping to get will help with this)

I know this is very long so I really appreciate anybody that reads and responds, thank you.

0 likes, 8 replies

8 Replies

  • Taajsgpm
    Taajsgpm ccbloom

    Posted

    I think your OK, the window s for MS are late 20's and early 40s, so your OK there. You can try two things , take a very hot bath , if you have a terrible reaction , you might have MS, if you don't , then you dont have it., ALso get an MRI , it will show lesions on your brain and a doctor can then properly diagnose you , good luck 
    • ccbloom
      ccbloom Taajsgpm

      Posted

      Hi Taajsgpm, i really appreciate you taking the time to reply to me thank you. Yes I had read that about heat and i know my dad used to get wiped out by a bath and had to have them very cool. I have a bath most nights and have noticed no effects from this just a little tired as expected after a relaxing bath. I have noticed the stabbing feelings I got seemed to get worse when I talked about them to my colleague at work today.  The doctor said I am not presenting enough symptoms to warrant neurological investigation, which made me feel like I was being silly, but you know how your mind runs away with you when youre alone especially. My dad was diagnosed at my age so maybe subconsciously thats worrying me. And the fact I am facing uncertainty with my marriage/future. Thanks again. Take care.
  • lando60327
    lando60327 ccbloom

    Posted

    Hello,

    I realise this is an old post but I wondered if you ever got to the bottom of your issues? I hope you are ok now.

    I'm having strikingly similar symptoms to you after months of extreme anxiety which hasn't really gone away.

    An update would be appreciated.

    Thanks.

    • ccbloom
      ccbloom lando60327

      Posted

      Hi lando. I am sorry to hear you are going through a hard time. Yes I am OK now thank you. Nothing further came of my symptoms and I am hoping it stays that way. Unfortunately I don't have any great tips on how I got through it. I just carried on with life the best I could and over time I worried about it less. I guess because the symptoms never got any worse and didn't seem to persist I became more relaxed and assured that there wasn't anything seriously wrong. Looking back I think I was projecting the anxiety over the breakdown of my marriage onto something else. Have you been to see a doctor about your symptoms? I think I was fortunate in that my anxiety was not at an extreme level so maybe I found it easier to distract myself from what I was feeling and re-train my brain to focus on other things. If you have been suffering from extreme anxiety I appreciate I may not fully know what you are going through. You may feel that your anxiety is improved and so wonder why your symptoms persist. But I think the brain is a funny thing. Perhaps outwardly you are much better but I guess subconsciously you could still be anxious and thus focusing on the symptoms still. I used to listen to a mindfulness exercise when I went to bed. That helped. I also spoke to lots of friends about my fears. They helped to keep things on perspective for me. And I stopped looking on the Internet for my symptoms, I found that no good came from it and it only served to fuel my fears. I am not sure if any of this will help you, but I felt I really wanted to reply because I know what an awful time it was for me and I really hope you find a way through this. I would also like to add that my husband and I never reconciled and are fully separated now. The only reason I say this is to illustrate that although the inital "problem" did not resolve itself as I had hoped, I still managed to get through it somehow and today i find myself pretty content and happy 90% of the time. I guess to show that time makes a huge difference, and that no matter how you feel right now,.you may feel completely different in a few months, so don't give up hope. Take care and I wish you all the best. Cc xx
    • lando60327
      lando60327 ccbloom

      Posted

      Hi CC,

      Thank you so much for responding. I cannot tell you how much your reply has hit home and reassured me. Reading your post it feels as though you knew every question I wanted to ask and answered them accordingly.

      I am so happy that you have managed to fight your way through this and come out of the other side. I hope I will do so, too.

      Like you I am a rational, logical person, but this period has knocked me for six. It all began over a health scare (bowel cancer) which took around 6 months to negate. Over this time I was a shell of myself and have experienced many weird and worrisome symptoms, the vast majority of which my doctors have suggested are anxiety related. (The nature of my Dr's surgery means I have seen at least 6 different GP's over this time for the same issue, which reassures when they all believe it is anxiety.)

      I have to agree that Google is the worst thing to turn to whenever you have any kind of symptom as it will convince you that you have a serious ailment every time, and this has definitely had a significant contribution to my anxiety levels.

      I had a colonoscopy which didn't find any cancer but did diagnose a lesser, yet still significant, disease. Because I never received an 'all clear' I do feel this is causing me on-going, lesser anxiety which may be causing the myriad of symptoms I experience on and off. (This underlines what you have said about subconsciously focusing on the symptoms.) Whenever I am distracted I tend not to have any issues, but as you said - when you're alone with your thoughts it is difficult to fight with your own mind.

      Thank you once again.

      - Lando.

  • lisalisa67
    lisalisa67 ccbloom

    Posted

    You are under a ton of stress with a lot going on. Go to a new doctor and start again without venting about anything, just state your father had MS and you get strange symptoms. Keep it impersonal and straightforward. You want a referal to a nuerologist. Then In terms of the MS if you go to a nuerologist who specializes in MS note your family history and request to be scanned. I would do  that no matter what and i believe a nuero doctor would based on your family history. Then you can get therapy for the stressful life situations you are in. I am very surprised anyone. Or any doctor would not examine you and give you an mri. It might be how you present. If you go and vent out all the issues and start talking your family crisis it will confuse a doctor and they will feel your stressed out, the presentation of your mannerism and such is i think whats making these doctors say no. Maybe be a bit firmer and just say its in my family and i have off symptoms my father was my age at his diagnosis and i want a scan to be sure i am okay. Its that cut and dry.If its stress then you will do what needs to be done but a mri is a better way to Determine what avenue to seek. No doctor gets to tell you their gut feeling, you dont care about their gut you want a mri scan and then that will end that concern.MS can be diagnosed at any age after 21. Usually around 20-30 its intense enough that they are diagnosed. Sometimes its hard to diagnose it so they scan for lesions on the brain. I have had it done myself due to physical findings  with an optic nerve, but thankfully it was not, but the doctors made me get scanned, nothing to do with stress though.an opthamologist actually sent me.  You have every right to want a scan to be honest. I feel you are correct in getting a scan. The other half of this is anxiety can be debilitating. Period. Read through this forum and youll see that. You should not have to have this concern always playing in the back of your mind. 
  • arnold34860
    arnold34860 ccbloom

    Posted

    Okay ive been convinxig myself that i have ms but i came across your story and it deeply saddens me. It seems as to be as antidepressants ruined your marriage. Your husband said he felt numb... That's exactly what antidepressants are supposed to do. That's what they are made for. Antidepressants have people walking around like zombies with no feelings. It really hurts me that it got in between your marriage and your husbands relationship with you kids..... Antidepressants are always a big no no. There's a reason that suicide is a side effect.. It makes you not care ir have feelings about anything.
    • llbenn
      llbenn arnold34860

      Posted

      That is absolutely not true. Antidepressants do not do that. I know personally. They take your heightened negative emotions and level them out. I used to be angry, vindictive, irrational and overly emotional. Now I'm a "normal" person.

      I can still get angry, sad or have a flip out session lol, but it takes more to get me to that point. Anti anxiety/depressants can be wonderful lure changing drugs!

      Her husband sounds like he was having a mid life crisis and was very lost with what to do.

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