is this stupid peoples?

Hi i am new to this sort of self help stuff and have always brushed my issues off as being lazy but its time to find out once and for all.

This may sound stupid so be kind if it is coz its hard enough writing it down even if it is to strangers. So most of my life from when I remember being a nice from the age of around 8-9 till now the ripe old age of 28 I have always been interested in trying so many new hobbies etc. The thing is I have always found it just as satisfying if not more so by idly staying in my room thinking about doing the things rather than doing them. I've always put it down to laziness but I was in the army for four years and loved doing pt and was always at a high level of fitness. I thought I once heard of a mental illness/issue that was the same but can't think when or where or if I'm making it up I have spent practically 20 years accepting it but just recently i have started on a journey to delve back into my last and clear up all the things I have struggled with and kept quiet. The school yard to the army barracks aren't exactly the easiest places to bring these things up although they encourage it you don't want to make out as if your mad and have people treat you different especially when you struggle for confidence and have history of mild depression. I definitely have given up for the past 20 years on accepting any help after school out my behavioural issues down to depression and put me on these pills that did me no good not even as a placebo. I have struggled for a long time with what is normal and what is not and if I need help or pills but only now have decided to stop fannying around and let it play so much on my mind and my life. This is turning into a bit of a rant but I haven't delay with a lot of stuff that has always led me to do loads of drugs and drink to excess and generally go from one addiction to the other to deal with my problems that probably could have been dealt with through talking as a fifteen year old school kid. Now I'm 28 almost 29 I guess its time to admit defeat and ask around as to what the best course of action is but being the age I am now is harder to accept and admit that I could have mental health problems. I'll get over the embarrassment soon as I have come this far and really want to make the next 20 years full of things I actually want to do instead of just lie thinking about. That is the main one I am wondering about as lying thinking about the things and getting the satisfaction without the failure or embarrassment is getting to me coz I have tried so many things oover the years from basic mechanics to farming and various hobbies that I have been happier to do in my mind which sounds mad but is there something behind that or just pure laziness? I get that fear of failing and being anxious is part of it but that shouldn't stop me wanting to try rather than getting actual satisfaction out of it the thought of doing it and t

How good I can make myself believe. Reading that makes me sound mental so please don't be too harsh as its a big step even getting this far. The this g with all the depression and things that as a kid its the norm these days and people use it as a crutch. I have a few friends with diagnosed issues like bipolar that the use to the extreme as to not be normal when it suits them and I don't want to put a label on myself just coz of having some drama that I have never really gone into from my childhood. Just chose to accept it and get off my face which has also made me paranoid to the point of psychosis sometimes but it comes and goes and hasn't been bad since I stepped away from the circle and friends I was keeping.  The main reason I am finally getting to this point Of admitting something is wrong is because I have met this amazing girl who im living with and dont wamt to be the easily moody dick that cant explain why to her amd push her away. If anyone can give me some sound advice on the issues I have never dealt with or even the best next step which I guess is seeing a doctor or just telling me I'm being stupid and to get a grip would be best and the first option would make it very real and a bit scary as the pills from when I was a kid made it worse and finding a doctor who won't judge or laugh or tell me its all in my head. This is the first step and a big one for me as I have pushed away family who have always known something isn't right but never wanted to accept that I was wrong or seriously messed up. Anyway thanks for the rant I feel better hoping to get some serious responses as to much banter might make me question this while process and don't want to spend another twenty odd years being miserable and losing my .issus would suck. Done thanks again

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