Isolation, loneliness with alcohol

Posted , 9 users are following.

Hi lovely people, 

I have been drinking a long time, all throughout my adult life, now aged 40, this last 10-12 years have been the worst. I have worked all my life but recently went on sick leave, subsequently handing in my notice two months later. Stress related, unable to handle the job, coupled with my evening drinking.

I've isolated myself for years, found a friend last year, leading to affection, didn't last too long as I was too keen. So relieved to find happiness that I was wanting too much too quickly.

6 months on, it's all I can think about and care about - that particular connection. No other part of my life seems to matter. 

The severity of my drinking has led me to a program via the NHS for alcohol recovery, which I am so grateful for. I can't seem to slowly ween myself off though. Will power, lack of discipline perhaps - I just can't see a glimmer of imagination/hope for the future. Stuck in a moment that made me feel alive. I can't imagine what it would feel like, maybe different if I were sober for a period of time. Not necessarily succeeding but active, maybe I would learn to live with the loss - or feel better within myself however hard it is. 

This doesn't compare to other people, I truly recognise how lucky I am - but I've been on my own for 20 years - all through my adult life and did not expect this mind/emotionally reaction to lose someone that I was never really with.

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  • Posted

    HI Robert,

    I responded to your messages only a few hours ago and I guess your plea for help moved something deeply in me. I don't know anymore, after surviving the dreadful long weekend without any major hiccups, I also feel so extremely lonely this evening. I guess it will pass again, but these are the triggers for me to drink more. Like literally drown the loneliness. I have everything going for me. Surrounded by loving dogs, good job, great kids and still I feel lonely because I have no one to talk to. 

    You are not alone in your situation. 

    Hugs CK

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    • Posted

      Hi CK,

      Thank you so much for the replies, I am pleased you got through the long weekend but sorry today is hard. Please excuse my turn of phrase, I am not feeling too articulate at the moment.

      That's great to hear about the dogs and kids, although I can understand the loneliness.

      Your reply was full of wisdom, which I will reread later and tomorrow morning to remind myself of the clarity from another.

      I've been with spectrum, drug and alcohol recovery service just a couple of weeks now, the one thing they have asked for - setting myself a limit of drinks per day, I haven't adhered too. Some days better than others, but it's toxic, my thinking that is, as well as the consumption. So many positives but I'm in a cloudy place full of confusion, sadness, obsession and addiction.

      Having said that, all the wonderful replies on here are so succinct and accurate. Need to now 'walk the walk'.

      Thank you again, keep in touch and you aren't alone either 😀

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  • Posted

    Robert, as you seem to be having a hard time with the traditional approach, I can heartily recommend something called The Sinclair Method (TSM). It involves taking a pill an hour or so before you drink and it begins moving the addiction in reverse. There is no denying yourself a drink, but you will drink less and less because you honestly want less and less. Generally, what's offered is called Nalmefene although some NHS areas offer Naltrexone (which is easier to get along with). 

    If you google:

    Claudia Christian TEDx

    you'll see a video of Claudia delivering a talk at the London Business School. That will give you a good idea of what TSM is about. 

    The C3Foundation Europe has some information that can help you navigate the NHS hoops. See The Sinclair Method heading on this page:

    https://patient.info/forums/discuss/useful-resources-487627

    You'll also see posts here by others that have used The Sinclair Method. I myself cut my drinking by over 95% with it and spend considerable time letting people know it's a very effective alternative to the traditional treatments. The success rate is about 80%, so it's well worth investigating. 

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  • Posted

    I am so grateful for all replies today, thank you all. I'm scared of what I face without the cloud alcohol gives me. It's not an excuse to carry on the way it is, I don't know what I face afterwards, therapy, really looking at the reality of everything- face up and step up is the only answer

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    • Posted

      Hi Robert

      I have only just come in on this discussion but you have had some great replies and words of support Take a note of ADEfree's suggestion , listen to Claudia Christian and read some of the info he has suggested . I stumbled across this site many months ago know and it was here I discovered the Sinclair method .It is so so worth considering as it really does work if followed correctly. You will find so much support on here to see you through.Solitary drinking is a too lonely place to be for any of us

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  • Posted

    Early stages with research of TSM, personally for me I am not sure it addresses the underlying reason why I drink. This is not meant to be dismiss whatsoever, and it's only early for me. But I take a pill, I understand what is does. Like after dinner I never feel like drinking. But the mind swarms with something a pill alone cannot wave a wand. I am not being dismissive, psychologically today, I have spent time with a family member who is negative to all suggestions and advice, I know how this will come across 

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    • Posted

      Ah, you may be a hunger-drinker like me. Well, TSM will bring your drinking down bit by bit, so there will be time to adjust. Can't hurt to work on the psychological aspect of it along side the medical treatment. Often, if you don't treat the one, it will derail treatment for the other. 

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