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Hi lovely people,
I have been drinking a long time, all throughout my adult life, now aged 40, this last 10-12 years have been the worst. I have worked all my life but recently went on sick leave, subsequently handing in my notice two months later. Stress related, unable to handle the job, coupled with my evening drinking.
I've isolated myself for years, found a friend last year, leading to affection, didn't last too long as I was too keen. So relieved to find happiness that I was wanting too much too quickly.
6 months on, it's all I can think about and care about - that particular connection. No other part of my life seems to matter.
The severity of my drinking has led me to a program via the NHS for alcohol recovery, which I am so grateful for. I can't seem to slowly ween myself off though. Will power, lack of discipline perhaps - I just can't see a glimmer of imagination/hope for the future. Stuck in a moment that made me feel alive. I can't imagine what it would feel like, maybe different if I were sober for a period of time. Not necessarily succeeding but active, maybe I would learn to live with the loss - or feel better within myself however hard it is.
This doesn't compare to other people, I truly recognise how lucky I am - but I've been on my own for 20 years - all through my adult life and did not expect this mind/emotionally reaction to lose someone that I was never really with.
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