It's a bad day!

Posted , 3 users are following.

Hi all 🤗

It's been such a bad day! I feel so sorry for everyone around me, I've tried to pretend I'm ok today and had a few drinks to get in the right frame that people expect! Unfortunately it's backfired! I've sneaked out of my stepdaughters house, via the garden gate, come home and broke down!

Within an hour or so, my husband and 25 yr old son came home worried about me, but I made them go back to the party, saying I'd feel better!

But I don't feel better, in fact I tore open a razor and shredded my leg! That made me feel better and I kind of had an out of body experience before falling asleep!

I've just woke up and stripped the bed and put the bloody sheets into wash and had a shower!

Unbeknown to me, my son is asleep on the settee, and I'm now waiting for my husband to come home and say "f*** this, I've had enough"

There's nothing anyone can say on here, but I just needed to let it out, if people around me know how crap I'm feeling and voice it, I'm frightened of what they'll say!

Sorry for being such a missery 😔

2 likes, 13 replies

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13 Replies

  • Posted

    Bless you belinda

    you are not a misery, you are unwell, there's a big difference. ♥

    It's so hard when we have to try and put on an act to please others around us.

    have you tried talking to your husband openly and honestly in how you are feeling? Hurting yourself is further punishing yourself, do you know the reason behind this? I am not going to tell you the obvious eg speak with your doc. But you need to sit down and piece together why you are feeling so unwell. Are you taking any antidepressants? If so do they give you any relief? Belinda don't leave things undressed, whether it's speaking with your doctor to get you feeling a bit better, or having that discussion with your husband. Perhaps he is finding your behaviour hard to understand, and taking it personally. You need him to understand you are unwell and that you are going to do all you can to help yourself get better. I really feel for you as it's a tall order to get others to understand ill health when they cannot see it physically. Nevertheless it's so important to try and explain it belinda.

    Here for you, hope you didn't hurt your leg too badly xx

    god bless x

     

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    • Posted

      Thank you for not judging, I'm struggling so much to control how I feel!

      My GP recently stopped my venlafaxine due to high blood pressure and the fact it wasn't working anymore, I went through withdrawals and now on mirtazapine, I also have an appointment on Tuesday with Psychiatrst! I've been fighting depression all my life and am so hyper sensitive to people around me and how I affect them, it's unbearable! Hence the cutting I think! As a child I used to scrape my thighs and hit them with a pomme stone until they bleed or bruise and stick sewing needles through the skin of my fingers! I just hate depression and pretending I'm the life n soul 😔

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    • Posted

      Hi belinda

      depression is a torturous illness for sure! I'm three weeks on mirtazipine and it's been my life saver! Really hope it helps you in the same way it's helping me xxx

      god bless xxx

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  • Posted

    Get yourself to the doctor.  After 15 years I am only now getting the help I need and I feel so much better having the right people to talk to.  Even although you might not feel like it It is better to say how you feel.  I found that the reason I felt so miserable is because I never had the right people to talk to and now after saying how I feel It has helped me so much better. xxxxx
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  • Posted

    Hi Belinda

    Like the others said, you are not a misery and I'm glad you posted here with your troubles.  I'm sending you lots of virtual {{{{{hugz}}}}} down the web.  I'm bipolar II with anxiety so have some idea of how you are feeling.  I once spent a Christmas day on my own having had my daughters taken off me and felt so useless to the world that I just wanted to drink myself to death, but fortunately I passed out before that was possible.  There is light at the end of the tunnell and talking to people, both here and in your family, is the beginning of that.  I've never cut myself in the way you describe but what I do do, and I've never admitted this to anyone else before, is that I have allergic skin conditions and I scratch and pick at my scabs until I bleed and then strangely when I've cleaned up the mess after I feel, better, so can relate to what you describe.  I've never told anyone this before so I hope you don't mind me sharing this on your thread.  You are very precious to eveyryone and I pray that you find the strenght to go on.  I don't know if you believe in God, but I do, I never push my opinons on others, but I am praying for you toinight, I hope you don't mind.

    Love

    Lizzie  xxx

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    • Posted

      Thank you Lizzie, and good on ya for sharing the secret! It sounds so silly, what we do and how we think! I appreciate someone saying, hey, I know where you're coming from, it's ok!

      Sending big hugs back xxx

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    • Posted

      Hi Belinda

      Great to get up this morning to your message, I hope you feel a bit better, I'll always reply to your posts on this thread so if you ever need a word of encouragement from soemone who can relate to what you are going through just post here.  I also have probelms with alchohol and have signed up for the Dry January challenge run by Alchohol Concern, I've actually started already and so far so good, from what I read the benefits could be enourmous if I stick with it, both physically and mentally.

      Lots of Love

      Lizzie xxx

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    • Posted

      Thanks Lizzie!

      Well done with the dry January run, does that mean no drinking throughout January AND a run afterwards? Sorry, I'm confused 😊

      Thanks for your reply, it came across so bright n cheerful that I actually stopped snivelling for a minute! 😏

      Getting a bit nervous, been up all night, got Psychiatrst appt in a couple of hours and I'm not sure I'll be able to stay very calm! 😟

      I have a bit of an issue with drink too, when I start I can't stop, love feeling invincible and making people laugh at stupid antics I get up too! 😳😂

      Big hug xx

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    • Posted

      Hi Belinda

      The challenge is offically for January only but about 4% of people go on to stay off the booze completely, I asim to be one of that 4%.  I've been battling it for years.

      I'm glad my reply cheered you up and good luck with your appointment today, I'll be thinking about you all day wishing you the very best.  

      Lots of love

      LIzzie :-)

       

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    • Posted

      Hi Lizzie 😉 Well I'm still here! Sorry I didn't reply earlier, I wasn't great! 😏

      The hospital have taken bloods to rule out anything physical, cushins syndrome, thyroid, cancer, bone and a full blood test, so I'm being given a full mot!

      I'm to continue on 15mg mirtazapine and they're going to add trazadone or something else to it, that I can't remember at the moment!

      They're also sending someone round to my home on a daily basis short term to monitor how the new meds work as they're worried about the high blood pressure and glaucoma side of things as well as my stability!

      My husband asked to come in with me, so he's got the full picture now and is being as supportive as he can be, although there's nothing he can do, it helps me to know he has an understanding of what to expect with both the withdrawal from venlafaxine and unipolar itself 😊

      Although I'm in a bad place at the moment, I know that I'm back on the right road to sorting myself out and getting stable, but I also know it's still going to be a struggle as it always has been 😏

      Thank you for being here Lizzie, I hope I get to return the favour should the need arise, although I hope you don't relapse 😳

      Big virtual hugs

      Much luv

      Belinda xxx

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    • Posted

      Hi Belinda

      Great hear from you and that your support team are taking your seriously, thats really important and will help.

      I had soem good news in my inbox when I got up this morning: An old friend who I see very occasionally and keep in touch by email has offered to buddy up with me on the Dry January challenge and give up the booze with me, I'm so pleased as all my other firends have pointedly ignored my adoption of this challenge.  I am very disillusioned with face book as if I post funny pictures of animals I get loads of likes, but if I post anything importnat like this, I get ignored.  My cousin is on my side too as she gave up the booze years ago, so thats two people backing me up.  I live with my mum who is 91 but I'm not involving her in this as I don't think sahe could handle it if she knew how much I'd been drinking before.

      Sending you my very best wishes

      Lizzie xxx

       

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    • Posted

      Oh that's good news, having a buddy! That'll make things a bit easier having someone in the same boat to support and encourage each other 😊

      I know what you mean about Facebook, I've only got some family members and a couple of friends on there and I only post positive stuff on it, they'd probably freak out if I put half the stuff on there that I'm thinking or links that I think appropriate for me 😂

      Keep us up to date with how you get on with your dry run, here if you want extra support 👍👍

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