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I just want to say thank you again for all your support.
I got the reply letter (the second) from the Chief Exec re my complaint on Friday afternoon. I am still not happy, but slowly, when pushed, they are admitting their errors and the appalling way I have been treated. As I go into hospital on Tuesday, I have decided to respond after I come out, I really don't need the stress and strain now. Being a cynic I think they timed it that way, because they knew it would be the case. I'll have the surgery, then see where we go from there. The goal was always to have successful surgery, which will be measured in terms of my recovery.
I had asked them for a copy of the referal letter that they had received from the Consultant I saw at my local hospital, which I received. It had a history of what had happened at the 2 appointments, my MRI results and their opinion and clinically it made very grim reading. It was only because periodically it mentioned my name that I could get my head around the fact it related to me at all. That this was my body that was falling apart. So much of what was going on back then (April/May) I had forgotten about. I have PTSD anyway and I know I compartmentalise things, obviously I had done with this. It was a massive wake up call to me. I know that I would be in deep deep trouble without the meds, I have been so lucky they worked so well. Reading about the times I had physically collapsed because of the pain, the time I ended up carted off by the police to a mental hospital in handcuffs because of the pain/panic/hyperventilating cycles that went on and on, and the time I was taken to A&E in shock from the pain and suffering from exhaustion was just horrible. And all that is still there...all the problems with my spine, all the pain that literally had me out my head, all the 'pain meets numbness' mobility problems are all still there, just masked by the medication. It's quite overwhelming really. And the journey isn't yet over. I still have to face the op. Incredibly, this time next week I'll probably be home again. Wow. I just hope and pray that it works and that without these meds I don't end up back where I was earlier this year. They want me to take them into hospital with me when I go and hand them over. I won't. I need a back up!!! Just in case!!!
And now to bed, not that I expect to get much sleep. Tomorrow (er, actually today now!) is my last day at work before the op and I have 1001 things to do. I'll settle for getting 5 done!!!
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