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It's not getting any better and i don't know what to do now

Posted , 3 users are following.

JaredC
JaredC

Hi, i'm 18, male. About a year ago i was having problems with anxiety due to high school being over, going to post secondary, and other typical highschool drama. By the time i graduated these feelings still didn't relieve themselves so i went to see a doctor. At the time i did not have a family doctor, so i went to a clinic, where the doctor there refered me to a pediatrician. I talked with the pediatrician and she was not willing to start me on any type of medication for my moods and unability to sleep for days to week, because at the time i was 17. I never went back to the pediatrician because i thought that there was not a point considering i was pretty much under the impression that i wasn't sick enough.

My school has commencement in the following september of the school year (for what reason? i don't know.) So while i was sitting watching all my peers walk the stage i completely lost it emotionally but i didnt show it. On my way home is when i drove through not one, but two red lights hoping that i would get hit, but i didn't.

Around that time is when i got a family doctor and started talking to him and he started me on cymbalta 30mg/p day. It was fine and for a while it was getting better, probably just because i finally got something for it. When i was thirty-something days in i felt like i was riding a big high. I was going to school, i wanted to be a personal trainer or maybe even a gym teacher, buy a house, a dog, have a relationship. On my 41st day i crashed hard. Like HARD. i didn't leave my room except to maybe make food and go to the washroom, and it was like this for a week. It got bad to the point where i went to 4 different stores to buy tylenol and i was going to take them and end it. after buying the pills i couldn't even look at a bottle. I stopped taking cymbalta because i thought it was the reason i was feeling this way. then about a month and a half go by and all that i could think about was how i wanted to die.

Now I feel how i felt right before i graduated, but it  got worse and worse until i finally went and spoke to my doctor. He started me on zoloft 50mg/p day, and advised me to see a psychologist and talk about my problems. Instead of a psycologist i opened up to my History teacher from highschool and told him about how i was feeling and my attempts. But ever since then i can't bring myself to be around him, because i've never been that open and i did it sort of impusively.

But the thing thats weird now it that i just feel empty. I don't feel bothered about anything, just void, so even i wanted to talk i don't know what about. I'm also scared that i might be bipolar and the SSRI's make it worse, but i'm afraid to bring it up with a doctor because it seems (to me that it would look like i'm trying to force him to give me something i can abuse.) Also i've been taking gravol to sleep started 2-4 per night but now i take 8-15 a night to sleep and i still dont get a full eight hours( i think i might have an addiction to them). I'm 17 days into zoloft and all its done for me is give me the worst stomach aches and headaches.

So really i guess i'm just looking for a little guidance. I think i want to get better but 70% im just too far gone and lost to get help.

Help please sad

1 like, 3 replies

3 Replies

  • Tancam
    Tancam JaredC

    Posted

    You are not too far gone - nobody is! 'Too far gone' is a state of mind - not a state of action.

    You're trying the meds, you've spoken to people.. If none of that helps then let's put it this way: You have a self persevasion and an instinct to live but you don't yet know how.

    The pain and confusion that you feel is real and I, for one, admire that you are trying to get help. The real help lies within you and, with that comes being easy on yourself. Take some time out. Accept things for what they are at the moment. They will not always be this way. If you can't sleep: get up and watch a film, read a book, write down a memory...

    If you can't focus on school or work: Take a few days off.

    Jared01868 - please try to be kind to yourself - there will be a time when you'll get to the bottom of what really is bothering you

  • linda66990
    linda66990 JaredC

    Posted

    Hi Jared,

    You are not alone. Many people have these feelings and you have to be patient to find the right doctor. As far as medication, be careful when quitting abruptly, if possible try to wean because it can cause anxiety and depression.  I experienced depression as a teen and anxiety when I was 44.  Now, I'm 63 and I don't have either and I don't take any meds.  Meds are needed sometimes so don't be afraid to ask for them an don't be afraid to tell the doctor if they are causing side effects.  Read up on the side effects so you can be aware. Different drugs work differently on people.  A few things that will help naturally are: eliminate sugar and caffeine, eat protein at each meal, eat more fruits and vegetables, avoid processed food.  Learn to meditate, meditate everyday for 20 minutes.  Exercise for 30 minutes everyday.  Avoid stress.  Get enough sleep.  Set goals.  In hindsight, these things sound simple, but they are key in eliminating anxiety and depression. There is hope for you to know and feel bliss. I am here for you. Take one step at a time.

  • JaredC
    JaredC

    Posted

    thank you both.
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