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6 months ago I reached out to counselor to help me following a break up from my wife. I came home blind drunk and I was abusive towards her. She rightly packed her bags and left. The feelings of guilt and shame haunted me to the point of planning suicide. I said a few Goodbys to people in a way they never knew. I called the Samaritan hotline and stayed another day. Following my sessions with a counselor we agreed after 4 sessions I was suffering from depression and anxiety. I was unaware that I was for quite a lot of my adult life. I went to my GP and was given citaloparam after a couple of weeks I felt the medication working. I began to move on with my life and I never told my wife what was going on with me as she deserved to move on with her life. Several months later after me helping my wife with family issues of hers we began to talk about things. I explained whatbhad happened and after meeting a few times she understood. We have slowly been building a bit of a relationship again. I spent Christmas at her new house with her and my daughter as her bday is Xmas eve also. My wedding anniversary on 31st December. Myself and my wife spoke recently of a reconsolidation. However she very quickly decided via text message this was notnnot what wanted. I have been in a very fast downward spiral and I am drowning very quickly. I have contacted my counselor again and have an appointment for Friday next week. Iv been in my bed all day and inam going through a really really hard time right now. My energy is gone. My house is a mess. I look a mess iv no intention of going to work tomorrow and I can't face what's outside of my bedroom door. Its been a while since ib had a day like this and its really hit me hard. Dark thought are running through my mind again and I just don't have it inside of me to get up and go again.
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