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ive been depressed for a while now

Posted , 6 users are following.

samantha55942
samantha55942

my dad hung his self 11 days ago im only 13 and i saw him hanging there i feel like im not one to blame for it and i think that i should be dead not him and i could realy do with some help

0 likes, 12 replies

12 Replies

  • sarah56749
    sarah56749 samantha55942

    Posted

    The fact that you saw him makes me sad. But it didn't have anything to do with you. He had his own demons to deal with. Don't feel like it's your fault. Be happy you have a lot to look forward too. X
  • dave30804
    dave30804 samantha55942

    Posted

    It's not your fault.  It never could be, although I know me telling you that is no comfort.  Talk to your Doctor and be honest about how you are feeling.  If you don't feel comfortable talking to your Doctor, go to yor nearest NHS walk-in centre or even talk to the Samaritans. If you are not comfortable talking about it, write it down and hand it to you Doctor or whoever.  I find writing poetry enables me too get me feelings down on paper. You don't need to face this awful time alone and you shouldn't even try to.  We all need to share things sometimes.
  • elizabeth20203
    elizabeth20203 samantha55942

    Posted

    Hello Samantha, I am so sorry you were the one to find your dad, it must of being so devastating for you. I have eperience of suicide and can say that you really need to talk to someone you can trust, it would be best to talk to someone not emotionally involved as you are all suffering. Have you a school counsellor or teacher than you can trust. See your GP if you have noone else. Do not keep this to yourself or bottle up your feelings, berevement is a process and it takes time to come to terms and accept what as happened. Do not blame yourself as your dad chose to do this. Who knows the reasons, i am sure he would not of meant for you to have found him. I understand the emotions your going through and if you need to pm me then please do. I am a mature woman but have brought up two daughters that lost their dad from toddlers in similar circumstances. Keep talking here as well.

    Thinking of you.

    Best wishes.

    Elizabeth. 

  • loxie
    loxie samantha55942

    Posted

    Oh Sarah hon, no one is to 'blame' for your poor dad feeling so bad he felt he had to end it.  As Sarah says, he had his own demons to deal with which aren't anyone's fault, just a terrible sad circumstance.  Having seen him like that you'll have that picture in your head which is tormenting you.  You need to speak to a grief counsellor who will help you move forward.  You won't have to forget him but you'll get to understand that there was nothing you could have done to help or stop him.  Be assured he won't want you to suffer also with grief and guilt and worry.  If you're at school, there'll be someone there who can guide you and refer you to the right people.  The counsellor will listen to you and not judge you and they won't force you to do anything you don't want to.   Please go see them hon. xxx I'm so sorry for your loss.
    • loxie
      loxie

      Posted

      Sorry, meant to address this to Samantha and typed Sarah instead.  Was all upset when typing it.  sorry again.
  • hypercat
    hypercat samantha55942

    Posted

    Oh Samantha how awful for you,  you poor thing.   I can't begin to imagine how you are feeling.   You are not to blame for any of it my love.   Please tell your family how you are feeling as counselling might help you.   I just want to give you the biggest hug in the world right now.   xx

     

  • samantha55942
    samantha55942

    Posted

    i went to see him today and i dont think he looked like my dad he was white and looked old but my dad wasnt any of that
    • elizabeth20203
      elizabeth20203 samantha55942

      Posted

      Don't worry that he didn't look like you remembered him, all bodies after death look different it's happens to most people. You will have your memories and photographs to remember him. I hope you get some help soon. Please talk here wheneve you need to, lots of people are around. 

      Elizabeth.

    • elizabeth20203
      elizabeth20203 samantha55942

      Posted

      Unfortunately we all say things we regret to our loved ones and you won't be the first. I and my husband had a big row before he left the house and killed himself, so has you can imagine the guilt i felt. Yes you will feel the guilt and wished you had not of being awful to your dad but what is said can never be taken back. Don't beat yourself up about it. I am sure that his reasons for doing what he did was because of lots of things he couldn't deal with. Try not to dwell on the bad things, remember the good times and memories. In time you will be able to do this. Your not to blame.

      Elizabeth.

  • dave30804
    dave30804 samantha55942

    Posted

    Samantha, you were probably nothing like as bad as you think you were - your grief will be distorting your recollections.  Your dad would have been feeling awful for a long time and so his responses to you would have been off as well.  As others have said, try to picture yourself in a happy place with him - a holiday, a birthday party, a family picnic - any time that you can remember being happy with him.  Try to concentrate on remembering as many details as you can about that time and 'go there' when the dark clouds start to gather in your head.  That would have been your real dad, not the one you argued with.
  • hypercat
    hypercat samantha55942

    Posted

    Hi everyone is a cow to their parents at 13 and I am sure your dad knew you didn't mean it and you loved him.   I am also sure he loved you every much but he obviously had a lot of problems that were nothing to do with you.   You were not to blame so please try and remember the good times.  x

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