Ive made an absolutely stupid decision and I am full of guilt over it.
Posted , 6 users are following.
So people a bit of background on myself. I normally post in the glandular fever forum as i got that in 2017. Ive been progressing well, during my recovery me and my 2nd cousin started talking again. I had not really heard from her for about 1-2 years as she was in a relationship. However we've always been close. She was having a really bad time of it her relationship broke down and was volatile. It was around this time she found out about me being ill most of 2017 and contacted me to check up on me. I told her I wasn't too good and we began talking frequently on whats app. You probably know where this is going but not just yet. She was very low I just wanted to help her out as it was awful. As 2018 progressed I could tell she was getting a lot better. I was glad that she was, we would go cinemas a lot.
Now heres why i'm feeling guilty. On new years eve we went out as a family for a meal. She looked the happiest I had seen her in ages. On new years day I dropped a text telling her that her talking to me again had helped me get through the year. She said you don't need to thank me, now heres my mistake.
Later on yesterday I had a drink and it put all sorts of weird ideas in my head. I texted her at night. Admitting that I had a crush on her and I was deeply sorry for it. I know its wrong but I suppose her presence made me feel good and happy. Now she responded saying you must be drunk. I sent another message later on basically saying I was disgusted with myself and saying if you no longer want to see me I would fully understand. She replies with don't worry about it don't be daft I will still see you. I think though Ive messed things up. Its not going to be the same with her and its going to be so awkward. I didn't sleep last night at all worrying about this situation. I know it sounds really messed up but remember I had a couple of drinks. I am so ashamed of myself for this situation.
shes 28 im 25. Any advice out of this mess please comment below
1 like, 9 replies
loxie Jelley93
Posted
Firstly, there is nothing legally or morally wrong with a relationship with a 2nd cousin - even first cousins can legally marry. However, you are probably more worried about having messed up the good friendship you have. It doesnt sound like you have. She seems to have taken it ok - anybody who has got drunk has at some time done or said something stupid they wouldnt have done if sober. Make a laugh out of it and giggle about it. Odds are that she hasnt taken offence and still wants you in her life - it benefits you both. You never know, your friendship may at some point develop into something more but if it doesnt, youll still be good friends and see this as a daft moment, which in the end is all it is.
Jelley93 loxie
Posted
Thank you for your response loxie. You've put it into context, thats what i'm worried about that things won't be the same. Whatever happens though ill never hold it against her as it was my doing. I just regret it so much though, I confessed what id done to my parents. They didn't really see an issue. However before I told my cousin last night I asked if she would keep it to herself. Im not sure whether she has or not. If she has told people I will no doubt he hated and most likely be outcast. As they will say I was taking advantage of her after her terrible time. I'm most likely going to message her for a while. To see if she will message me see how it lies.
Thank you Loxie though
loxie Jelley93
Posted
best advice - make light of it. It sounds very much as if your cousin didnt take it too seriously and accepted it was just a mistake - guess what nobody will hate you - that's just you overthinking it. To anyone else it'll just be a moment's humour and nothing more - believe me. Telling someone you care for them is definitely not going to make you an outcast in any case. The reason it's upsetting you so much is because you are fragile, if you were super confident and in a good place you too would see it for just a silly oops moment. You obviously care a lot for your cousin and I'm sure she knows that without you ever having to tell her - and she's probably very grateful for it too. You should take what she says as truth and believe she hasnt taken offence. She may however do so if you keep labouring the point and continue apologising - that will make matters worse. Let sleeping dogs lie and see what happens.
Jelley93 loxie
Posted
Thank you, I won't send any messages. I will wait it out
Jmc71 Jelley93
Posted
I agree with everything Pixie has said. dont keep bringing it up as it may annoy and frustrate her, as she really won't be thinking much about it. you could say you were overwhelmed with how well she looked and after a few drinks you mistook the feeling as attraction. Laugh about it. the fact you are family is a big factor for you, but try not to worry about what others will say if she has told anyone. your own parents didn't think it a deal at all did they. and No one will say you took advantage of her ... she is better than ever, you had lots of time to take advantage when she was much more vulnerable. xx
wayne1962 Jelley93
Posted
Hi Jelley - oh, you poor sweetie, i know just how you feel, embarrassed myself like that in my life. It is awkward, especially if the feelings are not reciprocated, and sensitive people like us give ourselves a hard time over it, tend to ruminate on it thereby giving the situation proportions that are over the top. Look, she has told you "don't to worry about it, don't be daft i will still see you." A lovely response, one that deserves your respect and acceptance.
Q: What have you done?
A: You expressed LOVE to someone. Never, ever anything wrong with that.
Chin up. You are not alone.
Jelley93 wayne1962
Posted
Cheers wayne, however I don;t know how to take it from here really. With talking to her, I don't know what to say. I don't want to sound needy because im not. I wouldn't know really how to talk like we used to as its always gonna be in the back of her mind. It has probably coloured her view of me. What I didn't tell you guys before is that I sent a second apology. That was the last message I sent, She read the message on whatsapp three days ago but didn't respond to it. So here we are up to this point. Few pointers would help, like how long shall i leave the no contact going for.
Cheers people
much appreciated
wayne1962 Jelley93
Posted
Hi Jelley - thanks for responding. Tough choice here. A person who is not emotionally involved in the situation would say "leave it at that, wait until she contacts you." And that's what i would say - except I know what you are feeling, the pain of perhaps having driven her away, that ache as you wait for a response, constant checking of messages, emails etc, the rush of hope when the phone pings, the abyss of disappointment when it's not her.
Best to leave it for now. The problem is that if you keep messaging, she may not be as welcoming, perhaps even claiming harassment, which you certainly don't want. Unrequited love is one of the aches we endure in this human life. It's hard to deal with and can take time to heal from. Hang in there - she may just be evaluating her response.
Jelley93
Posted
Hello people on Friday night I bit the bullet and sent a message just to ask if she was alright. I then went sleep and didn't think much would come of it. In the morning I checked my phone there was a reply. Saying i'm okay just taken aback to be honest. I then replied saying you've got to ignore me I was very drunk when I sent that message about the crush and that I had felt guilty since then. She replied with its okay don't beat yourself up over it I haven't told anyone about it. She also asked how I was and how work was. Now this all looks positive, Im hoping she has forgave me for it and that we can go back to how it was previously.
Thank you guys for your input
I will post more updates if anything changes
Cheers