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I have no diagnosis of bdd but the depression started after i began locking myself away because i hated how i looked. I constantly film myself and look at myself in two mirrors so i can see all angles. Havent been feeling as s*** about myself recently but was just telling my friend about how a girl was really nice to me but horrible to my friend for no reason. And my friend said maybe she's jealous because she's so pretty. Now that's set me off again. It's not like she said I was ugly but that's how I've taken it. It feels horrible being jealous of my friends and this is going to sound horrible but if anyone compliments them I take it as a direct insult. It sounds so selfish and self centred but I can't help it. I've been seriously suicidal in the past because of my looks and I'm always just one comment away from being back in that place.
Just to add as well if I'm on a night out and a guy flirts with my friend this sends me into a deep depression. I feel like I am absolutely vile because he hasn't hit on me. It makes me think that theyre just judging me as the tall skinny ugly friend. I understand everyone likes different things and that my friends are pretty but I can't help it making me feel this way! Is this a normal experience for people with bdd or am I just a horrible jealous person?
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