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jealousy

Posted , 2 users are following.

absjbs
absjbs

I have no diagnosis of bdd but the depression started after i began locking myself away because i hated how i looked. I constantly film myself and look at myself in two mirrors so i can see all angles. Havent been feeling as s*** about myself recently but was just telling my friend about how a girl was really nice to me but horrible to my friend for no reason. And my friend said maybe she's jealous because she's so pretty. Now that's set me off again. It's not like she said I was ugly but that's how I've taken it. It feels horrible being jealous of my friends and this is going to sound horrible but if anyone compliments them I take it as a direct insult. It sounds so selfish and self centred but I can't help it. I've been seriously suicidal in the past because of my looks and I'm always just one comment away from being back in that place. 

Just to add as well if I'm on a night out and a guy flirts with my friend this sends me into a deep depression. I feel like I am absolutely vile because he hasn't hit on me. It makes me think that theyre just judging me as the tall skinny ugly friend. I understand everyone likes different things and that my friends are pretty but I can't help it making me feel this way! Is this a normal experience for people with bdd or am I just a horrible jealous person?

2 likes, 5 replies

5 Replies

  • mrs.wife24531
    mrs.wife24531 absjbs

    Posted

    I use to be so insecure and all my friends would get all the attention. Now I've gained confidence but I still have somewhat of insecurities, but it's gotten better
  • john70812
    john70812 absjbs

    Posted

    Hi absjbs

    I have been diagnosed with OCD.  I cannot give you advice on BDD but I understand it is a type of OCD.  My condition has been improved by treatment from the doctors at a mental health unit and also from my GP.  I have been prescribed anti-depressants which have helped me through the last 9 months.  

    I am so glad that when I was desperate and at the crisis point I reached out for help and they were there to give it.

    Please do seek help.

    You could also take a look at the website www.ocduk.org/

    where you may find some useful information.

    Best wishes

  • john70812
    john70812 absjbs

    Posted

    Hi Abs

    I hope you won't mind me replying again.

    I'm middle aged.  I've been around a few corners and met a lot of people: pretty girls and pretty boys; and people like me, ordinary people.

    The most beautiful people that I know are not pretty.  Looks are something people are born with.  They can't change that.

    They CAN develop beautiful characteristics: charity, patience, loyalty and humility.

    People will say hurtful things, we can't control that either.  But we can control how we allow ourselves to think about what they say.  I try not to over-analyze but it's easier said than done; it's not easy to take pain and makeit  into a positive that we can build on.

    I hope you are feeling better.

    John

    • absjbs
      absjbs john70812

      Posted

      Hi John thanks for replying! I think my problem is I place all of my self worth on my appearance. In school I was often left feeling excluded because boys didn't want to speak to me and it made me feel a bit worthless. Plus I hated how i looked and I started avoiding school and social situations because of this. Then I got in a bit of a rut and my whole family called me lazy and my brother would make horrible comments all the time because I stayed in all the time. So then I lost my personality too and felt like a failure, and I not only hated my appearance but hated myself too. It's really holding me back because I'm so scared of failure that it makes me fail..add in the fact that I sometimes can't leave the house because of how I look! I can't hold down a job because I feel like I'm doing a s*** job and everyone's talking about me. I can't do uni because I can't concentrate on my work and because I miss so many lectures!

      But on the plus side I'm starting cbt again in september and am so ready for it. I know it will be challenging but I'm at a good place this last few days and hope I can carry on like this. I've been doing a lot of mindfulness and exercise and really hope I can carry on out of this rut!

      Glad to hear you're finding the support/treatment helpful! That's really good that the help was there when you needed it smile

      Do you go anywhere that specialises in ocd or is it a general mental health team?

      I have seen a psychiatrist and was unfortunately misdiagnosed with bpd which is near impossible to argue! It's because at the time I was in such denial about how I looked I wouldn't admit that that was the problem. Now I feel like if I bring it up they will just think I'm making it up to get admit different diagnosis rolleyes

      Hope you're well anyway!

    • john70812
      john70812 absjbs

      Posted

      Hi abs,

      My treatment was initially at the local psychiatric hospital for 2 weeks, I was then transferred to the community mental health team for 12 weeks and they discharged me to my GP.

      I've been searching the net to try to find support for OCD and I hope to join a group.

      My OCD involves extremely disturbing thoughts and the psychiatrist advised me to understand that I cannot control thoughts coming in but to treat them as only thoughts and so they do not control me. 

      I would be a natural pessimist and lacking in self-confidence and self-belief, It does hold a person back from progress in almost everything. It's the fear of failure for me.  We just have to keep trying though it will never be easy.

      Did you try OCD-UK?  They may be able to help you or direct you to someone who can.

      I hope the CBT works well!!

      Best wishes

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