Jealousy & overbearing in relationship and social anxiety - why and how can I stop I

Posted , 4 users are following.

I have suffered all of my adult life with jealousy and being overbearing in relationships. This has really come to the fore in a new relationship and is really getting to me. I have met my perfect partner who is truly amazing. I know that she loves me the same and we are so good together. I trust her completely yet I get overtaken by these irrational fears of me not being good enough for her and her finding someone else. My relationship with her has also made me face my fear in social situations. I have very few friends and cannot socialise with people I dont know well. Recently I had to leave a party as I became completely overwhelmed with fear and panic. I clearly have loself esteem but dont know why? Im good at my job, I'm a pretty decent looking guy and I had a great childhood. I'm going to seek professional help but need advice on how I can help myself too.

1 like, 4 replies

Report / Delete

4 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi.  I found Overcoming Social Anxiety and Shyness by Gillian Butler had some really helpful tips.  And Change Your Thinking with CBT: Overcome stress, combat anxiety and improve your life by Dr Sarah Edelman was also helpful.  Your local library should have something (and now that it's all self checkout you don't have to take it to the counter - or they're available on Amazon). The good thing is that you are going to seek professional help.  Therapists are great but don't worry if you don't get on with the first one you go to.  Hopefully you will get on with them, but it wasn't until I went to my third one that I felt that I'd found someone I really connect with who was on my wavelength.

    Be happy that you've recognised your problem and are on the right track to getting help and getting over this.  You can get better biggrin

    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    You seem like a sensitive person & there's no harm in that. You'd be surprised how other people have the same thoughts as you do when they've entered into a new relationship. Most likely your new partner has seen your sensitive side & that's what's attracted her to you. Everyones not a party animal & it's ok to not like crowds of people. I've been in your situation lots of times. Look for your good points & traits,which you have,your new partner can see them.
    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Hi Reh6489. I suffer from something similar to you. I have lost numerous partners because of my ways during my life. And i cant seem to control it. I have tried CBT and everything, yet i am not much better. Read my discussion 'Obsessive Compulsive Questionning' there is some good advise from people on there which may help you....

    I had CBT therapy which was great, although i didnt quite click with my therapist therefore dont feel i got enough out of it. CBT is excellent thuogh as it trains you into thinking differently and helps you manage your irrational thoughts. I think this would be great for you although there is always quite a long waiting list. I had to wait 6 years. Im sure it would be quicker for you though as they accidentally kicked me off the waiting list at one point so had to start again. In teh mean time there are lots of CBT self help guides online. I have the ones my therapist gave me. CBT is a lot to do with homework. It is vital to practice what you learn in CBT at home to get the most out of it. Self help guides could get you started on your own and help change and manage your intrusive thoughts. I will send you alink to my CBT help guides later. CBT combined with Medication (medication will help you become more stable before therapy, as CBT makes you face your issues head on, so you have to be in the best frame of mind to begin with in order to gain as much as possible from the therapy) is the best combination...

    xxx

    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Below is the book CBT therapists give patients to read. It covers everything. its great!!.. 

    Overcoming Low Self-esteem: Self-help Guide Using..., Fennell, Melanie

    xxx

    Report / Delete Reply

Join this discussion or start a new one?

New discussion Reply

Report or request deletion

Thanks for your help!

We want the forums to be a useful resource for our users but it is important to remember that the forums are not moderated or reviewed by doctors and so you should not rely on opinions or advice given by other users in respect of any healthcare matters. Always speak to your doctor before acting and in cases of emergency seek appropriate medical assistance immediately. Use of the forums is subject to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and steps will be taken to remove posts identified as being in breach of those terms.

newnav-down newnav-up